My friend (25F) recently slept with someone else who is not her boyfriend (30M) and she’s freaking out panicking and sent me a drunken voice note last night telling me that it’s eating her up and she needs to meet for coffee to discuss and usually I’m the person she’ll go to for advise. She also has a very long history with poor mental health, that is how we became close friends, through being in hospital together- and I feel as though this will hit her really hard and put her in a dangerous position. I’m in a very loving relationship and would never think about cheating so it’s hard for me to understand why she feels like this if she is the one who cheated, but I don’t want to be a shitty friend and not be there for her.
In the past she has kissed someone else who she works with on a staff night out and I sorta let that one slide cos I didn’t know her that well at the time and I wasn’t there (also dumb to ignore this I know) but I’m not sure what advise or consolation I can give her when I don’t agree with what she’s done. PLS HELP.
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Give it to her straight and dont feed into her wrongdoing bro. If youre a good friend you need to tell it to her like it is.
Hey OP, tbh, this is tough but she did put herself in this position. It’s gr8 ur looking out for her mental health but remember you can’t shoulder her guilt for her. Be there to listen, but arguably she needs to face the consequences and let her bf know. If she ends up in a dark space again, make sure she gets professional help. She needs to learn from this, not just be bailed out. You’re a good friend, but don’t enable bad behavior. Stay strong 💪🏼.
There is no consoling that . You can’t go “there there, it’s alright ” because it’s not alright. It’s going to eat her up and destroy her until she tells the truth
She needs to own to her mistake and inform her BF even that means they could be breaking up. Keeping this as a secret will allow this cheating behavior becoming a habit and she will do this again.
So she cheated and now she wants to play the victim? You should find a new friend
You can sympathize with her feelings but still not agree with her moral choices. You can point her in the right direction but that’s all you can really do. She needs to accept she did something she regrets, question herself as to what she did it, and then explain that to her BF. She also has to understand that he may choose to break things off. She needs to be prepared for that and accept responsibility. You also have to accept that she may sweep the whole thing under the rug and never tell him. She also might do it again. You can always ween yourself off of this friendship and push her towards therapy.
Well Let’s get this straight and sorted. I was in that boyfriends position once and what i understand is a persons emotional intelligence isn’t a justification for cheating and definitely they make it seem like it’s their fucked up mind which caused this.
What you need to understand is you’re just a source of validation and the moment they don’t get it they choose someone else who can give that validation. Same with friendships or relationships.
Don’t lower your life standards. If someone has loyalty then no matter the emotional turmoil they’d still be loyal!
Don’t comfort her. Make her come clean.
Why console a cheater? Shame her
She feels guilty. You can help her work through those feelings without condoning what she’s done. She did something terrible and she feels terrible, and now she’s reaching out to her friend. Life is very complicated and it’s hard to know how to sort things out. Even people who make the wrong choices could use a friend.
I have never cheated either and don’t understand how someone can but I understand remorse. Empathize with the parts that you can. Even if you wouldn’t cheat, you can empathize with the feelings that she’s describing to you. It sounds like you’re in a really tough place especially since your friend struggles with mental health. That makes everything a little more delicate.
Please avoid her. Such people bring their negativity into your life as well.