This has been driving me crazy.
Someone I know started seeing a guy – here’s the thing the guy was her 11th grade teacher. He’s only 10 years older than her she’s in her 40’s so he was really young when he taught her. It was sexy and titillating at first until he told her he would date girls he taught after they turned 20 but he decided to track them down based on how sexy he found them, wait for them to graduate and become legal then he’d track them down. He left a trail of broken hearts and boasted to her that he slept with let’s say…a lot.
Is this gross or is he doing things legal? Am I over thinking? I’m trying to tell her not to let nostalgia get in the way he is actually a terrible person. 🙁
What should I tell her she won’t listen to me.
My friend dated her highschool teacher
r/Advice
Comments
Tell her that this man is a PREDATOR
Groomer…
Ummm not sure about legality.. but either way, its DISGUSTING and highly immoral. RUN AWAY.
Oh god that’s disgusting. I don’t know that it’s illegal, but it’s definitely gross and I wouldn’t go near someone like that with a ten foot pole.
Cannot imagine the school board and / or administration thinking this is OK but the teacher’s union would have his back so he’s got that going for him plus it’s not technically illegal what he’s doing but creepy to the core
Does he still teach? If so I’d be pretty tempted to let the school administrators know.
Legal? Sure. Ethical? Fuck no!
The guy is sick and your friend should be careful.
I went to high school with a girl who married one of the teachers. She was in her early 20s, and he was in his mid 40s. They divorced a few years later.
Sounds really creepy. I guess at least he has the restraint , or to afraid, to act on how attractive he finds teens….. I feel like he should not be a teacher.
She’s 40 and he’s 50? Why is this a problem? She had him as a teacher 23 years ago?
She has lived a longer life than her age when he taught her.
Why would he say this to the 40 year old woman hes dating? Seems implausible to me
Is any of that in writing? It’s likely legal since they’re of age when he targets them, but he could (and probably should) get fired
It’s one thing for a teacher to keep in touch with former students. But teachers have an ethical duty not to abuse their position of power and targeting former students romantically is a clear abuse of that position
It isn’t normal. It is definitely gross.
I was once friends with a girl who dated and later married her English teacher. He was a very manipulative guy and she was (and probably still is) someone who just wants to feel accepted and he took advantage of that.
But they waited until she was 18 before they publicly began dating and the school didn’t fire him because of that. So I doubt this guy would face any consequences.
The two I knew are married with 2 kids now. They seem happy, though appearances are often deceiving. Who knows if it’s ethical if it ended up being a legitimate relationship I guess. Human emotions are messy
Yikes… Fuck that dude. There was this teacher at the alternative school I went to (for troubled teens) and he took a “special” interest in me. Once I turned 18 he’d drive out to the city I moved to and took me pubs even though I couldn’t legally drink he’d buy me beer and then drive me home and kiss me on the forehead tell me how special I was and that he saw so much potential in me. He was flirty but tried to keep that teacher student relationship facade. A couple years ago when I was 30 years old, it was all over the news. He had been caught doing this to multiple girls with nearly the exact same story from them all. “He would take me out for drinks, text me about his personal life, drive me around, kiss me on the forehead” fuckin creepy. It was only then I realized that I had never even realized until 30 years old that I was being groomed by this man. Part of me was thinking “oh he was so nice though I can’t believe it” but I knew better. It was shocking to realize wow he’s done this to me and so many others. (Sorry for one huge paragraph I’m really tired.)
Yikes. What a creep.
He isn’t breaking any laws, but that doesn’t mean that he should do it
You can only point out the obvious if she’s stepping on that rake on her own there’s not much else for you to do unfortunately
It’s not up to you to convince her of how she should feel about the experience.
if she is over 18 it is not your bisiness
Read the first few sentences and was like “10 year age diff big whoop!” boy did i make my judgement too soon. that guys a predator
Omg okay! This is so on the nose of a discussion with my friends and I atm.
I dated my English teacher, partly while I was at school and a bit after. He was 23 and I was 15. We first kissed when I was 17, but it was still while he was my teacher.
I left school and we never officially dated but went on a few dates. Nothing consistent post school but a few dotted run ins through the years.
When I was 24, we went on a date and I’d found out that he had slept with other students he taught (after school). And I sat him down and said to him, that I thought he’d groomed me in some capacity, like he knew that I was a more vulnerable student at school and took advantage of that. But also that I thought that was personal between us, and once I found out that he’d slept with other girls he’d taught, that I was just another girl.
And I said to him “I just want you to know. I will never fuck you, and that throughout our entire interaction, I felt like I actually held all the power”. Which was true, to me at the time.
I knew I was well liked at school. And that when he became a teacher at our high school that he was young and attractive, but I could see that he was compensating for being a boy who had a second chance at popularity. Like I could tell he wasn’t cool (whatever that means) at school and was trying to get his moment in the sun being the cool guy.
I said to him, I never saw you as anything other than vulnerable, and as much as I knew he fancied me, I always felt like I was the one doing him the favour.
So someone asked me the other day about it, and asked if I was impacted by it because they said they could see that he was effectively grooming me. And I said, maybe it did impact me, more than I recognise now. But I never felt like he was the one in charge of it, and speaking to the other girls he slept with, they did. I never slept with him, and I only ever kissed him once.
When I said to him “I will never fuck you” he said “why not?” and I said “ew, don’t be so pathetic”. And in that moment, I just felt repulsed by his desperation, but I also recognised his complete disregard of his position and responsibility.
I explained to him that I was a child and he was an adult, and regardless of him in that moment not being my teacher that he had still exploited me in his position and all those other girls. And I just said “you should be ashamed of yourself, because first you’re a loser, but second. You’re actually a really good teacher”.
And when someone asked me recently, I’m in my 30’s now, if I felt impacted by that, I genuinely say no. But maybe I did more at that time when I was younger, but now it’s just so overshadowed by how tragic I see him as an adult and I’m grateful I got the opportunity to say it.
My only regret is, I didn’t do anything about it and I feel guilty that he might be doing that to other students now.
Lol. Do you need us to tell you what’s up?
That is absolutely disgusting. Tell your friend to open her eyes! That guy is a definitely a predator!
Can your friend explain why this confession did not immediately turn her off?
How long until he wants to “1 up” himself and go for the 17? Nasty.
An x of mine married a regular substitute from her high school. Its super weird to me
Tell your friend that her choice to intentionally date him is not a compliment but an insult to her intelligence. This is not a flex for her to date her HS teacher especially since he exposed his creepy history. It just doesn’t look good.
You said she’s 40 now? Isn’t she mature enough to decide for herself? That was over 20 years ago, by the math you’ve given. I don’t even know if I can call that creepy.
She’s not even the same person she would have been in high school, and it isn’t like she’s a child who can’t be responsible with her own decisions. I’m not going to judge a 40 year old on who they decide to date, and I’m not going to judge someone else for being in a consensual relationship. She can make an informed decision for herself.
I dated and married a woman 12 years older than me. I really didn’t appreciate people who thought they knew my situation better than I did. It’s infantilizing. They’re both so far into being adults, this has gotten into peering into the neighbors fence and gossip territory. It’s 40 and 50, going by your saying 40 and 10 years older.
It isn’t something I think is good that he did that to others, but focusing on that he used to be her teacher just seems silly, and second guessing her decision doesn’t make sense. She’s the one who has to live with the consequences.
The age difference isn’t the issue. It is his past behavior. It’s fucking gross.
She is in her 40s. She isn’t some doe eyed school girl. She is an adult woman who can make her own choices.
Jesus Christ, so treating 40 year old women like they are incompetent morons.