He’s still a good guy and I want to keep him as a friends but the bullshit he send me is straight up unacceptable. Any tips on how to not lose my shit with this dude?
He’s still a good guy and I want to keep him as a friends but the bullshit he send me is straight up unacceptable. Any tips on how to not lose my shit with this dude?
Comments
Why would you want to remain friends with him?
that sucks. you should lose your shit, stop talking to him
Lose your shit and quit being friends.
walk away
Lost in these comments is what I think you might be feeling: loss of a friend. People who say, “Just drop him,” ignore this pain. It’s real. I’ve a dear friend of years and a brother lost to the same stuff. These losses are difficult. I’ve let them both go, but in both cases, I felt grief. I hope they come around. If so, I’ll be there for them.
He is NOT still a good guy. Sounds like he’s a sexist racist bigot. Why be friends with that?
Do better.
You could cut ties but honestly just talk to them. One of my closest friends sees the world differently than I do and we just agreed to not bring those topics up. We still have memories and hobbies in common that keep us together. It’s easy to not talk/joke about sensitive things if you’re both mature enough. If you ask them to not send you those things and they can’t handle that, then maybe take a break from them.
Since you’re friends, maybe he’ll actually believe you when you confront him with how he’s acting. Maybe he’s out of touch with reality and thinks that this is how the cool people act. If he commits to changing, stick with him and be there for him; if he refuses, then walk away. Don’t lose your shit though, be the better person. If he truly has become a piece of shit, he’s going to use your confrontation with him as a way to make you look like an asshole and him the victim.
You can’t remain friends with people like this. I know from experience.
I had a friend that was fairly racist and sexist. We just didn’t discuss politics. In the end ee drifted apart after I had a kid.
If you really want to remain friends with this person, you should tell them that you don’t agree with them on some issues and if that’s okay with him you’d prefer not to discuss those issues.
If he can’t respect that, move on.
Some grow past this phase. Many do not. I encourage you to share your opinion with him in a non judgmental way.
Twitter does that ..
If you want to preserve the friendship, let him know what your hard lines are. Tell him you won’t stand for sexism and racism in your conversations. If he values his redpilled shit more than your friendship, you don’t have to keep extending that olive branch anymore.
Make it clear that redpills are losers and leave the door open for him to abandon them while saving face. When he quotes that stuff laugh at it and make fun of people who actually believe that, maybe join in with flat earth nonsense like you’re playing a sound stupid game. Find whatever influencer he’s listening to and ridicule that guy too, as well as his audience. People listen to that garbage because it makes them feel better about themselves, so make listening to it an active choice to lose your respect and he’ll think twice about it.
>He’s still a good guy
No, he’s not.
Tell him it’s unacceptable.
have you tried telling him it sucks? youre his friend, maybe he values your opinion? people seek validation.
of course, are you sure he wasnt like this the whole time, but now that those values are the forefront of usa, he feels safer coming out with them?
Maybe discuss personal boundaries and respect without being directly critical and when he crosses one use it as a small example of other guys aggro actions (like for example: they only see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear they don’t always care about others needs or thoughts, right?). Like if you don’t want to date or talk about politics or jump out of a plane, then why the hell doesn’t someone respect your boundaries if they do care? It’s your life. You as a person don’t need to justify your own choices or bend them to someone else if your not doing anything illegal. They either respect you and your thoughts and path or go diff ways. Your feelings are important too and not everyone has to be 💯 the same. You are the only one left holding the bag of your own choices. Unfortunately friends come and go and it hurts. Even long term friends. Don’t be associated or complicit with the next gosh knows what that goes to prison or get tied up in bs.
“Hi [……], I feel very uncomfortable with your politically-charged texts and posts. I’d like to remain socially connected as friends, however, that won’t be possible if you continue to send me messages with that type of content. I’ll leave it to you decide how you want to proceed. Cheers buddy”.
If you don’t want to lose your friend, you need to at least confront him about this. Not in a way that you start an argument but in a way that you remind him that this isn’t him. Why all the sudden red pill content? Ask him what he’s been listening to lately and remind him that red pill content is pure rage bait.
Just tell him how you feel, legit. And if he cusses you out, then he ended the friendship. If he tries to understand where you’re coming from, there’s hope. He might not agree with you but at least he’ll see that there’s pushback against his ideaology from someone he cares about, and at that point it’s up to him really.
Just tell him you’re not into the political stuff and to stop sending it. He’ll either respect that or he won’t.
Would you still be friends with him if you were a woman or minority?
If the answer is no, why tolerate it just because you aren’t directly affected? Although any women in you life are by misogyny 😒 and any friends you have that are marginalized
Educate them, they change, or you can’t
Don’t drop him like a lot of the out of touch people are saying on here, this could be salvageable. Depending on how long you’ve been friends, try talking to him about it. Don’t even mention it being about him at first, just how the internet can give people radical extreme opinions then depending on how he responds to that ask if he feels like he has been affected by this. You could also throttle back the hangouts a bit and see if he grows out of the phase or at least grows tired of talking about it.
Good luck
>He’s still a good guy and I want to keep him as a friends but the bullshit he send me is straight up unacceptable. Any tips on how to not lose my shit with this dude?
Hey man you’re a good guy and I want to keep you as a friend but the bullshit you send me is straight up unacceptable. What’s going on man, are you okay?
Talk about it. Not by text, just ignore those. But if/when it comes up in conversation, just ask him why he feels that. Ask why hes thinking that or saying that.
Don’t listen to respond, just listen to listen. Maybe his responses are batshit off the rails, in which case that may be indicating that his values and processes are just becoming unaligned with yours, and it’s time to move on. More likely, though, is that you guys can have a legitimate discussion about the issues, and come to a better mutual understanding.
There aren’t that many people (though there are definitely some) who hold completely irrational and irreconcilable beliefs. Usually, it’s a relatively reasonable, or at least understandable, belief that’s taken way too far because of anger and/or echo chamber reinforcement. The best way, at least that I’ve ever seen, for addressing that is just to have genuine conversations about it; hear what he’s saying, try to understand it, and then explain (not argue) where you disagree and how you look at the issue.
Don’t turn it into a huge confrontation, just have a conversation. Maybe it’ll help, maybe it won’t, but worst case scenario is that you find a more genuine understanding of where he’s coming from, and what he actually believes, and can decide to continue or end the friendship based on that more complete understanding.
Yeah it sucks when you hang out with an old friend and they turn into an alt-right speak n say. Pull the cord and hear all the far right hits like “noone wants to work these days” or “If women don’t want to get raped by men like Weinstein then why do they let it happen and only complain later?”
Then I provide an answer that isn’t the same as Joe Rogans latest guest and I get ghosted. Oh well at least I have the old memories of better times.
Smoke Crack with him. Any negative thoughts will now be not important compared to the addiction.
I think im getting my friend back from there! With lots of patience and long talks about how those views are hurtful, even when they dont affect either of us directly. Brought up lots of uncomfortable conversations. Argued with patience. Educated myself. Let him win a few points (for example i personally dont think borders should just be open willy nilly with no international system to vet people going in and out). However i do follow up with how things could be better handled instead of the brute force happening right now.
As for the tate-esque misogyny, i just acted like what he was saying was a really bad joke and eventually called him out on how bad his humor is. Like how could he could possibly expect to find a partner when he calls women “broads” unironically, what a weird joke.
Worked for me if you wanna try.
Tell him the truth
I’m really sorry but, no, he’s no longer still a good guy. You can remain friends with him, and he can become good again, but he isn’t right now. You need to firmly tell him to stop sending you bigoted shit.
I mean this as someone who went through this same thing with two friends and kept one and lost the other, challenge them on it, tell them that you don’t think that way and that you don’t think it’s ok to think that way, either they’ll slowly drift away as a friend which I will admit is painful as hell, or they’ll actually come out the other side not completely on the other side, my one friend still holds some halfway conservative beliefs, but they will ultimately look back on that period of their lives and cringe at how they thought and acted. Don’t drop them as a friend right away like many other commenters are suggesting, but do challenge him on these beliefs and if it comes to it then that’s what it comes to.
He’s not still a good guy. That’s the problem and you need to call him out in it. He’ll either give his head a shake or tell you to fuck off. Either way – problem solved.
I would tell him every time he does that, hey man that hateful shit is so negative and I don’t like it. Remind him that you love your mom/sister/gf/female friends or whatever. I’ve seen that somehow semi work. Arguing with them doesn’t but saying that they’re awful to be around because they’re so full of malice sometimes does
If he actually still were a good guy, you would not be hurting. He’s not.
Woman hating, racist and bigoted does not equal “a good guy”. If him being those things does not cross a line for you, then you’re endorsing him and his stances.
Straight up, tell him to stop sending you this crap! If he doesn’t, start sending him stuff that he will hate.
Was that an Extreme song homage? Nicely done 🤘
You lost me at “he’s still a good guy” after saying all that in the title. No he’s not obviously.
Is your friend my brother? He won’t talk to me anymore since I won’t hate women with him. In his mind, that means I’m bigoted against men. He already has a wife and kids btw, and I am a gay dude.
No he’s not still a good guy tf
Keep him as a friend, difference of opinions only hones yours
Sounds like a good dude
A person can still be good even if they start believing something hateful d stupid. The key is to show him why it’s wrong, he is still the person you know.
Thoughts aren’t bad, and anyone can succumb to it, but actions take a lot more to take back.
I’m sorry, but he is not “still a good guy”
yes. don’t respond. i have a Friend doing similar with his particular take on things. Woke etc. I just respond with funny memes or sports or music stuff. I don’t send anything PC etc. he’s gotten the hint and he’s still a really good guy and I’m hoping you know his views get a little more level headed and centrist in time.
>he’s still a good guy
No, he isn’t.
He’s not a good person if he’s being terrible to people.
Tell him to stop being terrible to people. Judge him on if he does.
With all due respect, how do you know it is not you that was bluepilled and now taking jokes too seriously?
Start with calling him out, calmly but firmly. Say “hey, listen, that kinda stuff you’re sending? It’s not funny. It’s just mean. I can’t laugh at these things with you.”