I created a throwaway account because my friends know my real one.
I’m 19, male, and I have a friend.
Last week I decided to go to his house and smoke some weed, talk about life, game etc etc. When I had the bong, around 15 minutes later I began to experience a sever panic attack (this has never happened before). My heart began to speed up, then instantly go back down and this would repeat for around 30 minutes. My vision was blurry and I had cold sweats & shaking.
So anyway, I passed out for around an hour or 2 and woke up soberish, which is when my friend started asking about my sexuality. I told him I wasn’t sure, I haven’t had any experience and all that jazz. Around 3 minutes of awkward silence later, he asks me if I want a blowjob. And obviously I say no because.. well I’ve just had a panic attack, passed out, and barely hanging on to consciousness. He says okay and tries to play it off like “haha now you know”.
Keep in mind that he has essentially hit on me every time I’ve been high or drunk and it’s made things soo awkward. I feel bad for trying to establish boundaries because I know he’ll make me look insane or play it off and I have no one else to talk to about this. So I need some advice.
Extra info: Ive experienced COCSA at the age of 9, twice, both times by men.
Comments
What he did was inappropriate and frankly I would not see this friend again. If you feel you must see him again set CLEAR boundaries that he is not ask you for any sexual actions.
I think you need to take time away from this “friend”.
It sounds like he’s trying to take advantage of you and might escalate if you keep saying no. If you do see him, make sure you have someone else with you.
Also sounds like he might have drugged you. Please take care OP, and trust your gut.
You are pretty reckless.
dont smoke weed if you can’t handle it
Hydration is key, if you’re going to continue usage make sure you are well rested, fed and hydrated. No matter what I’ve done some good cold water has definitely helped.
Get away as fast as you can
Never eat, drink, or smoke anything he gives you again, OP.
My
What is cocsa
Stay away from this dude. He’s exhibiting earmarks of a predator. I would also advise getting into some therapy for the COCSA incidents you described. That was severe child abuse. Do not delay in setting up an appointment immediately. Treatment can be very effective while you are young and help significantly with your general mental health.
dude be careful, I would’t be that vulnerable around that “friend” what if he takes advantage of you when you are passed out or when you can’t defend yourself.
Yea as you grow up you’ll realize that some of your friends are just in your life for right now and not someone worth keeping around for 10/20/30+ years
Fun thing about boundaries – they aren’t for the other person. They are for you. You decide for yourself what you will tolerate from this person. If they cross it, you can let them know it’s not on and give them another chance if you want. That’s telling them about the boundaries – but the telling them part is OPTIONAL. You also can just disengage and control the interaction however you are comfortable. It’s fine to just be like, “nah bro, I don’t wanna smoke with you.” And that’s it. You don’t have to go into some diatribe about your feelings and whatever. Figure out what you want to do with this person, then act accordingly. If they push for more, shut it down simply. If they keep pushing, back up from them. Don’t make the mistake that setting boundaries is somehow telling them all the reasons you’re not comfortable – it isn’t.
And you know what – if you decide this dude is creepy and you really don’t wanna do anything… Just don’t. Next time he hits you up, “no” is a complete sentence.
Ok, first off, dont listen to all this fearful homophobic stuff people are saying. Youre past experiences explain your reaction, youre fine dude. Imo, just let it go. No reason to bring it up to anyone else. While younger its harder to do, and easy to believe some of the crazy stuff people are saying here. Ive known plenty of people who felt like this after bong rips. My advice? Dont shame them, dont bring it up to talk about, unless they do. Try not to get in 1 on 1 situations for a while. But no reason you cant still be friends. Just give it some cool down time to feel the vibe. Coming out isnt easy. Just be a friend. And dont worry about the rest.
Why would you be consistently associating with the dude if he’s repeatedly making a pass at you and you’re not interested? ARE you perhaps actually interested? Your interactions with him sound consensual and elective. He’s not abducting you or holding you against your will. Why are you interacting with him AT ALL???????????????
You should drop him as a friend… You’ve already experienced that shit. He’s hitting on you when ypur f’d up. It’s only a matter of time before you get SA’d by him, if it hasn’t already happened.
Would you want him around your friends, family, future gf?
Panic attacks are common enough with weed, but some or your experience sounds like there may have been something laced in that Mary Jane. I can assure you that this dude is dangerous as fuck.
He showed 0 surprise or concern at your hardcore and suspicious bad trip.
He saw that you weren’t doing well, and instead of helping, try to suck your dick…..
I can not say this enough: THIS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
Walk away and stay safe 🖖
Why are some of y’all victim blaming? His friend clearly is trying to take advantage of him. Plus Op stated that he’s been through sexual trauma. Those types of comments can be very re-traumatizing. Let’s try to use our heads people.
This is how you end up on Dateline, you’re gonna meet a lot of weirdos you’re only 19. Cut him off and go about your life
It sounds like he’s trying to influence you while you’re not sober to do something you have previously said no to.
Be very careful as I hate to say it but could he be a date rape type of person
How was the BJ?
Huh, sounds like he may have while you were zoned out. I’m sure he laced whatever y’all were smoking. I’d distance myself, especially with the knowledge he’s into you
>”Keep in mind that he has essentially hit on me every time I’ve been high or drunk…”
And you are still getting together with him, smoking weed, and are surprised that he always does this?
OK…………….
sounds like he laced you , maybe tried doing something with you when you were passed out, didn’t work so he waited until you woke up to ask
MF wanna have sexy time with you, let’s hope he didn’t do it while you were passed out… Just stay away from him.
Perhaps if you show anyone you trust what you wrote here, if you are feeling up to it anyway, they would definitely believe you and could try to keep you safe or even contact either the authorities or his family to get this straightened out. This is definitely a predator situation, and you need to get away from him as fast as possible should he try anything else on you.
Did you feel as if he might have done something to you while you were passed out? Probably best to steer clear of this guy permanently.
“I feel bad for trying to establish boundaries because I know he’ll make me look insane”.. You’re afraid that he’ll make you look insane!!? First of all he’s the crazy one, second why the hell do you care if “he’ll make you look insane”. Since you said you’ve never had a panic attack from it, There’s a good chance that he gave you something mixed in with the weed.
bruh why u smoking weed just dont
That is not your friend.
He drugged you and tried to rape you. Remember, even if you’d consented under the influence, that still wouldn’t have been conscious consent.
Get the hell away from that person, because he will try again.
people like this will only ever get worse you have to stay away no matter what. sorry i know it’s hard but that’s what i have learned with every person who has abused me.