So my friend (28M) and I (30M) have this ongoing thing where he always suggests splitting an Uber when we hang out, but he’s never once offered to drive even though he has a car and I know he drives to work daily. It started small splitting rides to bars events and whatever but now it’s literally every time we go anywhere together. Last weekend he texted asking if I wanted to split an Uber to this birthday party that was like 15 minutes from his place. The thing is I really don’t care about the money anymore. I just think it’s weird that he never even offers the alternative like I get not everyone loves driving but it feels one sided. When I brought it up casually he got defensive and said Ubers are more convenient for everyone.
Am I being petty or is this actually inconsiderate? I don’t want to make it a big deal but it’s starting to bug me.
TL;DR: Friend always wants to split Ubers but never offers to drive his own car, getting annoyed at the one-sided convenience.
Comments
If he’s going to be drinking at these events, it’s actually really responsible and smart. I don’t understand the problem
Are you offering to drive? Where is the inequity?
I’m going to guess your friend doesn’t want to be a designated driver when going to social events.
How is this one sided if you are splitting? Also, he likely doesn’t want to worry about his car or his state drunkness.
This would be a different conversation if you were driving and he wasnt.
I don’t see just wanting to Uber, if money isn’t an issue, as a problem. Especially if drinking is involved.
Since it’s his car, it’s his choice to offer or not. It would be very generous of him to offer to drive you around anywhere, and him not offering is neutral. You are not entitled to it inherently.
Do you drive? Could you offer to drive, either with his car or your own, if this matters to you? This doesn’t sound uneven if you’re splitting costs. That is even.
It makes sense not to want to drive to any place you expect to drink. It makes sense he may not be sober after attending a bday. Sounds safe and considerate to me.
If you don’t want to split an Uber, say no. If you want him to drive, ask him. It’s really not fair to get mad at someone for doing something when you haven’t communicated to them that you don’t like it. Grow up, speak up, communicate with your friend. If he gets mad, that’s his problem. Not your problem to fix. You can walk away and let him transport himself alone if he reacts in a way you don’t like.
ETA: have you asked him why he prefers to Uber? Maybe there’s a reasonable explanation for why he chooses that. Seriously, learn to communicate.
Gotta get to the root of what’s bothering you. I don’t really understand how this is inconsiderate.
Is it the cost? I would just communicate that you can’t afford Uber.
Or do you feel overburdened driving him around and he hasn’t returned the favor?
If you’re going to events where you’ll be drinking (and he wants to drink), it’s the responsible thing to do.
Finding parking can be a chore in itself depending on the city.
And honestly, transport will always, always cost you. If it isn’t money for the uber, it’ would go to public transport (if available). If it’s their own car, it’s money for gas, money for parking, money for the electric bill to charge the car. It can be kind to eat that cost for someone out of kindness, but budgets are different.
Lastly, if he drives every day, he might just be sick of it; I’d find ubers convenient as well in that case.
With all that in mind, I’m not really seeing this as inconsiderate.
What’s bugging you? The fact you have to pay?
You prefer your friend is the taxi?
Are you splitting the cost between you or is he just riding in the Uber you paid for?
If he is helping pay, then it isn’t sided. He likely doesnt want to be a designated driver. Uber is the smartest choice when drinking.
If he isnt helping pay for the Uber, then it is one sided. Tell him he can either help pay or ride on his own. It is more expensive for the Uber driver to go out of their way to get him, so he should pay at least that difference. But also, if he never gets the uber and you’re the one always paying the lion’s share, then thats an issue.
What’s your issue with this specifically? Splitting the cost of an uber isnt one sided at all, that’s actually completely 50/50 so I don’t get why it bugs you?
Your TLDR is confusing. You say it’s a one-sided convenience. How is it one-sided if you’re splitting an Uber?
This is a normal thing for when folks go out drinking lol my friends and I almost always take ubers/scooters whenever we know we won’t be sure we can drive.
You want him to just play DD all the time? How is splitting an uber anything but 50/50?
OP this is only one sided from the perspective that yall always do what he wants to do (uber) vs what you want to do (be chauffeured by your friend). It’s not one sided though because the reality is 50/50. Unless you drive him occasionally but he never drives you, but you didn’t say anything like that in your post.
Is there alcohol involved?
You’re trying to figure out if it’s weird that your friend DOESN’T drink and drive?? Do YOU ever offer to drive?
So you want him to drive you, you’re saying?
And not drink?
What?
Going by your post hystory you have a car man. What the hell?
Dude wants to pound back a few brews and doesn’t want to drive. Sounds like a very smart reasonable person to me.
Is he drinking at these events? Can you not drive yourself?
What’s one-sided? You don’t mention that you ever offer to drive him, but if you do, you don’t have to. Or, you can bring up to him that you’d like him to drive next time. If you don’t drive, isn’t expecting him to offer to drive you actually one-sided? If he asks to split an Uber with you and you prefer to get there yourself, you don’t have to split with him. You gave bars as an example, so I’ll also add that Uber is the responsible choice when drinking. He shouldn’t drink and drive and he doesn’t have to volunteer to be the designated driver just because he has a car.
Why do you feel so entitled to your friend’s car?? If you are both taking an Uber and splitting the cost every time, it’s completely even money and efforts. You just want a free ride and are trying to find a reason why he owes it to you.
Do you offer gas money, parking money, or anything to compensate for the wear/tear/gas? Expecting him to drive because he has a car is just entitled. Splitting ubers 50/50 is literally the most equitable way to travel.
Not petty but wholly inconsiderate.
This is rude as hell of you. It’s not one sided. Just because he owns a car that does not mean he owes you free rides anywhere, ESPECIALLY since the places you’re going sound like they probably involve drinking. The only thing that would make it one sided is if you also had a car and drove him around a lot, but he never offered to return the favor. You claim it’s not about money, but it is. You just want free rides and think because he CAN drive you around, he should.
When do you offer to drive?
Um what exactly are you offering that makes it seem like this isn’t fair? Just because he has a car, he should offer to drive? Sounds like you feel entitled to use his stuff just because he has the option
Have you offered to drive? Also I assume there’s drinking going on at these events, especially the birthday party and bars so it’s take an Uber or be okay with being the DD and I doubt he wants to do this at his own birthday.
How is it one sided that he doesnt drive you when you dont drive him anywhere? Seems perfectly equal and reasonable.