I (27F) recently got married, and one of my bridesmaids, let’s call her A (28F), texted me two days before the wedding saying she had a contagious illness and didn’t want to risk getting anyone sick. I was disappointed but tried to be understanding.
The problem is, on the night of the wedding, another friend showed me A’s Instagram story. She was at a concert, front row, looking completely healthy, clearly not sick. She didn’t post anything about being ill, and it was real-time.
I haven’t confronted her yet, and my other friends are divided. Some say I should let it go, but my fiancé and I feel hurt because this wasn’t just missing the wedding, it was lying to us about it.
I want to handle this maturely, but I’m not sure whether to confront her, let the friendship fade, or just move on quietly.
How would you suggest I approach this situation without creating unnecessary drama?
Comments
Depends, what was the concert?
Definitely says something. She is a liar and a shitty friend. I would just sent her a screen shot of her post … and write … “I am glad you cured for the concert” or “hope you did not spread your contagious disease to others” and then wait and see what she says.
She was a bridesmaid not just a guest. This shows her to be a very fickle friend. Personally I would not be able to trust someone after such selfish and deceitful behavior.
What was the concert?
You must not be such good friends if this happened. Maybe you were not as close as you thought.
Was the concert that night and it wasn’t a late post? That’s shitty of her
I’m sure that many other people (your REAL friends) were there. Why focus on the one person who let you down rather than enjoy/celebrate the people who didn’t? Just move on and stop considering her your friend.
There is no way to avoid drama when you confront someone on their bad behavior. Clearly, your friend prioritized the concert over her commitment to participating in your wedding. This means your friend has questionable morals and also doesn’t really like you as much as you like her. Or liked her. Because I’d be greyrocking her narcissistic self asap. Don’t bother confronting her, she is not your friend. She lied, she ignored her commitment to you, and she is likely just fine with it, because, you know, she got first row at the concert!!
Up to you. I’d just move on and let the friendship end (it’s basically already ended, since your friend showed her true colours). There’s not much point in confrontation, what’s done, is done.
That said, sleep on it for a few days, and if it’s still nagging at you, then do bring it up.
If you approach her about it you know there’s going to be unnecessary drama. You just need to decide if she’s worth being a friend. I literally have like 5 real friends. I’m almost 50. The older you get you realize most people are just acquaintances. Most people are friendly.
Did she pay for own dress etc?
Anyone who would decide to be a no show for someone’s wedding, where they were actually in the wedding party, for a concert, is no friend. She isn’t worth any further effort on your part, even an effort to confront her. Just pretend she doesn’t exist, from this moment on.
IMO you should move on bc this person isn’t your friend. If, at some future date, she gets in contact with you or wants something from you, then drop the bomb then.
Print out a poster of the artist she went, put it up in your house where she sees it surely and wait how she reacts 👍
A bridesmaid? That’s not your friend.
I’d either just send her a text of that photo and then block her or I’d just block her.
She is clearly not interested in you, your life, or anything that’s important to you. She’s never really been your friend. At least now you know to stop wasting effort where it isn’t appreciated.
What do you hope to get out of the interaction? Do you really want to continue the friendship?
Having a confrontation will make you feel better for a moment. But then what?
Just let the friendship fade.
Just let it go and never speak with this person again
She was a friend.
Tell her that you are happy she recovered so quickly from her contagious disease and hope she had fun at the concert. And don’t ever reach out again. If you see her in social settings, just do the bare minimum to acknowledge her. She showed you her true worth.
Silence is the best. She doesn’t even deserve a drop of your attention. Let her come to you. You are married and have lots to look forward to rather than thinking about a shitty friend.
>I want to handle this maturely, but I’m not sure whether to confront her, let the friendship fade, or just move on quietly.
I am also curious whose concert it was but if you confront I assume she will just deflect etc. I’d probably just let the friendship fade.
What would you gain from asking her about it? She has already proven that a concert was more important to her than celebrating you and your husband’s special day. She wasn’t just a guest. You had thought enough of your relationship to include her as part of your celebration and gave her a role to highlight the importance of your friendship.
She obviously knows she was in the wrong because she couldn’t tell you the truth but in the same breath thought so little of advertising her attendance on her social media. I would respectfully suggest you just forget her. Just don’t interact beyond surface level stuff if necessary. She has shown you who she is already. Believe her.
Congratulations on your wedding and your marriage. Don’t let her own issues dull your memories of the day. Her absence allows you to look at your photos now with the knowledge that those in them were the true friends. The people who showed up to celebrate you and with you.
LOL, it wasn’t just about missing the wedding, it was the lying! Grow up dude. She chose a concert over your wedding, what’s there to confront? You know where she stands. You’re not as good a friend as you thought. Does it mean you can’t be friends? No, I mean, unless you’re going to be a baby about it. It’s just not someone you can rely on. You don’t need to ever make plans with her again but if she’s still friends with everyone else you’ll see her. The good news is you’re married and you’ll probably have kids soon and you’re world will completely change and she won’t even be a factor. In fact, it’s going to change so much you’re going to be able to look back on this moment and say, I can’t believe at one point in life I thought someone ditching our wedding was a big deal.
I try to be forgiving, but I wouldnt be able to downgrade this friendship enough. I think you should reach out with a comment on the photo just so she can provide a possible, reasonable explaination (I dont know what that could be) and so if you have mutual friends they are aware of what is going on in case it comes up.
I mean honestly she’s not your friend
Was it definitely real time? Sometimes friends take days to send footage to me just cos they’re busy and then I post footage online… but if it’s actually true and real time then I’d slowly fade her out if you don’t want drama. If she realises or ‘cares’ then just message her saying you knew she was at a concert and then maybe block her lol
cut her out. she has shown her priorities lie in things other than your friendship. no need to make a big drama. She’s just out.
She did you a favour. She’s not your friend
Whyyyyyyy would she post that to her IG?! I would normally recommend just letting the friendship fade, but it would drive me nuts not knowing why she posted that if she was trying to keep it secret and when she got her ticket.
Yes confront her.
You are hurt, you owe it to yourself to let her know how her actions effected you.
If you don’t say anything you are protecting her lie to you. Why would you do that?
All you have to say is, I saw you went to a concert, you lied to me. I’m very hurt that you chose to lie.
Up to you how you choose to move forward from there. Honestly, if this were my situation, she would hear from me and I would no longer be her friend. I would take screen shots of her story as evidence and she would be excommunicated from my life.
And now you know she really isn’t a friend. Drop her out of your life. You don’t really need to say it out loud, just she’s out. If/when you see her in the future, and if she says anything, let her know you know exactly where she was instead of your wedding. Then walk away.
If she did it on purpose, don’t consider as a friend
The worst part to me is that she didn’t even try to hide it since she posted on Instagram, so she knew you’d find out and didn’t give a shit. I think it’s best to just stop being friends with her. However, I expect that she’ll contact you at some point (“hey what’s up girl, how was the wedding?”), and you need to think about how you want to handle the response. Maybe reply with “how was the concert?”
I would just stop speaking to her and move on. If she ever reaches out to you, the. Have the conversation. She is absolutely not your friend. Friends don’t do these things.
I would definitely distance from them. If you did choose not to confront them, but then they reach out about anything, at that point I would bring it up. However I would probably be done with that friendship because most friends should value seeing their friend get married over a concert. And especially shouldn’t be lying about it.
What was the concert, tho?
Jk it was rude regardless! But I still want to know what stupid artist she valued over you
Edit – just read Jessie Murph…yikes.
Just close the chapter of that friendship and move on in life.
I recommend cross posting to r/etiquette. they will have more subdued responses there.
Let the friendship fade. Your season as friends has come to an end, so enter into this new phase of your life by keeping those who love and support you around you.
That wouldn’t be my friend anymore!
Let’s face it – weddings are expensive ordeals… even for guests. Members of bridal or groom’s parties even more so. Most weddings suck. Not sorry.
Gotta pay for the dress / tux, hotel, getting there if it’s out of town or some ‘destination’ wedding, etc.
Then there’s bridal shower / bachelor / bachelorette party / rehearsal dinner, etc… etc… etc…
She probably bailed because she didn’t want to deal with another shitty wedding.
Next month I gotta drive 6+ hours to Long Island for my nephew’s wedding. Seemed innocuous enough until not a hotel room was available anywhere. WTF? Turns out the Ryder Cup is in town that weekend. If you are familiar with professional the Ryder Cup is a HUGE deal. Great. So found an AirBNB out of the way for nearly $600/night for 3 nights – so I’m almost $2,000 in to this and I haven’t even left the house or bought a gift yet.
Point being is that many couples ready to tie the knot get so wrapped up in their wedding and making it about THEM that they forget about the guests and the time, expense and hassle they have to go through in order to attend.
When my ex-wife and I were planning our wedding, I was adamant that I wanted this to be a guest friendly wedding: cheap accommodations, casual setting, the DJ was to be background music only so guests aren’t having to scream at each other to have a conversation over the music, open bar, no expectations of gifts – their presence was the gift as far as I was concerned – especially if they came in from out of town. Everyone said it was one of the best weddings they attended.
I would just ask her about it. I guess Remind her you weren’t snooping, that a mutual friend showed you. If it was me, I would genuinely ask what made this concert in particular that important? And why couldn’t she come to you about it if you’re really friends? Depends how close you two are. Just barely friends I could see this. But good friends, no way.
I don’t think I’d confront. I’d just go low contact. You’ve clearly been the one holding the rope. Drop it and see if she picks it up. But I don’t think I’d ever trust her again or rely on her for anything.
This exact story is being posted many times per week.
Do you have her on insta, like did she post that knowing you could see it or did she think you maybe wouldn’t? I only ask bc intent. If she knew you were her friend and posted it, basically saying to you she knows she lied and now she knows you know aka she wanted to end the relationship but is very immature.
If you aren’t on it and she maybe didn’t expect you to see it…she still posted it publically so she knows someone coulda shared it with you, which is exactly what happened. So she still 100% lied to you purposefully and didn’t consider perhaps hiding that lie in her SM, she cared more about posting about being at a public event and getting internet likes most likely. So she valued those likes more than your relationship.
I agree with other posts about sending the post to her and see how she responds. Anything other than a real authentic, “sorry” won’t save the relationship, she already ended it, not you.
Without creating unnecessary drama? She was your bridesmaid and decided a concert was more important than your wedding. I wouldn’t even confront her. This relationship is dead, treat it as such.
Just ask her, how was the concert?
Ghost her.
You don’t need that lying, untrustworthy drama in your life.
She’s mot your friend, and she’s dumb as hell posting on IG in the front row
She sounds like the type where if you confront her that makes her the victim in her mind and u the bad guy. So I’d just not talk to her anymore and then when she asks your other friends why and they say “oh because she knows you went to the concert on her wedding day and lied about it.” Then she’s just left knowing she’s trash and that everyone knows it and she can’t claim victimhood.
Not much of a friend!
Screenshot the Instagram post, send it, and move on with life. I hope your wedding was awesome!
Why is this a big deal to you? Stop allowing yourself to feel “hurt” and move on. She’s clearly not as close of a friend as you thought. Move on..
The post and mostly OPs comments feel like AI lol so downvote
I think what you do is send her a message and say “I’m sorry you didn’t think your commitment to being a bridesmaid in my wedding was important enough to take precedence over a concert. After much consideration, I feel that our friendship has run its course and it would be best if we just went our separate ways.”
If you can get a hold of a couple pictures from her Instagram showing she was at the concert on that date, I would include them in the text message.
Honestly, I can’t imagine spending all that money to be a bridesmaid and then duck out for a concert , SMH