I still can’t believe any of this actually happened. It sounds like a bad soap opera, but unfortunately, it’s all true.
I have this close friend—practically like a brother to me. He lived in another country and was dating a girl for a while. She had a younger sister. I don’t know exactly how it started, or when, but somehow he ended up sleeping with the sister behind his girlfriend’s back.
He kept it a secret, obviously. No one was supposed to find out. But a few months later, the younger sister turned out to be pregnant.
At first, everyone was confused and trying to figure out who the father was, but the timelines lined up, and eventually she admitted it.
When the baby was born, things got worse. The child has some serious medical issues. I’m not a doctor, but according to the family, it might be due to the fact that my friend and the girl might be distantly related—like third cousins or something. I’m not sure, and honestly, I didn’t want to dig into that part too much.
Naturally, his relationship with his girlfriend exploded. Her whole family was devastated. The younger sister is barely coping, and the baby needs constant care.
And my friend? He just packed his stuff and flew out to stay with me. Said he couldn’t take the pressure anymore. Said he was ashamed, overwhelmed, scared. Now he’s here, sleeping on my couch, acting like he just needed to “start over.”
I’m trying to be there for him, but I’m also sitting here thinking—what the hell did you do? Who are you even now?
I just needed to get this off my chest. I’m stuck between being a friend and feeling absolutely horrified by what happened.
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Well, it’s a good thing he broke off with his girlfriend if she is his third cousin (if her younger sister is, so is the girlfriend).
Was it consensual with the sister? If so, pregnancy is a risk if no protection is used. Is it a country where abortion is available? It’s ok not to want anything to do with the baby. It wasn’t his choice. But if he did it without protection, and without abortion available, he should still help pay.
Being a good friend is also calling out our friends and holding them accountable.
Even if he never meets his child, he can at least help with financial support. He isn’t the victim here. He was “man” enough to have an affair and impregnate his girlfriend sister, he can now be man enough to offer financial support.
If you’re asking “what the hell did you do?”, the answer is pretty simple. He cheated on his girlfriend because he wanted to have sex with her sister. The fact that the sister got pregnant, gave birth to a kid with bad medical issues and it all blew up in his face? That is the result of extremely bad luck. He made a mistake and the consequences for that mistake ended being bigger than they are in the vast majority of cases. He didn’t want to deal with the consequences so got out there.
Moral judgment in this situation might be complex, but what he did and why he did it? That is pretty simple to explain.
As a friend, you have to show him the right way and also take care of his baby. He has responsibilities as a father
Ashamed? He should be. Overwhelmed? Who cares. Scared? People who do terrible things should be.
I’m surprised that, after what he’s done, you can even still stomach calling this guy a friend. He cheated on his girlfriend with her sister, said sister ended up pregnant and had a baby with medical issues, and he abandoned them and the situation that he created.
You need to hold him accountable. It seems he came to you because he suspects you won’t. Prove him wrong.
So your friend cheats on his girlfriend with her sister, gets the sister pregnant, she gives birth to a baby with issues and then he abandons them both because he’s scared?
This whole situation is his fault. He needs to at the very least financially provide for the care of that child. He helped make it.
Your friend is a POS btw.
He’s a POS who needs to take responsibility. OP needs to call him out and send him back. It’s not fair for the mother and baby to be left without his support. If you can’t do the time then don’t do the crime.
The “friend” could have not cheated, stayed with girlfriend and this still could have happened. If he related to the pregnant sister, he’s got to be related to the girlfriend.
Either way, your friend sucks and birds of a feather flock together. Don’t let his stink get on you.
Call him out friend. Kick him out if needed be. He doesnt get a “do over” after what he has done, nope. This isnt some innocent mistake. He ruined lives.
This is why women always feel trapped – because we are the ones stuck with the kids while the man can run off to another country. How old was the younger sister when he slept with her? Your friend chose his path and then decided he wants everyone else to clean up his mess.
This is more enabling than being a good friend. I get he’s overwhelmed, I’m sure anyone would be, but that doesn’t mean he gets to run away and let everyone else pick up the pieces. They don’t get to run away. You need to have a real conversation with him about his responsibilities and perhaps create a clear timeline of when he should be getting his things together and either going back or providing support to his child. His child deserves better than being treated like a minor inconvenience.
You are helping him avoid responsibility. That makes you complicit with him and his bad behavior.
He needs to go back, start contributing money and help with the kid. Her family has probably ostracized her. Your friend shouldn’t just get to drop a bomb like this and walk away free and clear.
They are both bad people for cheating and now they should both be dealing with the consequences.
This friend of you has zero boundaries. I think you need to take a hard look at this relationship.
This is such a ChatGPT output lol
OP, next time remember to remove the hyphens
B+
Send his ass right back. His child his problem
Your friend should be very ashamed. He doesn’t own up his mistake and just run away. He is a fucking coward.
You should Stay away from people like him, one day he might do something really bad to you and just run away. And all you can blame is yourself.
You need to hold your friend accountable, honestly i would be ashamed to call someone like that my friend. After cheating, and causing a pregnancy, he thinks he got the right to just get up and leave? terrible
What about the mother of his child? How much pressure s SHE under? And how much did he add by scuttling off like a child? You’re enabling him at this point. He’s got responsibilities and he needs to fulfill them.
Uummm you need better friends. What in the actual @&$! are we reading!! Hang out with 💩 you start to wreak!
So you’re trash just like he’s trash pretty much
Hey, i know your friend sucks, but as a friend, give him some time free of judgement to breathe, and to gather his thoughts. After letting him take his time, that’s when you lean into him.
No sympathy for cheaters
Do not enable a deadbeat
>I’m trying to be there for him
Are you? Sometimes, being there for people means slapping them with a harsh dose of reality and sending them home to clean up the mess they made, like the adult they are. Friendship doesn’t mean placating and sheltering the people we care about when they behave abhorrently. Hold him to account and stop enabling him.
He’s not a good person.
Letting him stay with you, although I get he’s your friend and you’re trying to be kind, is enabling his terrible behaviour. He’s running away from his choices, the consequences, and you’ve given him refuge. While the child he helped create, and the women he hurt are left to “figure it out” because he couldn’t take the pressure. They don’t get to do that.
I don’t know if I could remain friends with someone like that, let alone have them stay with me.
So you’re basically okay being friends with a deadbeat, cheater since you let him crash at your place? I don’t know if you’re a man or woman but as a man I couldn’t be friends with someone who run away from their responsibilities as a father. Plus it’s too many people on earth to cheat on your girlfriend with her sister.
Cheating is bad but he could have picked anyone on earth but it had to be the little sister. Now he ruin that family and sibling relationship. I’m guessing she was younger age since you didn’t list the age and her family was shock she got pregnant. So she probably doesn’t date or go out much. Kick him out and tell him you don’t support his decision.
I’m wondering if he really running away from not going to jail if the sister was younger.
Get him out of your space.
Being a good friend includes not harboring him when he’s running from his responsibilities. Those responsibilities don’t go away just because he ran snd you’re helping him abandon and innocent baby because “he’s scared” he wasnt too scared to go fucking her. He better man up and you better not help him continue being a little whiny baby.
Your friend is a piece of shit that is trying to skirt his responsibility.
why are you. hiding a fugitive sir
A good friend would tell him to buck the fuck up and refuse to enable terrible behavior.
He’s isn’t the victim. He is solely responsible for creating the dynamics, and yet he chose to be a coward and ran away rather than man up and take accountability for the predicament.
Friends…real friends call out b.s. doesn’t mean you don’t have to support him. However, don’t sit beside him and stay silent. Speak your true thoughts, and if you are upset with him, let him know.
Birth defects don’t happen with third cousins. They’re not very likely to even happen with first cousins.
Well, your friend sounds like a piece of shit. Stop comforting him and get him to live up to his responsibilities.
By giving him a place to stay, you’re condoning his actions.
Yall need to stop supporting and being friends with these type of people. Hold eachother accountable you’re grown adults.
This should read as “I had this close friend-“
You’re enabling an awful human being to be awful and by association, just wow, you kinda suck too.
Tell him to gtfo!!!
It’s time he be held accountable for the fucking mess HE created. YOU are enabling him. Your silence is enabling him. Your housing him is enabling.
You are actively helping him to evade his responsibilities, abandon his child and ruin an entire family in the process. You are doing that. You are willingly, actively helping him to do that. Friend or not, you have a moral obligation to tell him to get his fucking shit together and take care of the life he created. You can’t make him do so no matter how often you tell him but what you can do is Stop. Enabling. His. Shitty. Behavior. the longer you let this disgrace live off your generosity the more you become apart of the problem, the more you enable him and men like him to act exactly like this.
The sooner men like him have no friends to turn to, no where to hide, nowhere to run, and face consequences for this shit that they do, the sooner they will no longer get away with it, and then maybe one day, eventually, with a whole lot of hope, dead beat baby daddy’s will no longer exist because there is nobody who supports such horrible cowardly acts and helps them to get away with being trash.
So you’re allowing your friend to be a deadbeat dad and piece of shit on your watch?
Do you know what that says about you? It’s not good. I’ll tell you that…
Part of being a good friend to somebody is telling them when they’re being a giant waste of space and motivating them, or at least telling them that they should do better. Not just letting them be a giant piece of shit on your couch.
You are a bad friend for enabling him and “encouraging” this behaviour by letting him get away with it. I would contact the family and tell them exactly where he is. And he can either go take care of the consequences of his actions or lose you as a friend. Bc it says a lot about you if you stay friends with someone this selfish. Everyone in the situation is scared, ashamed and overwhelmed, he is no victim, he is a coward.
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I’d hate to be the little sister. Really really hate to be her.
Being nice is giving him a couch to sleep on.
Being kind would involve taking him to task about what he did.
It’s difficult to be kind. Are you a nice person or a kind person is the next question.
Lmao, yall are nasty. OP’s not enabling him, they’re trying to figure out what to do. Maybe ACTUALLY read the entire thing.
Girl as a true friend you need to tell him he is being a POS. And when it got too hard he just took off! I feel sorry for his x gfriend and the sister. Not to mention the innocent baby involved! He needs to be a man and go take care of his responsibilities!
When you say younger , by how much?
Your friend is a POS. If he was a decent person he would be trying to help at least the mother of his child, and the child. He should be ashamed because his actions are both shameless and shameful.
How old are the people involved?
Your friend is a bad person straight up and your not much better knowing what he’s done the lies and deceit and invite that scum to live with you..hope you don’t have a girl lmao
Guy is scum, 0 excuse. I don’t think you have any saying in this. Would call him out, and then decide what to do. Associating with him may cause you problems in the long run, kicking him out is an option. What truly matters here is your peace of mind, no matter what he says or do.
Your friend panicked and ran away. That wasn’t right but it was at least understandable. All of us have panicked and run away once or twice. But this is a big problem and it will never go away. Running and hiding will only make it worse.
The plain fact is that if your friend doesn’t go back and face up to this problem, he is going to be a sad and miserable coward for the rest of his life. Your friend is being selfish. Fine. Let him be selfish. Just remind him that what’s best for him is to deal with this problem. Going back and facing up to it will not be easy, of course, but it’s the only way to go forward from here.
If it’s any consolation, I’ve done various stupid things and gotten in trouble many times. In my experience, things tend to work out a little better than you think. If you make a sincere effort to right the wrong you’ve done, it usually goes okay. And you can look at yourself in the mirror again. That’s important.
If you just let him stay, then you aren’t a good friend. A good friend confronts you when you do dumb things.
All of this is his fault. It’s his mess to clean up, not yours. Why isn’t he helping take care of things, at least financially?
Stop enabling him. Give him a deadline to move out, kick him out on that day, and change the locks immediately. And don’t be friends with losers like this!
Damn
You would be a good friend by not coddling him. Tell him his shit. To man the fuck up and at least offer child support. Hold him accountable for his disgusting behavior. He’s using you as an escape from his own actions.
Anyone worth anything in a relationship with you should be questioning your morals and commitment since you and supporting and associating yourself with him.
You’re disgusting by association just for harboring him. Tell him to man up.
He FAFO’d hard and now he’s being an utter piece of trash for abandoning the child he helped created to boot. It’s no wonder you’re wondering who he even is now, because he has truly acted like such a disgusting piece of shit that I’d be worried that he’s going to stain your couch!
In your shoes I’d probably be so disgusted that I wouldn’t even want him under my roof, as that is no different from enabling his abandonment of his kid. I’d also contact them and let them know you can help them find him in case they want to go after him for child support, etc. Don’t let him make you complicit in his shitty behavior.
These were all his choices. He chose this life. He’s no victim. He’s no lost soul, he’s a bitch and a loser. Being a good friend would mean you should have left him out cause he’s going to bring those issues with you and god forbid involve you and leave you to pickup the pieces
Kick him out.
Why are u enabling this monster?
Tell him that you love him like a brother and hence it’s your job to tell him to stop acting like an idiot and man up.
The shame, overwhelm, and fear will build if he does not deal with his shit. You can offer to help him deal with that but there is no “start over” especially if he is distantly related to her. Offer to help him draft a plan (i.e. how to apologize to ex and her family, will he pay for the baby’s support, co-parent or marriage, etc).
OP – Don’t be an enabler. Supporting your friend, who has proven to be a horrible human being, shows the kind of person you are. Do better.
Man, that’s wild… He’s still my boy, but damn – makes you wonder who the hell he even is noww
please stop falling for chatgpt posts
stuck between a rock and a hard place
Have an honest conversation with your friend. You can be there for him and also be truthful about what he did. Maybe he just needs to find his way back.
You need to tell him to be a fucking man and stand up and take care of his child. Nothing else matters. If he was in those kids shoes, what would he want him to do? He caused this mess because he couldn’t control himself sexually do not enable him.
Sorry but he wouldn’t be my friend he’s a deadbeat and a loser
So the sister is now stuck with a kid who will most likely have medical issues for the rest of his life, it will take up all her time and money, most likely the families, and the sisters relationship is also ruined unless the sister forgives her. This guy literally messed up their family and bailed, get rid of him. What a piece of shit.
Kick his deadbeat ass off your couch. He’s dug his grave now he can lie in it instead of abandoning the disaster of his own creation.
Why would you want to be friends with someone like that ? Why would you want to help someone hide from the shitty things he’s done
You 1. Stayed friends with this man knowing everything he did 2. Opened your door to him as he fled his disabled child 3. Are letting this man continue to sleep in your home and think of him as a friend AFTER knowing exactly what type of person he is.
You are the company you keep. I can’t fathom how deranged your morals must be to have gotten you here but my sympathy for you is somehow almost lower than my sympathy for him because at least he’s not acting like he has morals.
‘He was ashamed overwhelmed, scared’
Awe, diddums
I Wonder if the sister who’s just been left to care for a very sick child on her own knows how that feels?
Your friend is not a hood friend, not only he cheated, but he abandon and run away, I’d kick him out from your place if I were you
So he screwed up a whole family and abandoned his medically fragile child. He’s a loser and you’re an enabler to one of the worst men on the planet.
I hope you both have the day you deserve.
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So he fled his responsibilities, two women, AND a sick baby? He doesn’t think that entire family is overwhelmed and scared?
If the sister is underage, he probably fled from the law as much as his responsibilities. If it is a country that oppresses women, it is even more sinister.
Regardless of the court system, he is guilty in the court of public opinion(but probably still a real criminal, though).
Where is the good? Why are you harboring/aiding him? Do you have feelings for him? If you do, expect a repeat.
I would like to know what the chances are of a “couple” of third cousins having a child with health problems resulting from consanguinity, I say this because in my family there are two couples of first cousins, and damn, all their children were born perfect, I would like to know if what happened to the op’s friend was karma hitting hard or pure bad luck from consanguinity acting…
Your friend is a massive POS.
I feel so sorry for his ex girlfriend. Not only was she betrayed by her boyfriend, but her own fricking sister! The sister is a massive AH herself, but your friend is an even bigger one. He literally blew up his exes life, then fled the minute he found out that his child that he had with his mistress, had serious health issues.
If he’s distantly related to the younger sister, he’s distantly related to the older sister, as well. The relationship then needed to explode.
The joy of being a man and say « Imma start over » and leave this mess I created behind.
Why are you even helping him? He need to take care of what he made himself. He fcked around and found out and now he need to be held accountable.
I think you’re truly kind because you offered him some grace after what he did. But he needs to take accountability because the situation he created is horrible. He has to go back and offer support to his kid and the mother. If he doesn’t accept to face it but continue to flee this situation, you’ll need to question if this type of friend really worth it? If you want to spend your life with a friend who has this type of loser behaviour ? Also given my pattern recognition he’ll most definitely betray you badly in some kind of way because clearly he has no values.
He’s a shit guy – your a good friend for supporting him, even if he’s abandoning his child. He doesn’t need to start over, he needs to grow up and own it. He screwed up and screwed around. He needs to get child support lined up in the very least. And you need to be a good friend and call him on his bullshit.
What a dirt bag
On a lesser degree my sister slept with her close friends bf and said “he’s the one in a relationship”… Oh how they excuse and enable themselves. I was appalled, but telling her she was wrong didn’t change anything. We can’t make people do anything they don’t wanna do. Won’t lie though- I lost all respect for her and don’t go out of my way to see her anymore. Hopefully your friend sees the light and takes responsibility for his kid.
So he gets a fresh start by running away from the shit he started and you’re letting him get that fresh start…..eh
Stop enabling him tell him he needs to go back and support the child
Imagine if he never came inside her and avoided this mess. Exactly. It’s his stupid decision to ruin everything for a few moments of pleasure. Life’s truest tests come in form of easy riddles. This dude FAILED miserably.
He is so not the victim here. He needs to pay child support. Make sure they know where he is! Who needs friends like that??
He needs to step up and help his girl and his child, not hide like a fucking coward and “start over”.
He’s a piece of shit. You’re enabling a piece of shit.