tldr: title + when questioned about it by our guy friends, the girls i was supposed to ride with just kept defending themselves and got angry when questioned. they remember exactly what happened and were fine so they were in their right minds when they made the decision to leave me. i already made the decision to drop the girls as ”friends” at least but does anyone think i should try talking about it again with them? or i guess i’m just looking for general advice after still processing that this happened to me and i almost died.
original post: i want to know if i am going crazy, overreacting, or am justified in how i feel?? basically, me (23f) went to cancun last week with 3 other girls and 4 guys (all 23, 8 total) to celebrate half of our birthdays which were in march. leading up to the trip, which we’ve been talking about since november, we said so many times that no one is getting left behind in any circumstance – even made a signed contract about it.
the first day we all got there, they left me at the airport… and took the ride we all PREPAID for to the AirBNB without letting me know. i called and texted multiple times in our group chat, and by the time someone finally responds, i hear car and chatter in the background. i had to get a $50 taxi BY MYSELF to the AirBNB, and they barely acknowledged what happened. when i say barely, i mean none of them acknowledged what happened except for one girl who just said “[she’s] glad i made it safely since it gets chaotic when trying to figure out meeting up”. but not chaotic to the point where you all figured out how to meet up without me? at this point, i’m just trying to delude myself into having a good time.
the next day, we go to this hip hop boat party that has unlimited drinks. we all drink, we have a time, and then it’s time to go home. at this point, i was damn near blackout drunk. the last thing i remember is being on the boat, and the next thing i know i woke up in my airbnb topless. i asked the girls what happened since i don’t remember, and they’re telling me all this stuff that happened and we’re all laughing about it. then one of the guys immediately asks the girls why did they leave me at the boat party by myself – they immediately get angry and defensive and claim that i said i had to throw up….
over the net day or two after the party happened, my memory slowly started to come back a bit. what happened was that we planned to get 2 ubers back to the AirBNB, one with the girls and one with the guys. i was fully in the car with the other girls, and my head was out the window because i had to get some air and the boat we just came off of was extremely rocky the whole time. maybe i got out of the car to get some air or because i was feeling a bit sick and needed to stand up for a sec, but regardless, they PULLED OFF and LEFT in the uber – taking my PHONE, WALLET, AND CLOTHES with them. i was literally standing and wandering around, and thankfully one of the guys (WHO WERE ALSO ABOUT TO PULL OFF IN THEIR UBER) happened to see me, came and got me, and took me home and took care of me. the guys also told me that i never threw up…
mind you, since the girls recalled to me everything that happened on the boat party, and also defended their actions about leaving me blackout drunk at night by a large body of water in a foreign country that is known for human trafficking and cartels especially, they were in their complete right minds when they made this decision to do this to me.
i guess for me, i’m just in complete disbelief? like what was the thought process or conversation that occurred that led to them making the decision to do this to me, especially with all the implications that would have arisen from that? they didn’t even tell the guys they left me, the guys literally just happened to see me. especially with my one friend, we’ve been friends for years and i’ve been nothing but an amazing friend to her… how do you tell someone you “love” them all the time and make the conscious decision to do that to them? mind you, my “friend” is the main girl who wanted us to sign this contract, is the one who took my phone, wallet, and clothes, and was the main one getting angry about people questioning her…
also, regarding the possibility of them not wanting to be “inconvenienced”, that’s null because the last night we were there, we all went clubbing and two of the girls (my “friend” included) were so drunk and incapacitated they had to quite literally be carried around the whole night. like they kept passing out, falling, wandering off by themselves etc. EVERYWHERE. to the point we had to stop dancing or always keep watch of them like we were chaperoning kids. so if everyone can step in to keep them safe and all together in that moment when we had to take care of them the entire night, what the fuck was the reason for them doing what they did to me?
i’ve already made the decision to cut them off i guess, the girls at least, but i think i’ve just been struggling to process the “why” part of things, especially since i easily could’ve been another headline or hashtag right now. or does anyone think i’m being too harsh for cutting them off, or think i should attempt to have another conversation on top of the ones that have already been had about it? for context, i literally facetimed them before the trip to say how, it’s probably common sense, but it’s rlly important that we need to STAY TOGETHER and no one gets left under ANY FUCKING circumstance, especially as black girls in another country we’ve never been to – i literally brought up that brown girl who went missing in DR, whose “friends” left her on a beach by herself and took her phone and wallet and left her, just for them to literally do the same exact thing to me… only difference between me and that girl is im black and i didnt fucking DIE
i just don’t want to be gaslit and invalidated especially because i think this is genuinely one of the worst things a “friend” has ever done to me and was honestly pretty fucking sick, twisted, dehumanizing, and violent. like how do you even justify yourself doing this…
Comments
Sounds like you need new friends cause these people aren’t.
These people are not your friends. Friends do not do this.
Also, you need to personally be more responsible and not drink until blackout drunk. Do you do that often?
You are valid in these feelings you are having. And honestly if I was you, I would send one big blow up text stating how you feel and then block them and cut them out.
Cut out the girls because no true friends would do that. From what I read, (and not knowing anything else besides what you typed here) I would still be at least friends with the one guy who took you home and made sure you were okay if not all the guys.
But that is just too evil and sick in my mind. Get new girl friends who actually care about you.
Friends do not do this. Friends do not leave the airport without confirming where everyone is.
Friends do not, under any circumstance, leave a drunk friend behind. Throw up potential or not.
I travel with a group of friends a lot, including over seas. There is a responsibility and respect every shares for everyone else. Not even in a mother hen way, everyone just genuinely cares that everyone else is accounted for.
They endangered your life. These people are vile.
I don’t know why, but these girls all hate you. As in seriously hoping you will die hate you. Cut off all contact with them immediately.
These people seemingly want you dead. Lesson learned. Get home, never talk to them again.
Getting blackout drunk with people who left you at the airport in Mexico as a young woman was a mistake. They already showed you they did not care about you or your safety. I’m spelling this out clearly not to blame you, but so you can learn from this.
But the next step is obvious. Get home safely, never speak to them again.
None of that is normal, okay, or acceptable. You deserve better than that.
But nothing you say to them or do to them will change it. So you need to just get home safe, and never talk to them again. You will never convince them what they did was wrong, you will never get justice/revenge
This is going to be a hard event to process. You might go through the stages of grief. You will need support from a loved one.
I’m livid for you. Something kinda similar happened at me 18 and hearing your story really triggered that. It makes me sick to my stomach that people can do that to young ladies. To cause them harm and gloat.
Anyways. Take care of yourself and be safe and I hope nothing bad like this ever happens to you again. We have to protect ourselves, I always have a plan to get myself home safely and I don’t blackout anymore etc etc.
Not blaming you, I had to learn these lessons the hard way too.
These people suck. I wouldn’t leave an enemy in this state, much less someone I care about.
These are not your friends
What the hell did I just read? They took your phone and wallet and CLOTHES and left you at the side of the road? They straight up wanted you gone permanently. How the heck did you even end up on this trip? These people sound like psychopaths; no one else would dream of doing something like that to even their worst enemy.
The airport thing alone would have pissed me off majorly, but the rest of it? These girls are diabolically evil.
This is terrifying. It sounds like they are genuinely trying to ensure you are put in a situation where you’ll be kidnapped r*ped and murdered – no joke there is no other reason for them intentionally leaving someone drunk and in a state of undress, taking their clothes, wallet and phone so they can’t even get themselves out of the situation. These girls HATE you.
Something doesn’t make sense here. They left you alone at the airport day 1, with no explanation? How did you become separated from them immediately?
Listen- you are responsible for yourself only. Blacking out in a foreign country is a dangerous, ignorant thing to do. You’re very lucky this did not end up worse, it easily could have. You can’t expect other people to be responsible for you when you can barely stand yourself. It sounds like everyone was drinking, so you shouldn’t expect blacked out tourists girls to take care of you like your own mother would.
You guys sounds exactly like the type of nightmare tourists that flock to Cancun every week. It may be time for you all to re-evaluate your relationship with alcohol. Regardless of your friends’ behavior, this all would have been avoided had you looked after yourself and drank responsibly.
This is also a good reason to stop drinking. It’s never wise to get blackout drunk in another country, or anywhere, even if you thought you had friends nearby. And it was obvious that these aren’t your friends from the second they left you alone in the airport.
Be wiser in the future.
I’m so sorry as your ex-friends treated you horribly! I would no longer consider them friends and if they ask you why I’d say that my friends are important to me. So important that I would never allow them to be hurt and you realize that they don’t feel the same way about you and that’s something you can’t forget. So they knowingly left a woman, black out drunk with no money, clothes or her phone. Plus are you fluent in Spanish? If not that compounds the egregiousness of the whole situation.
You have shitty friends. Or they’re not actually your friends, but you’ve convinced yourself they are?
Either way, moral of the story is that you’re an adult. You’re not a kid or a teenager. You need to be responsible for your own well being. You’re not with your parents. The idea of getting blackout drunk in another country, away from your hotel, is kinda crazy. You’re very lucky the only thing that happened was an inconvenience and not being assaulted or worse
Those girls are cruel
My daughter just turned 24. They are lucky you aren’t mine bc let me tell you the delights they would be in for.
They are true scum, and not your friends. When they took off in the Uber that was your sign. When they blew that off that was another sign. Girls like that are precisely why I do not fuck with friends anymore.
There are so many evil manipulative people walking the earth that do this all the time, tell you they love you, etc etc etc then pull this shit.
They are really fucking lucky they are not facing legal charges.
You should talk to the guys about why they were ok leaving you at the airport.
The girls left you for dead. I understand wanting to know more, but you’re not going to get it out of them. If you want to find out, you have to work through the guys. Tell them how you feel and see if they can get the truth.
These people aren’t your friends and I’m convinced these girls actually hate you. Idk about the boys, the Uber from the airport is telling.
I’ve done trips like this with my friends (large mixed group, lots of partying and drinking) and I swear none of this even crossed our minds. NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND.
When people show you who they are, believe them. Never be alone with any of those girls, they literally wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire.
Don’t worry about the why. You can’t explain cruelty like this. If they ask why you don’t want to hang anymore, remind them they left you on a beach in a foreign country to rot. It’s only by the grace of god that nothing happened and the boys saw you before they pulled out.
I’ve been black out drunk before and my friends always took care of me. Men and women, they made sure I was ok. Also vice versa if they got fucked up. Hell we’ve even helped strangers. These girls are bad people.
If you haven’t partied with them in your town don’t party with them in a town you’re vacationing in
It sounds like the guys have the right judgment and are calling out how these girls are receiving you
Can I ask you know these girls through one of the guys and that’s how this trip came together ? Honest question no judgment just want to know how you got into this group of girls
Also, if you’re drinking till blackout drunk, please seek help. Because it’s just not safe say if a random guy picked you up and took advantage of you? You need to be very careful. And get new friends they’re not your friends. They don’t like you hence why they were so mean to you.
Honestly, if you have a written contract and proof they they broke it, you could potentially sue them in small claims court. Not saying it would be worth it, but it might teach them not to fuck around with people’s personal safety.
They are definitely not your friends. You could send them one last message saying that you began remembering the night and you’re fully aware of what they did and you are not longer comfortable associating with anyone who would put your life in danger TWICE for their convenience. Or, just throw your middle finger in the air and leave them ALL in the rearview. I bet one of those girls likes one of those guys and you were somehow “in the way,” so being friends with the group at all is not worth it.
“in a foreign country that is known for human trafficking and cartels “
Glad to know my country is only known for this.
As someone who has seen various forms of this behavior – best case scenario they are too shallow and self involved to actually care about anyone else’s well being. Worst case scenario, they do not like you at all and could give a fuck about whether you made it home alive or not.
Not only are these girls not your friends, they are absolutely heinous human beings. Cut them off and do not look back.
Those “friends” would be all crying in the news about your disappearance and how you are their best friend.
It’s sad you prolly never know why unless 1 of those “friends” grows a conscience.
My childhood bestie had this happen to her in college, but the girls left her sitting against the wall inside a nightclub at the edge of the dance floor. I was doing a headcount when we left the club and asked where she was. The girls told me SHE WENT HOME. I literally had to carry her to the uber. They had taken her purse “so she didn’t get robbed” but left her there alone.
These people are monsters who DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. Find better friends.
First, so happy you didn’t become a news story. Holy shit, the guy who seen you, brought you back and questioned the girls is the only one I would consider a friend. Those girls, are absolutely horrible human beings. Don’t walk but run away from those girls as fast as you can. 100% guarantee they will also back stab each other someday.
Also, as someone in their early 40s, this is a perfect example of not drinking too much. I can tell you that you can have just as much fun not being stupid drunk as those being stupid drunk but you get the benefit of not being ultra hungover. I never got stupid drunk and wouldn’t want too. You can see how fast things fall apart when you can’t remember anything and you really don’t know people well
I am glad you are alive to tell this story.That girl had bad intentions from the beginning and the other girls are as culpable.
I’m 35. You all clearly sound like a group of children who don’t understand their limits and personal safety. Adults do not put themselves in positions that make it so other people need to take care of them. Period. Full stop. Stop getting blackout drunk. It sounds like you all have some serious growing up to do. I would personally leave Mexico right now and go home and start reassessing my life and friendships if I were you. None of these people are people you need. Both the guys and the girls.
Friends? What friends
Wow. I’ve seen and read some chicken shit shit in my life, and this is the most reprehensible thing that I’ve seen in quite some time. What stopped them from just rolling you into the bay? Witnesses?
How did you meet these “friends” because it sounds like they never wanted you to go on this trip?
This is the type if shit I’d air out publicly cuz wtf
Wow.. You could have been seriously injured, kidnapped, assaulted, murdered, etc. You had no faculties about yourself, and people that care about you would recognize that and make sure you got home safe. A true friend also wouldn’t encourage you to get so fucked up you don’t remember your night.
Glad you’re safe OP
Sounds like they used you to subsidize the costs but didn’t really want you there. They aren’t friends in the least and they aren’t worth talking to anymore until they apologize and take accountability for what they’ve done to you. Avoid them.
Wow, these people SUCK
They are not your friends. Besides that, getting ditched once at the airport should be a sign not to get wasted with these people
I hope they’re forgotten when they’re in need
> but not chaotic to the point where you all figured out how to meet up without me?
I wonder what they say about you in the group chat that you’re not part of.
They are not your friends and don’t get blackout drunk. Take care of yourself.
They were irresponsible and not looking out for you. I wouldn’t trust them as friends. The guys seemed to step up and make sure you got back safely. As long as none of them took advantage of your inebriated state, they seem like ok guys.
I wouldn’t expect the guys to drop the girl as friends. But from your story it seems at least one of them was a friend enough to you to make sure you were safe and back your rightful anger.
This is fucking wild and has the whiff of “these girls hate you and talk about you behind your back”.
That is my worst nightmare for my daughters! I tell them always to be careful and to make sure they stay together. One evening my youngest was drugged and 2 men were trying to walk off with her. Thank God one of her male friends saw this and stopped them, I might have never seen her again. That terrified her and she is extra careful and never drinks to the point of being so drunk she can’t function.
This is a hard lesson, but one you need to learn from. Don’t ever let yourself get to the point you can’t control yourself and expect others to take care of you. Always, I mean always have someone with you that is either sober or not drinking as much so if something happens they can react. Those girls are not your friends, friends do not act like that. Thank God the guys found you, things could be very different if they hadn’t.
Tell them that they are not your friends because friends don’t treat you like that. Cut all contact and find yourself some new friends. But please don’t drink to the point you are blackout drunk, you can’t defend yourself if something happens.
Anyone minimizing or gaslighting you about this is not your friend! I’m so glad that the guy that spotted you was helpful and got you back safely, but honestly the chances of that are dicey too. He could have been another sort just as easily.
They purposely and knowingly put you in a dangerous situation. They not only left you, they took your only means of communication and paying for travel when they did.
I know you already know that getting drunk to that degree was a terrible idea. I hope you have learned that you can only ever really trust yourself 100% and that you won’t put yourself in that situation again. But you shouldn’t have ever been in that situation in the first place with anyone that considered themselves your friend. Sadly, this sounds more like mean girls and you were there to subsidize their trip costs. They clearly hate you for whatever reason. This had to have been a plan from the beginning.
Sounds like they didn’t want you there to begin with. F*cking college mean girl behavior.
Drop the lot of them. Find better friends.
They left you twice. And both times you were on your own and potentially could have been either raped or killed. Especially during that black out drunk party boat thing.
I’d wonder if my drinks were spiked on that boat, honestly. Maybe not by your ‘friends’ but someone else, but still.
These girls do not care about you and are a serious risk to you if you even think of being friends with them again. Cut them off FOREVER!!!
Be grateful you are still alive and move on.
Wow!! Who needs enemies when you have friends that happily leave you without any means to get home, in a vulnerable position. You were lucky you didn’t become another statistic.
You don’t need to say anything – just slowly withdraw or don’t ever rely on these people again. That means – you carry your phone, card and cash, have your own key to a hotel room if it’s shared, plan on how to get someone or how you will get home on a night out, don’t drink to excess.
No point discussing this further. These people are people that don’t give a shit about you. You can’t change that. They’re the type that would probably sell their own children to fund their drug habit.
You said they are friends? Doesn’t sound like it
I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s disgusting and frankly, evil. This was all clear to them and they knowingly did this to you.
The boys sound like good guys, but only you know how true that is. The girls, and that ‘bestie,’ are not good people.