Hey Reddit, I (21M) and my partner (22F)could use some honest advice. This is a long one, so thanks in advance if you stick through it.
I’ve been getting a lot of judgment and passive-aggressive comments from my friend group lately, saying things like, “You’re always with your girlfriend” or “You’re pushing everyone away,” or “I miss the old times when we used to hang out more.” One person even said, “Keep pushing people away and you’ll have no one.” That one stung the most.
Here’s the truth: I’m working a full-time blue collar job, I’m in school part-time. I’m also in a committed relationship with my girlfriend, who’s been one of the only people supporting me through this incredibly draining time. I’ve been mentally and physically exhausted. When I am with her, it’s not like we’re always “doing stuff”, sometimes I’m just sleeping, or we’re quietly watching a show. She’s literally the only place I feel at peace.
And she has had to pick up the emotional pieces when I come home drained or broken down by the people who claim to care about me. She even stepped in recently and defended me, saying that if I’m hurting, she’s hurting, and that people don’t see how hard I’m trying just to stay afloat.
I’ve tried explaining to my friends that I’m not trying to ditch them, I’m just tired, stretched thin, and trying to build a life that isn’t falling apart every five minutes. But it feels like nothing I say matters. The guilt-tripping just keeps happening. And now I’m at a point where I don’t even want to explain myself anymore. I’m done begging to be understood.
I still care about some of these people. But I’m wondering…
Am I being unfair? Or is it okay to walk away from friendships that make me feel guilty for growing up and setting boundaries?
Have any of you dealt with this? What helped you? Should I cut contact, or is there another way to handle this without completely burning the bridge?
Thanks for reading. I’m honestly just tired of feeling like the bad guy for trying to survive.
Comments
It sounds like your friends aren’t being supportive right now. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being. Have you considered talking to them one last time, focusing on how their words make you feel?
Here’s a hot take: I think you should consider forcing yourself to spend a little time with your friends. Not the ones you don’t really care about and not the ones who are trying to interfere in your relationship. But having friends outside of your relationship is important. If you find yourself only relying on your girl you run the risk of becoming codependant. It will also, over time, increase the emotional burden on your girl if she is your only outlet for venting and discussion. I’m not saying you need to spend a lot of time here, but I think a little time will go a long way.
Blue collar is rough, people don’t realize how draining and physically demanding job is. Are they asking you to do things you’ve always done, or things that are out of your comfort zone and new?
This just sounds like part of growing up. You have to focus on making your life the best it can be, just remember that life also involves social interactions. I really only see my bestest of friends 1-2 times a month (less if they’re in different cities), but that time is well spent. Make time for your friends, but work and building yourself a life is so important! I hope they can understand that.
I had to go through a similar situation with work and school and just trying to make it through the day. You got this! Give yourself grace and hopefully your friends can too
It seems like your friends don’t understand the phase of life you’re going through. I’m 23F and have dealt with some similar things in the last few yeara as someone caught in the middle. I’ve had friends in your shoes that balanced a career, school, and a relationship and others who could only be contacted via smokescreen because they move every 3 months for a new prospect.
Keep their contacts, check in when the feeling strikes you, but don’t feel guilty that you can’t match their lifestyle anymore. You’ve moved into a new phase of life and you’re making mature decisions to take care of yourself and your partner first. If they’re truly that upset about not being first priority anymore, it shows their lack of maturity and empathy. I will wager that they’ll come around with time, but don’t hold your breath on it. You’ll make more friends through work, school, and life that will connect with you based on your new shared experiences.
Losing old friends sucks, but sometimes it just means the friendship needs reshaping. Some of the friends I spent all of my time with in high school are now people I only see once a year. I’m actually meeting up with one of them next week before he moves back for another year of grad school.
Anyways OP, I hope your friends will come around to understand that your daily life has changed and that you’re able to stay friends in the long run, even if it looks different. Just keeping putting your effort into your work life, taking care of school, and making your girlfriend your priority. It sounds like you’re winning in life, to me.