Went to dinner and had drinks with my boyfriend and my friend and his boyfriend. All of us had a decent amount of drinks, had fun, and parted ways. A few hours later my boyfriend sends me a screenshot of our friend asking for a dick pic. He said no, that’s for my lady only. My boyfriend has never given him any kind of signals or signs that he is interested or that anything like that would be okay. I confronted my friend about it, told him that’s not okay and extremely disrespectful to me, my boyfriend, and our relationship. He said he was hammered and sorry that he did that, and he was joking. He apologized to my boyfriend the next day before I ever confronted him about it. I was surprised that he would ever send such a message, that’s not how he is at all. I’m still pissed about it, my friend wants to talk it through and I don’t feel ready yet. We’ve been best friends for about 5 or 6 years. I feel lost. I don’t know how to get past this one. Should I even try to get past it? Even though my boyfriend says he’s okay, I can’t help but think it would be weird or uncomfortable for him if we ever did hang out with this friend again. I’m not not even mad for myself, I’m mad because the man I love was put in an uncomfortable position.
My gay best friend asked my boyfriend to send him a dick pic
r/Advice
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I get how much this hurts you and your boyfriend, the trust was shaken. If he genuinely apologized and you’re still unsure, take your time to heal, but don’t ignore how your boyfriend feels. If you want to move past this, it’s about understanding the boundaries and making sure they’re clear to everyone. Don’t rush, process it together, and trust your instincts on whether the friendship can go back to normal.
that crossed a line drunk or not. If it were me, I’d keep my distance until I knew I could trust him to respect me and my relationship again.
Whewww. Drunk or not, “joking” or not, he crossed a major boundary, not just with your boyfriend, but with you, and with your relationship. Sexual jokes don’t hit the same when they’re unsolicited and aimed at someone in a committed relationship with your best friend. That’s not flirtation. That’s disrespect with a side of “I didn’t think this through.” Yes, he apologized. But you’re allowed to still be upset. Because this isn’t just about the message, it’s about the violation of trust and safety.
Now… should you talk it through? Maybe. But only when you’re ready, and only if he’s approaching the convo from a place of true accountability, not “oops lol my bad.” If you feel like he gets the weight of what he did, that’s step one. But if he starts minimizing it again or deflecting it with humor? ✨Conversation over✨. Your friendship doesn’t have to end. But it does have to grow up. You’re not just being a girlfriend right now. You’re being a woman with standards.
It doesn’t matter how drunk your friend was what he messaged your boyfriend was completely inappropriate and I’m sorry I don’t see how you can move past that. He went behind your back and message your boyfriend asking for intimate pictures and then chalked it all up to being hammered is such a weak excuse it is unreal.
While you’re entitled to your feelings, your best friend has communicated his apology and admitted it was a mistake. Your partner has said he’s forgiven the best friend.
If the friendship is truly important to you, I think you owe to your best friend and yourself to give him the chance to apologize once you’re in a better spot.
My advice would be to take ownership of your feelings and only your feelings. It is totally right for you to feel slighted here. Your best friend overstepped! But be careful to not project your discomfort onto your boyfriend (for example, believing your boyfriend will be uncomfortable while he himself says he’s moved past it).
Alcohol makes you do stupid things.
If we stopped being friends with people every time they made a poor decision due to alcohol, we’d have a lot less friends in our lives.
However, it’s up to you if this is worth losing a friend over.
He is not your best friend 😉
Why do you have a gay best friend and a boyfriend at same time?
If a female friend did that to my partner, I wouldnt forgive or have a relationship with her. Your friend being male should not mean being more lenient with his actions. Alcohol is an excuse, once trust is broken it is hard to regain it. I would end the friendship.
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He obviously isn’t your friend now is he?
He knows your boyfriend is straight so there is no malice, or competition behind it, only crude humor. You are right to be mad but I don’t think you should end the relationship solely based on a very bad joke (if you too are close that is).
Sounds like an ex-gay best friend to me.
You will be well served to understand why this troubles you so much.
Is your boyfriend bi so this tweaks an insecurity? Do you perceive this as a threat to your boyfriend’s continued love for you?
How well does he know your boyfriend? Drunk people sometimes make tasteless jokes.
Just know that some people don’t need a reason or signals to be interested in someone. I would just drop him as a friend he’s clearly after your boyfriend.
Your gay ex-friend thinks that is okay?
It’s a regular saying that only children and drunks tell the truth. So it seems to me that your gay friend finds your BF very attractive and he’s not your best friend because this is absolutely disrespectful
What about if the friend’s boyfriend would have asked for the pic instead of him. Will he be happy and talk it through? he will be pissed!
I have a rule that any communication between MY friends and my SO/partner are a group with me included.
Only exception would be a surprise for my partner but I’d use a group chat for this purpose.
Same rule for her friends – if I even have their numbers – it would be a group chat with my GF included.
This way my SO gets to see why I send to her friends and what they send me and vice versa. Everything is above board and if somebody steps out of line, the direct friend can handle it.
I think your BF is truly unbothered by the request and handled it well. Your GBF seems to understand they crossed a line and they seem genuinely remorseful about it.
I think it’s fair to give them a second chance and put this behind you.
The fact that he apologized BEFORE you confronted him is a very good sign
Talk it out if they need to and set firm boundaries- like a group chat but make it clear that they are not to message each other directly
So if a dude does to the female in a relationship, what’s the difference.
That was way inappropriate and disrespectful of your friend. I would give it some space and time and see if the friendship survives.
It’s good they have at least reconciled, however this ain’t something I’d entertain anymore, best distance yourself from your friend. You disrespect someone they better earn respect otherwise it’s not even worth your time to bother with them. I make it a point that as a friend I don’t send these sorts things to my friends gfs/bfs etc because I know I’d be ignoring their personal space so it becomes disrespectful, drunk or not. Distance yourself or just go no contact with them.
Your friend is obviously curious about your boyfriend, unfortunately he disrespected your friendship. It’s basically over.
He was drunk, and the apologized on his own, shirt being made to apologize… get over it, forgive and move on. Your life will be so much better giving little grace, instead of hanging onto grudges.
Alcohol helps people tell the truth. Look at it this way if it was your best girlfriend and she asked him for a pic you would drop that friend in a heartbeat. The only reason this is even a discussion is that you are not concerned about your boyfriend dating your guy friend. Your boyfriend doesn’t want to make anything of it because if he did he would worry that some people would think he was gay. He’s not so he would rather laugh it off and move on. Honestly move on from this friend he was disrespectful to you and his partner. Not a very high quality individual.
He’s not your best friend anymore. Perhaps a distant friend if you’re being polite.
I believe I’d be pissed! By your post it sounds like you didn’t think it funny or a joke. That’s what matters. You feel how you feel. The whole dick pic on the phone thing is cringy to me. Let me just say,
No one ever really tells you, (it’s very disappointing), but you can rarely TRULY trust many people in your lifetime.
Did it have to be a pic of your bf’s dick? Just send a huge Black one.
Gay man here: don’t let that shit slide. Set boundaries, good secure and very pronounced boundaries.
Distance yourself
Try amd talk it through with him when you are ready and go from their. If things do not work out with this friend at least you can say that you tried.
This is a very subjective thing. In case you need to hear it, your feelings are valid whatever they are and including if they shift along the way. Personally to me, it’s no big deal at all… Sometimes when people are drunk, they say and do stupid things which if anything is an argument against getting drunk. Relationships can suffer. Having said that, I don’t think your friend betrayed you or disrespected you or your boyfriend. He just did a drunk impulsive, stupid thing and if he’s been such a great friend for years, I would hope that you get to a point where you can let it go and forget about it
Betrayal for sure. Sorry that happened to you. Have caution with that “friend”. Some believe drunk people are just showing their true colors; just turned up a notch.
I’d not be friends with them anymore. You literally can’t trust someone like that. Alcohol doesn’t do that to people. I’ve never ever done that or anything close to that just because I was “drunk”.