My girlfriend and I have been together for over 1.5 year. She often gets very upset if her wants or preferences aren’t met—this carries over into our relationship, where she expects my constant presence and support. She struggles with anxiety, and I end up putting in a lot of emotional effort to help her feel better. Many times, when she’s having a bad day and I’m genuinely busy, it escalates into an argument where I spend hours apologizing just to diffuse things.
Recently, I had an experience that really left me questioning things. My parent had a sudden medical emergency and was hospitalized. I live in a different city, so I rushed home to help. Throughout this period of few days, my girlfriend and I still managed daily video and phone calls, each lasting over two hours.
Once my parent was physically stable and discharged (their depression, which had been ongoing, got worse after this, they are on antidepressants), I thought things were a bit more settled. I went on a short outing in the afternoon with a friend. When I returned, I saw my parent was struggling emotionally and needed my support.
At the same time, my girlfriend had a bad dream and was missing me a lot.
I called her since she had plans for the night so she was busy afterwards. We talked for two hours, but then I needed to go and be with my parent. She asked me to stay, but I explained that might not be possible since my parent needed my attention. I said I’d try once they were asleep (maybe in 3 hours), but she said she had a party in 1.5 hours and needed me right then. When I politely said it wouldn’t be possible, she got very upset. Even after explaining I needed to care for my parent, she became extremely angry. To prevent things from getting worse, I ended up spending most of the next day apologizing on the phone, but she kept saying I disrespected her by not prioritizing her needs, even in this situation. She accused me of never being there for her, though there have been many times I’ve talked to her for hours during my own work just to help her during her anxiety episodes.
It’s starting to feel like whenever I have a genuinely stressful time, instead of offering comfort, my partner ends up becoming a bigger source of stress.
TL;DR:
My girlfriend expects my constant emotional support, even during a family emergency where my parent needed me. When I couldn’t immediately be there for her, it turned into a big fight with accusations that I never prioritize her.