We have been dating for over 3 years. Everything is great and we both love eachother very much however everytime we talk about future goals im not quite sure if we are aligned. She wants children and a house and marriage by 30, and I still dont know when I want kids. By 30 I would 100% want a house or at least be able to enter the market but kids and marriage to me seem not the right timing however I do know things can change. I am currently working on building my company and want to be financially ready before I bring any kids into this world. I understand that women have countdowns and all that with fertility rates going down nowadays so I do not want to stall her however I didnt realize how fast time is moving.
What do you guys think. I just want to know if anyone has had experience like this and what occured. I dont want us to resent eachother one day but it also sucks to let eachother go.
Tl;dr me and my gf share different future goals
Comments
I’m not going to leap immediately to break up, but I don’t think it bodes well that you’re not really on the same page about major goals.
Do you want to marry her? In the first year when I met my now wife, I knew I was going to marry her. I proposed in the 3rd year with an inexpensive ring (she never demanded for expensive diamonds and such) and we saved more money for the next two years for a small wedding and down payment for a house. Our goal for having a kid was not age but how much money we have saved. Kids are not cheap. And if you don’t have savings, having kids is double the stress. If she doesn’t understand that, then honestly she is not mature enough to have a planned kid.
If you still don’t know if you 100% want to marry her, then you know deep down she aint the one. Marriage is not expensive. If she really loves you, she would marry you with a ring pop. You can just wed at the court and have a small family reception. If you 100% want to marry her, you guys need to sit down and work out your finances forecast for the next 6 years. If it isnt going to hit your desired goal, then the goalpost for kids have to be pushed further.
By the time she’s 30, you’ll be 34. You’ve got 6 years to get the ball rolling. I think her timeline sounds very reasonable.
As far as marriage/house/kids go, typically you want to get married before buying a house together for legal reasons.
You also don’t want to wait too long to try to conceive because you just don’t know what kind of fertility hurdles you might experience. And did you know that men’s sperm quality also decreases as you age? Age-related fertility issues don’t just apply to women.
I’d say that she is not the one for you because it doesn’t seem that you are all that concerned about possibly losing her. In every relationship each person is entitled to their own goals and dreams. There are also times when adjustments are necessary. Sometimes, you give a little and sometimes you get a little. There is a whole group of older singles out here right now. The older women have moved on, accepted being single, have careers, purchased their homes , traveling, enjoying living their best life and the older men are bitter about the women having moved on and no longer being willing to wait. The men on the other hand are now older and want to settle down and be cared for but aren’t able to find the woman that they would have wanted years ago. Many lost the person that would have been the person of their dreams because they were stubborn, stuck on their own timeline and refused to compromise with their partners.