Me (28M) and my gf (24F) have been together for 5 years now. Lived together most of that time. In the beginning we kissed and cuddled all the time. Like nonstop. I’m an affectionate person and love kisses and cuddles, but in the past few years she has basically stopped doing all that. I’m always the one kissing her, hugging her, massaging her. She never does random acts like that to me anymore. I’ve told here many times that I miss that, and she will do it for a couple of days before she stops again. When we go to bed there is no spooning anymore, just look at phone until she falls asleep.
We don’t fight and get along well still. We have the same interest and humor and do everything together, but it’s really been feeling more like a friend than girlfriend lately.
We have talked about it, but nothing is changing.
Not sure what to do anymore. Really making me feel unloved.
Seems like we have grown away from eachother.
Should we just end it before it gets worse?
TL;DR:
My girlfriend is no longer intimate with me and I feel unloved. Should we end it before it gets worse?
Comments
What does she say when you tell her you’re unsatisfied with this dynamic and ask where it’s stemming from? The only way out of this is communication. If you can’t communicate about it, then yeah moving on is probably for the best.
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If you want to actually resolve this, you need to communicate. Maybe there’s a reason she’s not wanting to be intimate. Do you think you can accept or be receptive to hearing that? Are you willing to work on this?
Maybe something is bothering her. Maybe she’s comfortable or maybe realizing she has low libido. If it is low libido and she isn’t interested in doing anything about that, are you willing to accept that or is it a deal-breaker?
Ever read “Come as you are”?
When was the last time you initiated intimacy and what happened? When was the last time she initiated intimacy and what happened?
If she isn’t doing it with you either she is interested in doing it with someone else or plans to do with that someone.
And is planning on leaving you. Been there and have faced it. Just talk to her and you need to ask her serious questions. Make her talk to you the real truth.
My partner (32m) and I (25f) also have lost our intimacy. We were like old black & white movie sweethearts. Passionate kissing, warm cuddles, hugs form behind while I made breakfast. It’s been 7 years together now and we haven’t had sex in…well…I’ve lost count. I still am in-love with him deeply and am attracted to him but decided to open our relationship on his end a few years ago so he’s fulfilled. Maybe she’s in his position… in-love with you but no longer attracted. It’s your choice to stay or go. Best of luck!
I was in a relationship like this as well. It turned out my ex had previous sexual trauma that she had started to unravel within the last year of our relationship- while it explained a lot, it still wasn’t easy for me.
Not that it resolves your problem, or that it’s even similar. That being said, it is better to have a partner who’s open to receiving affection than one who doesn’t want it at all, too.
She probably won’t change. My ex and I had these issues for about 4 years, and I had to decide whether it was worth tying to find another partner over, or if I was happy with having a partner who was like 95% perfect for me.