Last night my gf of 3 months and I were having a fun conversation about celebrities when I happened to bring up a celebrity I found attractive, which we have done before without issue. I also made an offhand comment that they had some resemblance, intended as a compliment.
She reacted with disbelief at first, asking if I really felt they looked alike. The questioning went on and on as I kept trying to reassure her while trying not to lose patience. She has told me she is someone who needs a lot of reassurance so I was happy to do this.
But I felt like she crossed a line when she started accusing me of lying that I even found the celebrity attractive.
When asked she confirmed that she felt like I was trying to “shade” her indirectly. At this point I started feeling very stressed and upset. She kept insisting that I didn’t truly find the celebrity attractive, despite that being the reason I even brought her up in the first place.
I felt like I was talking to an insane person, my words had no effect on her as she dragged me into a hole of negativity she kept digging.
We talked about it afterwards and she said she got upset because she thinks the celebrity is ugly. (It isn’t even some funny looking celeb, I would say 95% of people consider her attractive)
It kind of feels like she thinks I wronged her because I didn’t somehow know she would find this celeb ugly.
She says her emotions are valid, which they are, but she thinks that makes it okay for her to act the way she did.
Although she pays lip service, she doesn’t really seem to see or acknowledge internally that I am upset because she took it way too far over a harmless comment. I felt she disrespected me and our relationship by accusing me of lying and overreacted hugely.
How do I make her see this? I know if I don’t it’s just going to come up again and I don’t want to deal with this stress for just trying to compliment someone.
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Sounds like it’s her problem, not yours.
>How do I make her see this?
You don’t. Just don’t care. You’re the man. You don’t give a shit about this.
>I think you’re the most beautiful, sexy thing in the world.
If she disbelieves you, that’s on her. As long as you ACTUALLY BELIEVE she’s the most beautiful and sexy thing in the world, then it doesn’t matter how upset she gets. Keep reassuring her. I’ve never been stressed out reassuring a girl because what the fuck why would you be.
I had to go back to look at your ages and was thinking 15 year old on her part, you can do better than dealing with that level of bizarre!
Her emotions can be valid AND you didn’t do anything wrong. You have nothing to do with the random shit that made her feel like she’s ugly.
Her emotions are valid. Her actions are not. Her insecurity is her issue and she made it yours. She sounds like she needs therapy.
ok you must share what celebrity I’m dying to know
Like someone else said, it’s a she problem, not a you problem. Dating someone with very low self esteem can be draining. She needs to figure out these things for herself. No matter how much reassurance you give, you can’t do the work for her. Be kind, honest and supportive. But also, don’t engage in her drama when she spirals with these things.
She is way too immature for that age. Definitely has some insecurities of her own.