I had a terrible dating live up to the point where being single was more favorable. I used to be quite social, interacted with people was a bit introverted but still quite well being. Still even in my youth I was never really approached romantically and all effort from my side ended up in rejection.
I had one relationship at around 24 for 4 years until she broke things off one day and was with someone else the day after.
That already hurt quite a bit where I shut myself in and tried to avoid women and not think about them. Still something was missing. I did feel very alone and somehow wanted to have someone again. So i got into dating apps…
This went on for like 3 years. Looking everyday, swipping left and right etc.. in those 3 years on tinder bumble and like 2 more there was not a single match.
On one where you had no pictures I talked to quite a few. Most lost interesst after a day or two (no big surprise i guess) and a very few would get at least to the point of trading pictures and get rejected after.
I’ve put this all up to understand how I ended up being hopeless and desperate and loose confidence in myself after I literally felt like I got no value at all. Its been a nightmare for real..
Anyway I was not completly broken yet so I went on a dating site and I was actually not even expecting anything. Funny enough when I least expected thats when I finally found the one I was looking for.
She is more than I deserve. Literally clicked right away. Great looks, great personality, just like a dream.
We texted for a few days, planned to meet shortly after (its not really LDR since its 2.5h but still a distance u could not travel every day) and we found ourself in a relationship.
Okay quite a long intro.. sorry for that but I just want you to know how this all went emotionally..
So she had depression in her childhood and got quite strong medication back then. I’ll not go into the whole medical story to keep it a bit short but a lot of wrong decissions have been made. From doctors, parents, etc..
Now when our relationship started we definitly had a good time. She had bad days sometimes and I tried to support to the best of my ability but most times I was also quite helpless as there was nothing I could really do.
A year later her condition didnt get better but she still worked hard on it, trying new methods to get well, try hypnosis, acupuncture, etc.. really tried whatever there is but nothing ever helped.
Now after 2 years ofc it had its toll on our relationship too. We started to see each other less due to her feeling worse more often. She is really desperate by now and thought about giving up on life a few times already.
Now just today we had a 7h call and well shes really at her limit and she really only tries for me alone but rather would be dead than going on.
For me this is impossible to bear. While I love her so much and we would have a wonderful future if ever her health would get better I can hardly expect her to keep enduring for me while its so hard on her.. lost at what I can or should do..
I dont expect that there will be a helpful advice. Maybe I just needed to write it all out for once. Maybe I should seek help too to process this somehow. Right now my mind is clear. Could be that since it was a slow build up I slowly adapted into it..
Well thats it a think. Thanks for anyone who reads till the end.
As per rule I should ask a question… Well I guess the main question is where to go from here? Do therapy? Leave her and hope its better for her that she doesnt have to endure anymore? Have faith and try support?
Well it sounds weird but there is also this fear of having to go back in the dating pool and start all over with rejection after rejection and feel terrible about myself.
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Call 911 if she is threatening to end her life or thinking about it. They will do a wellness check on her and decide whether she needs medical assistance.
You seek therapy. It’s okay if you need to leave or take a break. That’s a lot to take on for you if she isn’t seeking help. You cannot help someone help themselves.
Have yall tried mushrooms?
They’ve got some studies showing that it rewires the brain, can be very helpful
Call 911. She is depressed and needs therapy from whatever situation she is experiencing in life. It sounds like she’s not trusting if supports based on how you described her healthcare in the past. Get advice from someone qualified and have a discussion with her on going to something together to help her with the entire situation. Therapy would only work if she wants to be helped .She will need that support weather she wants it or not and will begin to feel better with time and a lot of positivity.
You have a 2 year relationship and still are having 7 hour phone calls. Is it mutual you don’t live together or close the distance gap? It leaves a lot of uncertainty as you don’t know what her immediate day to day life is and it’s hard to be a present partner if there is distance like that. My advice ? If she’s the one – make your presence and support fealt . Re assure her and be there for her . It will make everything else easier . And you can make the difference she needs. If you’re not all in – Or if she’s not , at this point you need to try and build a stronger relationship where you can support her if possible.
She is at a distance from you so you need to assess whether you can get the relationship closer – she is in pain and emotionally struggling. If you can’t be her support network you need to ensure she gets the help she needs with or without you. It’s a very complex relationship situation and I hope it works out for both of you .
She knows you can’t help her. She knows there’s nothing you can say to take away her depression. If you could, you would. But she needs to get back to therapy and/or the doctor for medication and all you can do is keep steering her in that direction. That is all you can do. You can lead the horse to water, but you can’t make them drink it.
It is not callous or shallow to decide that her mental health is the reason you want to split up. But you don’t have to tell her that is the reason.
I’m going to agree with everyone else here. Call 911 or 999 or 112, depending on where you are based in the world (America, UK, Europe). She has to re-engage with therapy/doctors/medication. There is no other way out. I have depression myself and am now getting helped because I swallowed my pride, listened to advice, and recconnected with the medical system. That being said, you cannot force her. The police might be able to if it comes to it. I know in the UK they can section people (basically take them into psychiatric hospital for their own safety and the safety of others too.)
However this pans out, look after yourself too. Never forget that.