My girlfriend and I have been together for seven years, and for about four of those years, we also worked at the same job.
She recently started a new job in events, and she loves it. She has made many new friends there, and they all get along well. They hang out and party together as a group.
The other day, she mentioned, kind of jokingly, that one of the guys at work told her, “I had a dream about you.” I didn’t think much of it then.
I know they chat at work and have gone to a few parties together, which I’m fine with. But recently, that same guy asked her if she wanted to grab a drink with him after work.
She told me about it and asked if I was okay with her going. I said I’d prefer she didn’t, since it might give off the wrong impression. I suggested they catch up over coffee instead of drinks at a bar.
Was that overstepping?
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no, i think you did the right thing. you seem very chill and trusting, and i think just letting her know what would make you comfortable is the right thing to do
Not overstepping. She asked and you gave an appropriate answer. How did she respond?
Sounds to me like your girlfriend is thoughtful, caring, and considerate and respects you.
What she was asking for was what your boundaries were… she sought clarity, certainty… and your response — catch up over coffee instead of drinks at a bar – was a textbook example of perfection, in my opinion.
You both are quite lucky to have found one another. Congrats.
(For reference I am a mid-60s father to two adult and independent kids of my own.)
She knows 7 years in she isn’t getting a ring and is trying to find her husband now, lol
You did the right thing. This man is definitely flirting with your GF.
>”I had a dream about you”
is 100% a pick up line. And he will talk about that dream with your girl. Coincidentally that dream doesn’t include you in any way.
Sounds like someone got her attention man. Be careful.
Testing your boundaries. Don’t be surprised if she falls for this guy and dumps you. She is obviously enjoying the attention and is not concerned about your feelings. She could be trying to make you jealous and might be testing your relationship. She also might be getting off from mild humiliation. It depends on your personality, but, I wouldn’t stand for it. He has already told her he wants her and she hasn’t backed off.
There’s a reason most affairs start at work. You are together all day, sharing the ups and downs of the job. If you get together outside of work, that’s when stuff starts to blur. It’s literally how every affair story starts.
The interesting part here is that she asked you. Why? Did she not know what you would say? “Sure babe, go on a sate with this guy that is having wet dreams about you!” Is she testing the waters, seeing how far you would let her take this?
I think the best situation is her telling you she got asked out and her telling him it was inappropriate. You are now dealing with less-than-best, and this guy apparently thinks he still has a shot. Thus, kids, we are not at the end tof the story quite yet…
UpdateMe!
hell no.
She a ho bro
Ask her why she wants to go out on a date with another guy. That’s what it is in case she’s still pretending otherwise. This guy is clearly into her (even having dreams!) and fishing… and apparently she’s maybe thinking of biting? Make it clear how you view this and then let her show you how much she values that and act accordingly from there. This isn’t a professional networking thing and we all know it. She knows it. He knows it. The fkn dog knows it. Good luck OP. Keep us posted.
Time to break up.
7 years a girlfriend, she’s looking for someone to marry her!
It is not overstepping to protect your relationship. Get drinks together one on one sounds like a date to me
Maybe after 7 yrs she’s trying to see if you are still into her, looking for some minor jealousy as reassurance? Or trying to hint that it’s time to put a ring on it or she’ll be moving on.
She wants to go on a date. With someone she’s sharing new relationship energy with. Seems like she’s moving on.
Talk to her about it in that context.
There’s a confusion regarding what’s acceptable and what’s not acceptable in scenarios like this. So let me be clear, so you never have to ask anyone what they think moving forward on stuff like this. In a relationship with a woman you can’t “tell her what to do,” but you can make it clear what you won’t tolerate in a relationship. If she feels you are stifling her or being “controlling” then that’s your sign that it’s time for you to move on to someone else. Your partner is trying to do something that you’re not comfortable with, you’ve set your boundaries. Setting boundaries are healthy and normal, it means you don’t let someone walk all over you.
If she’s contemplating drinks with this guy, she’s already catching feelings. Ask her the same. U going for drinks with a female coworker and see how she likes it. Either way, even her in asking is disrespectful because she would definitely not like it if u flipped the script. Draw that line in the sand or you’ve wasted 7 years of your life.
Bro you handled this like a pro. A masterclass in reasonable alternatives. Most of us would have freaked out. Green flag big time. But to be honest I don’t trust this bloke at all
Hi it’s me the other guy I am banging your girlfriend lmao
Man know when to hold and know when to fold. It sounds like shes being folded already.
It’s just her and the other guy going. I am a guy, and I do have a girlfriend. Even if she thinks it’s platonic, you know he isn’t. I’m wouldn’t be okay with this at all. I also don’t believe she doesn’t like him to some extent. If she’s feeding that then she’s not respecting the relationship or you.
You need to have the conversation of how much she likes this dude and why she’s entertaining him. If she ends up going, you need to have some self-respect and break up with her.
Don’t waste more time with someone doing this stuff. I think you deserve better, and if you do break up with her, you’ll wonder why the hell you were putting up with her.
Your position is logical and it only follows it going out repeatedly drinking with a dude you get along with could certainly head in the wrong direction if she pursue that. Frankly that shouldn’t need a lot of extrapolation
You should have said, would this drink be before or after this guy bends you over the railing?
Seven year itch…new job and maybe a new man. Be honest!
He’ll no
7 years unmarried. You guys are finished lol.
She’s tired of the situation. Marry her or leave her. She’s shown you that she still got it.
He asked her out on a date, and she knows that’s what he meant.
She wants to go on a date with him.
You said it was OK to be on a coffee date.
Red flags here, but her response will be interesting. If she wants to go out with him she will find a way.
If she goes to a bar with him anyway , either openly or hides it then drop her.
She is an autonomous adult who can do as she pleases.
“Is it okay if I go on a date with this guy who’s been dreaming about me?” No part of that sounds good. The fact that she’s seriously entertaining it is pretty damning
She’s asking your permission to fuck this guy. We can’t tell you how to answer that.
She is still your girlfriend after seven years? You might lose her to her husband.
Overstepping?? Bro you’re not stepping enough. IMO of course. That would be a fat ass no!
Dude, you’re done. She’s already or planning to be in bed with him. Sorry…
She’s been asked out on a date before this guy and wants your permission to go. She needs to respect boundaries. Updateme
Let her. Make sure her stuff is outside and door locks are changed when she comes home
Just tell her you have plans with people and that will work out perfectly
She’s asking for your permission to cheat. Even asking this is well over the line. Ask her what she wants to do. If she decides to go for the date, break up with her.
Yo why is everyone in the comments obsessed with wether or not you’re married that’s kinda weird
Dude you are under stepping.
Dude sounds like he wants your girl. Seems a bit inappropriate to ask a woman in a relationship for drinks or whatever.
I would expect her to have enough respect for the relationship to shut down this..whatever this is.
When a girl isnt interested in a guy, women know how to shut the guy down so he knows not to waste his time.
You wild for suggesting a coffee catch up. Why do they need to catch up?
Edit: just saw the 7 years as a girlfriend. You about to lose her. Dude will 99.9% say “together for 7 years and no ring? Why so?” That will be the nidus for him to enter your relationship
It’s over.
Stop talking to her and End the relationship, the sooner you do that the better off you’ll be.
Just drop her ! Doesn’t matter if you are together with her from 7 years, she is now looking to do new things , like go to bars with her new guy friend….. there is no friendship btw men and women, this is the truth!
Not overstepping. There’s no reason anyone with a partner should be having drinks with another person. He should know that she has a BF. She could suggest that everyone goes out to a bar together, including you. That would be ok.
But why is she even asking you? She should have shut this down immediately.
The fact she even entertained his request is asinine, you’re being way too chill about this lol
Bro. If you dont like it that means its wrong. Tell her it wont work if she doesnt comply, or walk away.
Yup! Either you trust her or you don’t.
Oh no
My guy they are already messing around and she is trying to let you down gently.
At the end of the day, she’s asking to go on a date with this guy.
No guy is asking a woman to go for a drink to be platonic friends.
You reacted perfectly. The fact that she asked you first is possibly a good sign. She was either wanting to be completely honest or seeing if it would make you jealous.
Did she go anyhow, go for coffee or tell
Him no?
Disgusting. 🤢 talk to her.
You either trust her or you don’t.
Does he know that she has a boyfriend? I don’t like the idea of going out for drinks after work one on one because it resembles a date, especially if he’s into her and flirting with her. It absolutely sends the wrong message and he’s orbiting her for only one reason. I think you can guess what that is.
You wasted 7 years of her life. She is right to start dating again.
“I had a dream about you.” is something I have definitely said,more than thrice,to women I worked with I was crushing on.
Tell her she can go as long as you are invited too.
The fact that she wants to go out with another man without you is a huge red flag. You’re being way too chill about it in my opinion.
Why is your girl going on 1 on 1 dates with other men, regardless of coffee or drinks.
Anything that happens from here on out is your fault. The fact that she even WANTS to do that, is a huge red flag
event work…
do the events surround: tech, finance, auto/motorsport, sports in general, or any male dominated field where experts are required to coach/teach/explain?
is the clientele wealthy?
is she doing hospitality?
does she stay overnight at hotel near events for multi day contracts?
if the answer is yes to a few of these, the work vibe is likely similar to working at a cool resto or nightclub in the way the employees interact.
drugs, drinking and fucking is happening.
You giving her options to hang out with another guy is why she even considers it. My gf would never ask me that or wouldn’t let a conversation with another man get to that point. Why? Because she knows I don’t play that shit from the beginning and I specifically told her and let her know and she was okay with it. I even told her ima tell you now because I wouldn’t want you in the future to be like “oh babe you’re being insecure” or “why are you suddenly acting like this?” . It saves you a lot to just be straight up and let your girl know you not the type to be okay with that. You might be thinking it makes you not look insecure but when she tells another guy “my bf doesn’t care if I talk to guys or have guy friends “ you know what that other guy going to think ? The possibilities are endless because her mind has no limit
no
Nope, not overstepping at all. You didn’t forbid her or make accusations — you were honest about how it made you feel and offered a reasonable alternative. Grabbing “a drink” alone can carry a different vibe than coffee or lunch, and it’s completely normal to set that boundary in a long-term relationship. The fact that she asked how you felt about it is actually a really good sign — it shows she respects your input.
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She shouldn’t even be having coffee with him man
As someone going through a divorce because of what happened after trusting this almost same scenario. If she does not respect it and you are not invited as well. It is time to move on and or step up and sweep her off her feet.
Looks like she will not be your girl for long, unless you are into sharing.
She is telling you she wants to go on a date with this coworker who wants to fuck her.
You are not her 100% interest. She is at least entertaining the idea of this other guy, and likes the ego stroking he gives her. Maybe she is looking for your replacement, maybe she wants to keep you, but have more on the side, maybe she wants a three way…but she wants something besides just you.