TL;DR: My gf wants me to move in with her after a year and I am not sure If I am ready.
My gf and I met in college and graduated last month. We have been together for 2.5 years. I moved back home while I search for work (tech industry is fried rn) while she is working in our college town. She essentially set three ultimatums for our relationship as soon as we graduated: 1. I have to visit her once or twice a month (EASY), 2. When I get a job, I should ideally get one that is closer to her (EASY as it’s my dream city), 3. Move in with her after a year of employment and being on my own (NOT EASY). There is already a bit of tension because all the plans I had to see her in July were ruined by problems out of my control although I still went and visited for a day. There are a lot of uncertainties in my life with me being unemployed and whatnot but I feel like I am trying hard to do what I can to keep her happy.
I am really not interested, as of right now, in moving together so soon. We have been together for a good bit of time but I am very interested in having my own space as a full fledged adult and experiencing life in a new lens. I am also stressing to her that it is important this is a mutual decision and that I feel at least somewhat comfortable with it. I feel like if we jump into this and I am not comfortable with the decision, then we will grow apart and breakup. She is stressing that in order for us to stay together, this has to happen. I feel like she is not trying to understand why I might be hesitant about such a major life and relationship decision and is saying that we have different timelines and may not be compatible after all. It feels like she is trying to force me into saying yes to this decision and I am not going to budge on this even though I am pushing for compromises.
In my naive mind, I think that it is important for the both of us to be somewhat financially stable and stable in our careers. She does not agree with that. Further, she will be pursuing further schooling next year and that can be kinda volatile. I just wonder what she expects me to do while that is going on. Am I to uproot whatever career I’ve found at the time and go with her?
I also think we are way too young for this and that we have a lot of growing to do before we can truly share our lives with one another.
I really don’t know what to do or how to go about this. I feel like I am being reasonable about this but she does not want to see my POV or even compromise. I really love her and want to move in with her one day. Just don’t know if that is in a year
Comments
Not an easy things to do either way, you are entitled to your own space and of course she is entitled to how she feels. I would look into why she wants to move in and ask yourself if this is something you want or don’t want. I will say though, if she is adamant on this, and it’s not something you want, it may lead to the end of the relationship as a difference in priorities and life goals.