my (20f) girlfriend (21f) and i have been dating for a little over a year now and it has been an amazing relationship so far other than a few rough patches here and there. (she’s my first REAL girlfriend and i love her so much). we were actually doing exceptionally good the week leading up to her leaving to go visit her family (i dropped her off at the airport and we kissed goodbye and everything) which is why i’m very confused about the way she’s acting now. ever since she left a week ago, she’s barely texted or acknowledged me and hasn’t initiated texting hardly at all. i’ve texted her multiple times throughout the week asking about her day and she’s responded with very short and dry messages, usually taking hours to respond. when i try to ask for more detail about what she’s doing with her family, she seems almost annoyed with me. today i decided i wasn’t going to text her first and just give her space and she ended up not texting me until 6pm tonight and when she did, she just sent me the link to harry styles’ website because he released a vbator line. we joked for a bit back and forth and i texted her “i miss you” just for her to not respond for another 2 hours before sending an “i miss you” back with no other message. i couldn’t take it anymore at this point and i asked her if she’s upset with me and she responded dryly with “no, i just haven’t been on my phone much”
i genuinely don’t know if i should try to pry more or just keep giving her space until she gets back. as i briefly stated earlier, we’ve been dating for over a year and she’s taken other trips to visit her family during our relationship (for christmas and spring break) and she still communicated with me throughout her trip. i don’t know why it’s different this time. i’m really worried she’s using this time apart to distance herself from me so she can break up with me when she gets back. or she’s decided she wants to move back home and doesn’t know how to tell me yet.
honestly, there’s a million scenarios going through my head right now and i’m feeling pretty upset and discarded.
tl;dr:
my girlfriend and i have been dating for over a year and in that time she has taken a few trips to visit her family (we go to college together in TN but she’s from PA) but this time she has become super dry over text and hasn’t been initiating contact hardly at all. she’s even been almost annoyed by me asking questions about her day and what she’s doing with her family. all things that are very unlike her. i finally asked her if she’s upset with me tonight and she brushed me off saying “no, i just haven’t been on my phone much”. i don’t know if i should try to pry more or just give her space until she gets back.
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You sound exhausting, she’s with her family and is concentrating on spending quality time with them as she should
If she’s gonna break up with you, she’s gonna do that no matter what you do. You can either assume she’s lying or take her at face value and do your best to keep yourself distracted until she comes back.
hey, so first of all, i feel you, it’s a gut wrenching feeling. you should definitely initiate a call or let her know you don’t like the way she’s behaving. any healthy relationship consists of a good communication. if she won’t want to tell you or is gonna act weird about it, wait till she comes back home and talk to her face to face about it. your feelings are valid and your partner shouldn’t make you feel this way, she probably knows you’re worried and does nothing about it, that’s a bit of a redflag. especially when she’s away, if she misses you why don’t she text you during the day.. at least one confronting message that she thinks about you 😕
i went to another country for summer work and unless i’m working/my boyfriend is working, we always find time to text each other, watch a series through a screen share or play games during free time. you can try and ask her if she wants to do that – that you simply want to spend some quality long distance time with her. see what her reaction will be. i just kind of can’t believe she can’t find time to text you during the day. good luck and i’ll be happy if you give us an uptade ! 🙂 (and sorry for the long rant)
Your feelings are totally valid. Recognizing a change in behavior doesn’t make you needy or overbearing. Remember that healthy communication seeks to understand, not blame. Making assumptions about her behavior won’t do either of you any favors. When she gets back, sit down with her and have a conversation about your feelings. Don’t tell her that she did something wrong, but rather express how you feel. You missed her, missed talking to her, and was hoping you’d have more communication while she was away. Ask her how she prefers to communicate while on vacation, and see if the two of you can come to an understanding where both your needs are met. Hopefully you can have a constructive conversation where you both feel heard and understood, and hopefully she can meet you in the middle and agree to more communication and affection next time she’s out of town. Good luck!
I’d say give her space to work through whatever she’s working through. Maybe she comes back and is back to normal and it was just something was taking her focus back home. If she needs to move back, that’s for her to figure out. I understand it’s challenging to not know, but if she normally communicates well but isn’t right now, something is up but she doesn’t want to get into it right now.