For context I(19M) and my girl(20F) have been dating for 4 years. We met in high school and have a pretty strong relationship. She moved to my school during her sophomore year (my freshman year) from another state and had a friend group with multiple people back home. However, this friend group is made up entirely of multiple different guys whom I know nothing about. The only thing I know anything about is 3 of the 8-9 friends. 2 of her friends are chill but the other one of them had a huge crush on her (asked her out multiple times) and they had a little thing going on between them for a few weeks. Although she’s told me that they both talked about it before and will never do anything like that again, it still has me a bit off about him and her. Every week or 2 she spends an entire day or weekend playing Xbox with them all night and day. I typically don’t have any problems with this, as it’s all online and I’ve played a few games with two of her friends before. I just don’t exactly feel the most comfort when we are on the phone and I hear her laughing really hard while on the game and telling another dude how funny he is yk?
Fast forward to now and she is on a trip heading back home. I’m happy that’s she’s going back to see family and everything, but she’s planning an entire day with her friend group. Without telling me until last minute. They plan to go hike super early in the morning and then plan to pick her up to head far away from where’s she’s staying with her family. This makes me feel (I think reasonably) uncomfortable because I’ve never met or even seen these guys before. Not only that but the guy who had a crush on her is going to be there. And even though I’ve never met these dudes before, now they are picking up my girlfriend early in the morning and taking her out to hike in the woods. It all just makes me feel uneasy. I’m positive that she wouldn’t directly cheat, but it’s honestly the microcheating/secretly having a crush on that dude or anyone else in her friend group that is still messing with my head. I’ve talked to her about my uncomfortability with her multiple guy friends but it’s just the “they haven’t done anything” or “I’ve known them before you”. I just think that since it’s been so long since they have seen each other, that maybe when she sees them or when they see her, they might find each other attractive and flirt the whole trip. Not sure really what to do.
TL;DR: GF of 4 years that moved from a different state is going back to that state to visit. She has a huge friend group with 9 guy friends and plans to hang out with them. They are going to pick her up to go hiking super early in the morning all day even though one her friends had a huge crush on her. I’m uncomfortable with it all.
Comments
1.) She’s allowed to have male friends
2.) You need to trust or break up
3.) Her hanging out with a guy who is constantly pushing boundaries is a red flag. If they had a “thing” that is a deal breaker. I think you break up with her
I saw you posted this yesterday but didn’t really know how to respond. You have a right to feel the way you do and while I don’t think its super normal for guys and girls to stay friends without still having the sexual tension I do think you need to trust her and let her live your life. She’s given you no reason not to trust her, you’ve been in a long relationship and seem to have a strong thing going on. I think this is probably more of a you problem, she has a good vibe with her old friends and doesn’t want to lose that. It would be cool if she slowly got you into that group but sometimes it doesn’t work that way.
This is 100% micro cheating and it’s weird that she doesn’t think to care about your feelings and how uncomfortable you can get. The whole going to the woods with men you don’t even know is insane I see why she told you last minute, she for sure knows it’s “wrong” too. As a girl I would never hang out with guys overnight or go on trips like that if I had a bf, it’s disrespectful. It’s worse that she just makes up excuses when you’re brought it up