Today is our anniversary I’m (25m) and she is (21f) it was our first anniversary and we have been dating for 1 year.
Almost at the start we started living together and probably right now we live together for around 8/9 months. The things are good I feel perfect with her she claims she feels the same way. She started talking about marriage few months ago and she thought a few times that I would propose to her but I didn’t, because I feel it’s too early for me. She felt bad about it and we started arguing that happens few times than she gives me chances but I feel that maybe I’ll lose her because of this.I always felt that I should get married after 2/3 years of a relationship so we go over the honeymoon period.
Also I’m maybe stressed because my parents are divorced and it was not good in a few words. I’m scared not to lose her because she is awesome and she is really the best for me the only thing is that she is pushing me to do it and I feel pressured. Sometimes I’m like, should I man up, should I propose but then I give up on the idea.
My question is what should I do in this type of situation or more like did somebody had similar experience to mine, appreciate it and sorry for the bad English.
My Gf wants to marry but I’m not ready
r/Advice
Comments
True love waits, but it won’t wait forever. You bring up some really valid points about why you want to wait until you’ve been together for longer before proposing.
What does your girlfriend say when you explain you’re not ready yet and want to give it another a year or 2 before you decide?
If she truly loves you, she’ll wait another year at least. If you lose her over this, I don’t know that she meant to be yours forever.
You’ve told us how old you are, but what’s happening in your lives? Are either of you in school? Are you working? What are your plans for children? How much money are you bringing in?
I got married after dating a year, BUT I was almost 30, and my now-husband and I were employed and stable in our lives. At 21, I was farrrrr from stable. I was still an undergrad with no clue what career I would end up in. Even at 25, I was just starting my first job in my field.
You don’t need to “man up.” There’s nothing wrong with waiting longer. Consider all aspects!
She’s only 21!
Getting married is a binding agreement and should be taken very seriously. I think that if you are not sure about it you should not until you feel ready and the idea of it makes you feel happy and excited. I find it that if I force myself to do something, it usually makes me feel upset or resentful. Have a conversation with them about it, where there is love there is understanding.
I would wait awhile. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. I was young when I married and I wasn’t ready for it and all kinds of issues came about. Do it when it feels right
If it feels too early for you then it’s too early for you. I wouldn’t suggest thrusting yourself into a marriage you aren’t sure you want at this time just because others expect of you.
If she’s the right one, she will be patient.
Tell her it is too soon for you.
If you are not ready then definitely don’t get pushed into it. You have told her how you feel. She need to respect your boundary. If she can’t then it’s not the right relationship. What is the hurry? Make sure to use birth control if she is set on getting married.
Never marry if you’re not ready. Have a honest conversation with her and tell her how you feel. It’s only been a year and at your age, there’s plenty of time to really get to know each other. If she keeps pressuring you, then she definitely is not the one for you.
Have you asked her why exactly she wants to get married?
My husband and I were 22-23 when we were talking about marriage, but didn’t get married until we were 23-24. We were together since 14-15. I think it’s important to remember where you are in life, and whether you are able to address problems together in a healthy way. At 21-25 you are still in the midst of education or situating your careers. You are still establishing yourself financially to even be able to afford a wedding, start a family, etc.
For my husband, he graduated college and worked at his job for about a year before we got married. His concern really was finances and the meaning marriage holds. After consulting with a few people who have healthy perspectives of marriage is when he realized he was ready. He has admitted that he still was pretty nervous preparing for the wedding and being married for the first year, but he realized that it was pretty much us just being what we had always been the last 10 years before deciding to get married.
Idk if you already have, but I would suggest you to think what marriage means to you and speak to people who have healthy perspectives of marriage first. The second part is important because they will give you almost unbiased advice about marriage. Make some of those points that they give you kinda act like a timeline/guideline to help you gauge if you are ready for marriage. I do agree that 1 year is kinda fast, and your gf is 21, so she may not completely see what marriage is just yet. But it would be a good idea to sit down and talk about marriage seriously with her after the options I had suggested above and see if she’s willing to wait just a little. If she isn’t willing to wait, then it may be time to let her go and do her own thing. Good luck!
This is way too soon, and you’re both young. If you’re not ready, then don’t do it. Also, be careful you don’t get baby trapped. Wear a hat!
Getting engaged isn’t marriage yet.
No way, I would strongly advise you not to. Divorce really sucks as you know. Keep the communication going and watch how she behaves
You’re right you should be engaged or together for two or three years before you even think about marriage.Shes too young and immature you have to make the right decision for the both of you.
You have no obligation to “man up” when it comes to choosing a long term relationship. You are both quite young, especially her. Given your respective ages AND having only been in a relationship less than a year, AND cohabitating almost immediately produces a lot of yellow flags. You are right to move slowly on this. Don’t be pressured. At the same time, you may wish to have a heart to heart conversation about what needs to be in place relationally before you’re comfortable committing. This way, she knows your seriously considering your future with her.
Imo, this is exactly the conversation you need to have with her. Understand that her needs may be different. However, you shouldn’t have to be talked into something you’re not ready for. She shouldn’t want that either. Good luck! If she’s your person, she’ll understand. If not, you’re better off knowing now.
I’m only getting married after 18 years together because we’re buying a house
I wouldn’t have married at 21 unless maybe I wanted a baby early? Which I did but I still probably wouldn’t have gotten married
Man up and tell her that you’re not ready. I agree with the others, if she’s pressuring you to propose and concerned she might break up over giving you more time, then let her go. You will regret it if you cave.
Condoms, OP. Condoms.
Discuss time lines and expectations that both of you have
It takes yearS to get to know someone. And you’re both so young. What’s the rush?
Where is her desire to get married coming from? Is it the norm in her social group/family? Is she finished school and in a well paying stable job and this is the “next step” for her? Or is she bored and looking for something to fill her life with meaning?
Yall are moving fast. Already moved in at less than a year…
Use condoms. Don’t be trapped into doing anything you don’t want to.
Please don’t let anyone force you into a marriage if you’re not ready. If she loves you, she’ll wait.
A year is not a long time, and 21 is young. People change so much in early adulthood.
I think you should wait. Personal growth and change accelerate the most in your early 20s. What you think you want today will be completely different 5-10 years from now.
Another factor to consider is that the divorce rate for ppl that marry under 25 is 60%. This rate decreases for couples that wait until they are more established and have a better sense of their personal identity and long-term goals.
Finally, there’s the ‘why’. Deeply consider if you’re choosing to get married for the right reasons, moving past romanticized fairytale expectations, and focusing on what a lifelong partnership truly entails.
Explain to her that although you have been dating a year, she is really young. I
Hate to say it but what you think you want when you are in your early 20’s, you sometimes outgrown.
Your 20’s are for you to date, get a good education, job, live on your own, travel, have fun & learn about yourself. Her Mr Right might just be her Mr Right now.
I got married at 20. (dumb idea) divorced 1.5yrs later. Married again 24 & stayed married for 20 years. I had a college degree at 22 & I wish I had not rushed my life to get married. I would have done all those things first. Get married closer 30. Always use birth control. Men too. Enjoy your 20’s free. You have the rest of your lives to be married. One thing I’m glad I did was wait until I was 30 to have kids. Once they are here you can’t send them back. Remember that you are in charge of your own destiny. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t talk yourself into it. 🍀
She’s 21 🤦♀️and she’s rushing things 🚩🚩🚩don’t let her baby trap you !
I understand her point of view and I understand yours as well.
Since you are living together …how do you think marriage would change day to day life?
I’m not advocating either way …I’m 59.5 and married 42 years …yeah… that’s some ugly math!