My girlfriend “18F” gives more time and attention to her male than she gives me “18M” and Im tired of it. If I tell her about it she tells me that Im insecure and might even want to break up. Is this healthy/normal? What do I even do?

r/

When I text my girlfriend of two years I always try to respond as quickly as I can. I always ask her questions because I love talking to her and I love her company and I love knowing how shes doing and what shes doing throughout the day, but i feel like she doesnt feel that way. She would sometimes be so dry, she never really talks to me she kinda just replies. She would leave during conversations to go watch instagram reels for like 20-40 minutes and would come back saying she got distracted, etc. And I just feel like she doesnt really like talking to me.

But on the other hand, when she texts her guy friend, thats all she does. She would text him back and forth and wont respond to any of my messages until theyre done talking.

And when I asked if I can have her full attention she said I was being controlling and insecure. She also said that she has given me enough attention, and got even more offended.

The last time we had a conversation like this she wanted to break up with me . I said that I should be more important and more of a priority than her friends since im her boyfriend, and she responding by saying im insecure and said that we might need to break up.

Please help

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

    Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:

    • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

    • We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.

    • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

    • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

    • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

    • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.

    • Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.

    • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

    If you have any questions, please message the mods


    This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.


    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

  2. TermAggravating8043 Avatar

    Dude, gonna be honest, you sound really clingy.

    Have you tried ever giving her space for any length of time snd let her come to you?

  3. Comfortable-Dark90 Avatar

    Your feelings are valid, and it’s normal to react like that. You need to question where you stand in that relationship. If her guy friends take more attention and enthusiasm in communication, I would question whether leaving might be a better option since she won’t listen.

  4. -Johnny_5_is_Alive- Avatar

    Brother, you sound exhausting. It looks like you are smothering your girlfriend and your not getting the hint. I wouldn’t be surprised if you got replaced by her guy friend. Tone it down some of you want to try and salvage this relationship but just to warn you it might be too late.

  5. AnotherDominion Avatar

    You should break up with her. respect yourself.

  6. DaisyMacD Avatar

    Couple of things my friend:

    1. You need to find your self worth, not in your relationship partner, but in yourself. That’s a big one. When that happens, you are free to really live in a healthy way and know for sure if these issues come from insecurity or poor treatment.

    2. One day, someone will look at you like you hung the moon. This girl is not her. I ended a relationship at 20 yo bc I saw that as sweet and kind and he was to me, he did not love me like I loved him. He needed to find that love and I was heartbroken. She needs to find that love (maybe it’s this guy friend, idk) but you will find someone who loves you beyond measure if you are free to do so. (Trust me, I did)

    Don’t settle for half-love. Love you and go find what life has for you.

  7. dLimit1763 Avatar

    Sounds like the girl you like has a bf and its not you

  8. -Johnny_5_is_Alive- Avatar

    Just go reread your first paragraph. Now act like you didn’t write that and someone else did. What advice would you give them? Also if you can’t reread that first paragraph and see an issue, there and lies your problem and I can’t help you. Good luck

  9. justahappyguy22 Avatar

    You do sound a bit clingy, and that can be off putting to some. However, her leaving in the middle of conversations with you but giving her full attention to her friend is not respectful towards you and leads me to believe that something is up. A red flag if you will. If I were in your shoes, I would leave her and find someone who actually wants to talk to me and who puts me first. Even if she is only friends with this guy, she is not acting nice towards you. Maybe it is just a mismatch between your personalities, either way this does not sound like a healthy relationship at all.

  10. hum4n_p3r50n Avatar

    I don’t really understand the clingy responses I’ve seen in the comments and I think they’re dumb as hell. He didn’t say he texts her 24/7 just that he responds quickly. There’s nothing wrong with that and in my opinion it’s the healthy and respectful thing to do especially in an established relationship.

    If she just didn’t reply quickly in general and you were complaining I would say you’re being a little pedantic. However, the fact that she responds quickly to her friends and other guys is definitely a red flag. It shows some pretty clear disrespect for you and the relationship.

    From what I’ve read here you aren’t being insecure. She’s just being rude and it’s certainly not healthy or normal behavior for someone in a relationship that’s lasted two years. If she says she wants to break up with you I honestly say let her. If she really wanted to she would’ve done it in the last argument you mentioned. The fact that she didn’t tells me she likes manipulating you so she’s keeping you around for a little longer. You’re really young and she definitely doesn’t sound like she’s the one. As much as it’ll hurt you’ll be happier without her in your life.

  11. TPGStorm Avatar

    Something I had to learn was love is supposed to be easy in a sense. obviously it’s going to take work and sacrifice but that’s for the intricacies of lasting relationship. being this young and in this stage of the relationship, damn near everything should feel equally reciprocal. she should be just as interested to talk to you as you are to her and she’s not. i’m not saying she doesn’t like you, although it honestly doesn’t really sound like she does, but she for sure doesn’t like you as much as you like her.

    i can only use myself as an example and growing up i used to have girls flake on dates or say i was trying to move to fast just for wanting to see each other in person while still claiming to be interested, and it wasn’t until i got girl friends that i realized they move mountains to get the guys they like to act exactly how i was, and made me realize if basic communication and dating practices is “too much” you don’t like me like that and we’re both wasting our time.

  12. PrettyReckle33 Avatar

    It sounds like you are too available to her and that she is interested in her “friend” romantically.

    End the relationship and find someone that wants to reciprocate your energy. I’m 34 and found the man that reciprocates mine, so it’s possible, but you have to know your worth and know what you want and need from a relationship.

  13. desperate108 Avatar

    Let her go. I would tell her “you seem to enjoy your friend more. He should be your boyfriend then.”

  14. Acceptable-Noise2294 Avatar

    I can’t believe half of these comments. She doesn’t sound like she likes you if she’s talking to another dude more than you. You are 18, move on

  15. Pleasant-Estate1632 Avatar

    Honestly got are both young, she probably gets attention from other guys and likes that. You are the safe bet.

    I would just break up. This will mature both of you, find some level of reciprocation in life

  16. Lunariina Avatar

    Tbh, even if you are high maintenance/have high needs, your needs aren’t being met in the relationship and it doesn’t sound like she is communicating/open to discussing it. It just sounds like she’s brushing you off. It’s a hard situation to be in.

    Maybe you should work on depending on her less, creating more of your own life as relationships are supposed to be an extension of your life, not a lifeline. Regardless, if she is able to give that kind of attention to a friend easily but refuses to prioritise you, maybe she is not as invested in the relationship and you need to figure out if the relationship actually benefits the both of you.

  17. Cosmic-Princesa Avatar

    Stand up for yourself. She is not interested.
    Either talk to her about it or move on! You’re still so so young. You have so much potential in life, you do NOT have to feel this way.

  18. Own-Writing-3687 Avatar

    Always judge people by their actions not their excuses or promises. 

    She’s not head over heels for you.