I (21M) have been dating my girlfriend (22F) for a while now. Recently, her relationship with one of her male friends (22M) has been making me uncomfortable, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my concerns are valid.
The first time I met him was at a party. I didn’t even know he was coming, and when he showed up, my girlfriend’s behavior toward me completely changed. Normally she’s affectionate, but around him she was cold and distant. She kept going off with him, claiming they were just going to the bar, but when I waited there for a while I didn’t see them. Later I saw her dancing with him and staring into his eyes.
A month later, she went to a music festival with him and some other friends. She told me she’d be sharing a tent with her girlfriends. I couldn’t go for the first couple of days because of work, but I joined on the last day. That’s when I found out—by accident from his friends—that she had actually been sharing a tent with him alone.
When I confronted her, she said I was being “toxic” and that he’s just her friend. But the whole situation feels really disrespectful and like she’s hiding things.
I don’t want to be controlling, but this has shaken my trust. How do I bring this up without being accused of being insecure or toxic? Is this the kind of boundary issue that’s a dealbreaker, or is there a better way to handle it?
TL;DR
My (21M) girlfriend (22F) acts cold toward me whenever her male friend (22M) is around. She’s lied about sleeping in a tent with him at a festival (said it was with her girlfriends). When I confronted her, she called me toxic. I feel disrespected and don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this is a dealbreaker.
Comments
She told you she’d share a tent with her girlfriends because she knows it’s wrong. She’s just gaslighting you to downplay it. “A while” is not near long enough to deal with this bullshit. You deserve someone better
>She kept going off with him, claiming they were just going to the bar, but when I waited there for a while I didn’t see them. Later I saw her dancing with him and staring into his eyes.
So you made a grave mistake and continued the relationship after this, and just as expected they took it further and most likely fucked in the tent. She even did it on a trip where you would be arriving later to be the laughing stock as everyone knew what she did before you came.
I don’t want to be mean but it in insane of you to continue the relationship after this. You owe her nothing so you should end it and ditch her completely. Do it for your future self bro. This is about self respect.
Trust is a big deal in any relationship and lying about something like this is serious. You have every right to feel disrespected and to set boundaries about honesty and transparency.
Time to let her go, move on and find someone who respects you. She doesn’t. She and her “friend” can go and do whatever far, far away from you.