I 26M really do care about my gf (24F) and I just want her to know that I do. I have been living in this house by myself for a year and she has spent every weekend of the past year here with me and we have had zero problems.
The problems started after we moved in. I helped her A LOT with moving out of her apartment, basically handling everything but her clothes and I did help her with sorting through those and loading them into the car. She did acknowledge that I was a really big help.
We moved a lot of stuff in and it’s taken some time to get everything organized and I have been out of work for over a month but am starting a new job Monday. She’s under the impression that I just sit on the couch and do nothing all day when I actually did not sit down because I was doing so much. I did her laundry, hand washed her water bottles, went grocery shopping, cleaned up, and tried to mount the TV in our kitchen (took me a while) but ultimately was missing one important piece. The fundamental problem is that she is very fast paced and detail oriented and I am very easily distracted and sometimes it takes me a while to do things partially due to my severe ADHD.
She is in med school so she’s exhausted at the end of every day and is upset and angry that things are not where she expects them to be but I really am trying. We have been together for 4.5 years now and this is the first major problem.
Is it common to have these situations when a couple moves in together? Also how is the best way to show her that I care and understand and am committed to making this work because I love her.
TL;DR
GF (24F) moved into my (26M) house and is upset at how much I have contributed to settling is in while she has been at school all week. I love her and want this to work and am genuinely trying to be better for us but this is a huge adjustment for us both. Is first week jitters and cold feet common in these situations?
Comments
Unfortunately yes these sorts of issues are not uncommon – its like in one fell swoop she’s seen that actually you two have different ways of doing things.
You’ve been a bit coy and haven’t stated what she expects you to do – you’ve listed a few chores but they don’t really cover several days of her coming home upset – do you think her expectations are reasonable or no?
Has she told you what she actually expects from you?
It’s completely normal to have problems when you first move in together. You’re adjusting to a new blended life and, unlike with roommates, you’re doing so with the potential forever as your future.
She needs to get her expectations to a reasonable level. Hopefully she will have a major attitude shift when you start work and she can no longer make assumptions about your day. She shouldn’t feel entitled to your time and energy anyway, but how she reacts once you are working full-time will be much more telling.
Your girlfriend is being ungrateful and has unreasonable expectations.
Are you her slave or her partner?
Its not your job to clean and pack her belongings away.
You’ve done more than most would.
She’s projecting her problems with her job on to you.
Ask her – are you upset that I didn’t organise your things faster? Or are you resenting the fact youre always exhausted by your job, whilst I get to rest more?