I live with my girlfriend and she has plans to stay at her friends house on Saturday. Because of this I’d planned a nice relaxing evening. I planned to order food, have a few drinks, play video games and catch up on tv.
Last night my girlfriend said she can no longer stay at her friends so she’s invited her friend over ours for the night instead and asked if I minded leaving the apartment for most of the night and said her friend will be staying on the sofa.
I asked why she’d done that when she knew I had plans to relax on Saturday. I said she’d have to go somewhere else to see her friend because it’s not right to unilaterally invite people back and expect me to just deal with it and change my plans.
I mentioned that when it comes to having people over, it’s only fair for both of us to agree. She said that’s not fair and it’s not like she’s asking for much.
I said I’m not asking for much either by not wanting unwanted gusts in the home and asking her to go somewhere else to see her friend.
She said she’s already told her friend she can come over so I just said she’ll have to let her know now that she can’t and that they’ll have to do something else because I’m looking forward to my relaxing evening that I’ve planned.
She thinks I’m being unreasonable and said it’s her right to have her friends over sometimes, but I told her that any guests should be something we both agree on. I wouldn’t make plans to bring people back here without checking in with her, and I don’t think she should either.
How would you handle this?
Tl;dr my girlfriend expects me to cancel my plans because she decided to invite her friend over for the night. When I refused she said I wasn’t being reasonable.
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Let her have her way. It’s only one night
Does your girlfriend even like you? This is beyond entitled. I’d handle it exactly the way you did. “No, I already have plans to use the space I pay for. I told you ahead of time what those plans are. I will not be leaving my space and I’m going to have to really think about how I feel about you pushing this boundary because it’s not ok and I think of you differently now.”
If she doesn’t call her friend and cut the crap right now this would be a big blow up for me.
The fact that she’s comfortable changing plans like this without communicating with you indicates that she either has communication issues, does not respect your free time, is a people-pleaser who will sacrifice your wellbeing to please people, or something serious has happened and she needs the space.
You haven’t really given enough information to assess what the situation is. I notice that you said that you asked why she changed plans without telling you, but you didn’t tell us what her response was?
If it were me personally, I would let it slide one time and then have a conversation about communication going forwards or get to the root issue with expectations and what is needed in a relationship.
Ultimately though if someone doesn’t care about your comfort you can’t really convince them to suddenly care.
Tell her to stay.in the kitchen with her friend and her friend can sleep on the couch when you hit the sack later.
You can probably compromise here – your girlfriend and her friend can stay in the kitchen while you stay in the living room, or you can go to the bedroom while they hang out on the sofa. It doesn’t seem like you should have to vacate the house entirely, but it’s also not really fair of you to dictate whether your girlfriend can have visitors or not. It’s her home as well as yours.
Good relationships require communication, the right thing to do was to run it by you first to see if was ok to change the plans. She didn’t do that and took it upon herself to assume she can literally kick you out for awhile. You have every right to how you feel.
She didn’t even consult you. No “let me check with my partner first.” You had plans, she knew you had these plans, her plan fell through, so now she thinks her new plans take priority over yours.
She and her friend should go elsewhere or go into a different room.
You were literally doing nothing. My wife and I wouldn’t dream of stopping the other having a friend over if the other was just watching tv.