I am totally head over heels for my lady and It’s obvious she feels the same way. 3 years in and the love has not even faded a little bit. It has only grown stronger. I know 3 years may be few compared to some relationships but for me it’s been the best 3 years of my life no competition. We balance each other so well. We argue all the time about stupid shit but always cuddle and love each other at the end of the day. I think about her all the time and we have both become pretty dependent on one another, doing almost everything together whenever we can. The reason I’m asking for advice here is to question is co-dependency really that bad ? Why is it something people always look upon with disdain. Yes maybe some prior friendships diminish because of it but so what if you gain a new best friend at the same time ? Should I really try to make sure we are both independent or should I just keeping loving her the way that I am because it feels so damn good. I would like some advice to ensure our relationship lasts until the day we both die. Anyone with experience in a very long term relationship please give me some advice ! Thank you
My girlfriend and I are very obsessed with each other
r/Advice
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thats great, but from experience a little bit of distance can also work so you guys wont get tired of each other!
My grandparents are in their nineties and have been married close to 70 years. My grandpaw has to put her bra on in the morning because she can’t reach behind her back.
I think a younger generation might call that codependency, but maybe that’s what a real partnership looks like.
“Codependency” is different than being in love this way.
You sound like you are digging each other and life.
“I think about her all the time and we have both become pretty dependent on one another, doing almost everything together whenever we can.”
An issue that could come up is with children. They completely change the dynamic since now there’s a new person in your life that requires a lot of time and attention. If you’re so co-dependent it could cause jealousy when she doesn’t have as much time (let’s be honesty, women still do more even when men are trying to do their part).
Your love for your partner is so evident in this post I have no doubt you’ll grow old together
F44 here who’s been in 20 yr marriage then divorce- please do keep that honeymoon phase going 👍
Just always remember that if she’s the one you got a long road ahead of you but my wife’s parents just celebrated there 45th anniversary and me and my wife have been together 20 years you though we’ve only been married for three and she is the most important thing in my world I love her and with all my heart and soul I also fight with her and she drives me freaking insane but like you said with your girl at the end of the day we end up cuddling anyways so hold on to that make sure there’s plenty of communication because that’s where the problems can come in the most you might think that everything is great and peachy but she might not feel the same way and if you guys aren’t opening to communicating and talking about anything and everything completely openly it will come back to bite you on the ass trust me other than that have a blast and don’t forget important holidays chicks never let you forget when you f** and miss something important good luck to the both of you
Not co-dependent, inter-dependent. So you good
Been in a relationship for 10 years this September and getting married next May. I do think there is a difference between a healthy, close partnership and co-dependency, but I think all couples are at least somewhat codependent on one another. In my relationship, our lives are completely entwined, but that doesn’t mean I have lost my identity as an individual, nor has my partner lost his.
Do you still enjoy your own hobbies that aren’t necessarily done with your partner (or at least not always)? Do you have time to spend with just yourself, even if only for a little bit? Is you and your partner supportive of one another fostering other relationships (friendships, family, etc.) outside of your romantic relationship?
My partner is my best friend. I can’t – nor do I want to – live without him. But I am still just me – and as long as you both can say that, I think you’ll be okay from what you described.
co-dependency can look practical in the beginning. It can look like love. What it becomes is one person resenting the other when they realize they have lost their own identity or freedom.
I’m gonna get downvoted so hard for this, but be careful. You’re head over heels now, but you’re also really young…and so is she. If she breaks your heart while you’re this wrapped up in her, it’s gonna suck big time. For the love of the god I don’t believe in, have things and people in your life that are only for you. If your relationship with her ends, you’ll want support networks, hobbies, and distractions to help you heal.
I think codependency is great. It’s a sign of trust, love, and more. The reason it’s looked down on is a lot of people don’t see the point in trusting or relying on people that deeply. But you shouldn’t live your life based on how other people want you to. The main thing is that sometimes with codependency you get anxiously attached in a way that means when she’s gone even for a normal thing, you might get distressed. I heard a case of this very very old couple who were codependent, and the guy wouldn’t go to the hospital without his wife, but she couldn’t leave home, which caused an issue. As long as you know being away from her isn’t a death sentence and you are okay on you’re own, there’s nothing wrong with it.
Time to get a ring and propose and start a family.
if yall happy and still vibing after 3 years that’s fire. codependency ain’t always a bad thing unless it starts messin with your growth or peace. just make sure you still got your own life outside the relationship too friends, hobbies, goals. love her hard but don’t lose yourself in it. balance is key
Looks like you want a yes or no question. No advice needed? You know you have a special relationship. Value it, grow with it I’d propose already.
I’m similar timeframe as you, I count my blessings everyday because the people I see around me seem like they tolerate their relationships for the sake of it. They say the same thing “puppy love it’s nice” “just wait” well it’s been 2 years since that feeling was supposed to fade, now we’re arguably worse because now we’re ultra comfortable.
My wife and I have been married 2 years, late 20s and are fairly similar. Younger gens of people are really weird about “co-dependency”. You should be powerful, inseparable, team. Communication is always key.
My wife is my best friend, and there isn’t generally anyone id rather spend time with unless I haven’t gone out with the boys in a while.
We’ve both had to do a lot of growing up together. If anything, our “co-dependency” has made both of us more accountable and mature in several areas of our lives. We work hard for eachother.
Co-dependency is bad when it leads to toxic or negative behaviors as identified by the two in a relationship.
Enjoy it.
Wife and I have been together 18 years and we’re the same way still. Absolutely obsessed with each other.
My girlfriend and I were like this when we met, now we’re together for 11 years, married with a kid, and still feel exactly the same about each other! Till death do us part, preferably several decades from now. Doesn’t sound like you need to change a thing!
I think you sound really fortunate. This is deep friendship and marriage, you’re a team, partners. I wouldn’t call it co-dependent in a derisive way – I mean we all are to some extent. And you may think 3 years is a long time, it is for you, but in the grand scheme of things you’re still early in your journey together.
If it worries you, begin seeing friends on your own more, because friendships are important too. But being madly in love and wanting to be with someone all of the time (if you can still go to work and function in your adult life)- it sounds wonderful. And it might change over time and that’s not love fading it’s just moving to a different stage.
But make a dinner date with a friend on your own, maintain those relationships even if they aren’t what you enjoy most, friends are important in life. Make sure they know you still think of them too even if you have to fake it a little – or schedule it, keep them.
For some reason we live in a time where it’s shameful to feel passion for another person. Almost like they want us all to cut off all our emotions and do 9-5 two jobs, not think for ourselves, and definitely have no time to enjoy ourselves or anyone we like. Being a slave and serving the needs of pitiful rich men in suits who have to manipulate everyone else to stay up top, else they’re a nobody… oh.. did I get too deep into this…
Codependent and interdependent are different things. Codependence means stopping personal growth in areas you struggle because your partner makes up for them. And taking over in places they struggle so that they never learn how to manage independently. The reason this is bad is because you reach a point where the relationship gets stunted, there isn’t enough room for growth. It also tends to happen if your only support structure is each other. There’s also issues of enabling, neglect and isolation, but those tend to be alongside codependence, not necessarily part of it.
Interdependent is how to need each other without being dependent on each other. That’s where it sounds like you two are. You’re still challenging each other and find ways to grow with each other. You’re building a life together and need each other, but you aren’t isolating from friends and family and you reach out to your support system so your partner doesn’t have to shoulder all the emotional labor (and vice versa) so long as you two both intentionally grow both within the relationship and as individuals, you can enjoy the relationship you’re building without those fears.
Codependency becomes a problem when one partner resents the other for not spending their full time with them. If both of you are onboard, great, but it is healthy and normal to be drawn to friendship outside of the relationship. Oftentimes the partner that isn’t engaging in an outside life is the one who becomes quite upset.
It is not unhealthy…people are just avoidant nowadays and cannot commit so they are jealous of what you have.
Love this for you and long may it continue!
I am curious though, is this the first time you have ever felt like this or do you generally fall hard?
The co-dependency critique often misses the mark. It’s only problematic if one person loses their sense of self, sacrifices their needs entirely, or if the relationship becomes a prison. If you’re both happy, growing, and still have outside interests even if you prefer each other’s company, then you’re golden.
Cherish each other. But actually cherish each other.
If she tells you not to do something because it’ll hurt her LISTEN and don’t do it. You may not think it’s a big deal but it’s important for her. Also this but vice versa. Respect each other. Exhibit self- discipline, self-control, self -restraint for things that are important to her.
Your in love. It doesn’t sound codependent from what you said.
I was in a codependent relationship for 47 years. It was awesome.
it’s smart to ask questions like this. co-dependency feels amazing at first but can get tricky if either of you loses your sense of self. loving hard is great just make sure you’re also growing individually so the love stays healthy long-term.
Codependency is not being able to function and emotionally regulate without the other. Similar to a baby without a parent. If you are not able to independently form or regulate your emotions, or independently perform tasks because your partner is absent, that would be considered unhealthy. It’s not the same as feeling empty or incomplete. It’s literally not being able to function. It can escalate to abusive behaviors from there, like emotional projection, financial dependency, career stasis, etc.
Independent partners can spend every day together but be able to perform tasks and regulate their emotions separately.
There are many bitter & envious people in the world. This sounds like true love and that’s a beautiful thang. Best wishes to both of you!
I’ve seen lots of couples who are still very much in love after 50 or so years. Like, puppy love vibes!
So I was in a codependent relationship when I was younger that started out with us obsessed with each other and practically joined at the hip. My advice to you is to have your own hobbies and time apart sometimes. I know it’s super fun right now but it’ll help you both in the long run to be your own person sometimes. And the fighting, ehh, I won’t comment on that other than saying just watch how the fights go. Bickering is normal. Just don’t say things you don’t mean out of anger.
This isn’t codependency. It sounds like you have truly found someone who is the yin to your yang. Only time will tell. FYI codependency is an unhealthy attachment to someone who is often controlling or manipulative and who may struggle with addiction or mental health issues.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
Enjoy your love. Don’t try to change anything except maybe get married. Your love sounds like a beautiful thing.
I wish I had what you have… love. Someone who wants me for who I am and appreciates me. I want a healthy, loving relationship. Wants to be around me, do things together, etc.
Everyone I know is taken, getting married or engaged, and has or is having kids or will soon. I’m 25 and I feel so behind now. I’m also divorced (mutual). I don’t get likes or matches on dating app, I don’t know why. Maybe it’s me 🤷🏻♂️ I’m an average build, not too thin and not fat. I’m bald (unfortunately lol), and 5’11.
Yeah that’s not gonna end well I promise. Have a lot of experience with codependency… it was ruining my life and I had to learn to live without it. Its addicting like any drug.
this post is cringe af
My husband and I were like this, and now almost 15 years later things haven’t changed. So many people said the “honeymoon period” would end but I love him more now than I did when I was 17.
You’re both happy, just enjoy it and don’t worry about what other people say 🩷
You’re talking abt attachment. That’s not what codependency is.
Congratulations, you’re in the relationship 1%. You’re in love, comfortable with yourselves and each other, you’re true co pilots, confidants, true life partners. I don’t have any advice, just appreciate it while you’re in it. Like all relationships and human endeavors in general, happiness and compatibility today doesn’t guarantee those things tomorrow. Everything ends eventually.
In my opinion, codependency is unhealthy when it starts looking like people / one person has their entire mood dependent on their partners availability emotionally/mentally/physically
It sounds like you both genuinely like each other’s company. What a blessing 🙂 wish you both a life time of happiness
You have a good relationship. Please enjoy it and know that you’re the envy of millions of lonely single people lol
aww this was adorable to read. my boyfriend and i are in this sort of relationship too, the one piece of advice i have is to ensure that you guys are still able to function as normal people during extended time apart. sometimes life demands you be away from your partner for awhile, ex. job, illness, college, etc. make sure your relationship is sustainable without constant interaction and always being around each other. i personally struggled a lot with being apart from him at first, but he’s always been so caring and reassuring and always makes time to facetime me, and i’ve found activities to do that make me happy and lessen the pain of being apart from him. so yeah just make sure you guys are still alright even if you have to be long distance for some time and you’ll be fine. i hope you guys last forever!!
I am not a psychologist, but I think co-dependency is maybe a different, darker flavour of inter-dependence. Co-dependence is when you affirm each other’s weaknesses, traumas, and failures instead of strengths, ambitions, and goals. For example, one person in the couple grew up the child of an alcoholic. The other person is an alcoholic. So one of them has normalized dealing with inconsistency, unreliability, mood issues, possibly violence and depression. They feel normal living with this even though it’s not at all good for them. The alcoholic partner – who has normalized the shame of being an alcoholic and is carrying all of the past experiences of everyone they hurt with their addiction – fulfills their bond by being all of those things. The resulting emotional drama, damage, sadness, and shame for both of them fulfills a prophecy of disfunction and shame. They don’t life each other up or encourage each other to do better but instead keep on reinforcing this cycle of BS to the ends of exhaustion and sadness. Again, I am not a professional, but I have been in this kind of a situation and it absolutely does not feel “so damn good.” So good for you for being in what sounds like a very passionate but healthy mutual excitement for each other – that rocks – many many happy returns!! Don’t become co-dependent – it’s super lame. Work on being in good mental, physical, and spiritual health so you are always being your best for each other!
Call dependency typically means like two alcoholics or drug users. The fact that you can get over the argument means you have a good rupture/repair system in place. As long as that rupture/repair system stays intact you guys will be golden.
Yes, co-dependency is very bad. It’s a huge mistake and very immature.
It is not healthy or normal your entire life to revolve around one person. Nor is it healthy to let friendships diminish.
If your girlfriend dies or you break up, you would have nothing and no one left. You might have family left you haven’t abandoned them, alienated them or ruined your relationships with them.
If you abandon your friends, don’t count on them to have much sympathy for you when you need them. They won’t have much use for you anymore.
Remove any fears and labels and just enjoy what you have daily, as if you’re renewing daily lease on each other that continues for days weeks months years. The worst thing you could do is when things are going really great to start questioning or think about potential problems because they introduces doubt that grows as it is introduced. So nip that in the bud at the very beginning and just go with the flow you’ve established.
Being codependent is more like depending on the other person for your source of validation, happiness, and self-worth. It sounds like y’all have that independently but just enjoy the fuck about of being with each other! Two very different things 🙂 very happy for you both!!