Looking for other people’s perspectives; I’ve been dating this woman for about 7 months now. She has been wearing this diamond ring on her left middle finger throughout our relationship. (I thought maybe it was a ring her mother gave to her) I mentioned it the other day and she told me it was a ring her ex-boyfriend gave to her. I was a bit bothered by it and she told me not to worry that it’s just an accessory. Since then she hasn’t worn it. She wanted to see other people’s perspective too because she doesn’t think it’s a big deal. But what do you guys think?
My girlfriend and I want your perspectives.
r/Advice
Comments
The ring is not a big deal
I think that your girlfriend is very sensitive to your feelings. The fact that she took off the ring after you expressed your concerns to my mind indicates that she’s caring, thoughtful and considerate.
And that means the two of you will have very little trouble communicating with one another should issues pop up.
Under those circumstances, I think you have absolutely nothing to worry about as far as the ring is concerned. And I think the right thing for you to do, in my opinion, would be to let her wear it as she likes.
Put another way, she’s made clear that she’s willing to work with you. And that’s a very promising sign for a long lasting and healthy relationship.
She sounds lovely, and you’re lucky to have found someone like that.
I hope that makes sense, please let me know. Thank you.
Honestly, I get why it bugged you it’s not just a ring when it’s from an ex. But it’s good she listened and stopped wearing it once she knew how you felt. That shows she cares about your feelings, so I’d say you two handled it pretty well.
You feeling off about it is normal. Her seeing it as “just a ring” is also valid. But the fact that she removed it once she realized how you felt? That’s the real signal. Y’all seem to have good mutual respect lean into that, not the ring.
I think this is an object for your insecurity to crystalize upon, and that you’d be happier if you could overcome your insecurity irrespective of the object.
Let her wear the ring. It’s a real diamond ring I suppose and it wasn’t an engagement ring, so it’s no big deal.
Nope. Not a big deal. It’s her ring. She should wear it wherever she wants. Her taking it off around you is a respectful move and a green flag. You making a big deal out of it is an orange flag to me. Screams insecurity which is a significant turn off for me.
I wear a ring from an ex. I like the ring. I barely remember the guy.
I wouldn’t care.
Idk if my bf still wore a gift from his ex id be uncomfy – I take our relationship seriously and keeping a memento of a past partner feels odd. If it’s rlly no big deal then I’d pawn/sell the ring and get a replacement. As a girl I wouldn’t want my bf wearing a chain or something that one of his exes gave but 🤷🏻♀️
I think the ring means whatever it means to her, it may or may not be any sort of tie to her ex.
She was honest about the ring, and stopped wearing it after your conversation. Those say extremely good things about how she handles difficult topics, and she does care about you.
Edit: I still have a raggedy wallet that was a birthday gift from someone I dated 19 years ago. I look back at her as an exceptionally good person but the relationship was a bad fit and she was very kind about how she left when I did the dumb young man thing and stonewalled instead of discussing how I didn’t really feel the relationship and felt trapped by how much she loved me. I fucking wasted her time and it’s not just been a useful gift but a reminder not to do that to anyone every again.
So. Meanings are complex.
I would say check in as to why you feel the way you feel. What does that mean to you. You’ve been with her for 7mos — are you thinking long term with her?
That ring means something to her, maybe a remind she overcame something or a period in her life she won’t forget how she survived.
I’d ask her what the ring means to her. But I think the fact she is with you shouldn’t matter what she has from prior relationships.
The fact you both could talk it through shows a healthy level of communication in the relationship.
I understand you’re wanting other perspective but I think a few therapy sessions would be more beneficial for you both. Get a professional opinion versus randos on the internet.
🥰♥️
She should not wear it after meeting you.That was a jealousy bait. And drama starter. Put the past where it belongs. Bk2 the original person or in a box of old stuff pawned or thrown to a wishing well for better luck next time. That tells me she didn’t move on, still has feelings, wants ex to notice she’s holding a candle or flaunting an expensive gift she didn’t return. I’d watch out for more signs, it’s a sure tell if she’s dragging her past out. I’d know, I snached a pair of socks from almost every ex I had lol but not for the bad purposes, for a reminder of what to or not to do next time.
If she took it off it means she cares about your opinion. I think you got your answer if she still cares about him or not. She doesn’t let her wear the ring and just say you bought it lol
It’s not a problem. I wear things from my exes have things from my exes, my husband has things from his exes. It’s a part of your life that is over now. That fact that she took it off when you asked is a green flag and shows you she really doesn’t care about it except as an accessory.
I wouldn’t wear jewelery my ex gave me. I don’t want that reminder of a shit relationship. But to each their own
I did the same thing. I had the diamond from a failed engagement ring re-set into an antique style tea ring. I wore it on my middle finger every day for years. I’ve added more rings to my jewelry box, so I don’t wear it as often as I used to anymore.
My spouse doesn’t care if I wear it. He only cares that I’m wearing the engagement ring and wedding band that he gave me.
I don’t think it’s a big deal, but it’s nice that she considered your feelings about it and stopped wearing it.
It would kinda bother me. It’s a diamond! Perhaps get her something special to replace her wearing it.
I mean, was it an engagement ring or something? How far does it go that your partner is no longer supposed to use things that were purchased by an ex? Are you expecting her to throw away anything that she received from a previous partner?
I don’t personally think it’s a big deal bc it’s a nice item. But if it was something like a teddy bear she got from him that she still sleeps with every night, I would think that would be a more strange bc it would seem more sentimental. If there’s no special memory or something attached to the item (which maybe only she would know of) I don’t see the big deal.
I feel BOTH of your feelings are valid and the fact that she stopped wearing the ring because it upset you is a good sign.
i understand the feeling, i am also someone who, if im gifted a genuine item, i’ll continue to use it despite whom i got it from. i have a cross necklace i wear everyday and never take off from my mom for example. her taking it off seems more like she’s trying to reassure you, it isn’t something that’s sentimental to her and it’s simply just a ring, but it is still something she’s aware of that bothers you and is trying to make you feel better and or more comfortable
I don’t think you being bothered by the ring is an indicator of insecurity as some folks have said, but rather a reasonable-ish concern that you wanted clarity on.
I do agree that her willingness to accommodate your concern is a major green flag though. I’d walk your initial concerns back and let her know that you’ve thought about it and decided that it’s not a big deal; you weren’t sure if you were okay with her wearing it because it might have meant she was clinging to her past or had some sentiment tied up with this relic of a past relationship, but you realized that this isn’t an issue for her. Might be a plus to acknowledge her willingness to work with you rather than the alternatives.
TL/DR: Ring could be an issue, so your concerns were valid, but based on her actions it probably isn’t. Move on, nurture that trust, keep the communication flowing, and enjoy each other! Probably tell her she should wear whatever she wants and that you know she’s into you so you won’t bring it up again… at least, that’s what I would do.
Ummmm hard no on the ring. Rings are an OK but have many symbolic meanings. I would say the same thing to my GF if wore her ex boyfriends used sweatshirt at night. Also if she is still in contact with the ex or he lives close, he could use her not wearing the ring as a way of labeling you as controlling. Don’t let that happen
Different people, different values. Me personally, idgaf. It’s just a ring. Even if it holds emotional value, so what? It means her and her ex had a good thing going, and I’m happy for her. I hope all of my partner’s previous relationships were good, and I hope she remembers them fondly.
The reason behind still having it/wearing it is what matters.
I think you’re just the accessory
Buy her a new one and as you are sliding the old one off and new one on toss the old one since it’s just an accessory
I’ve never seen a ring plug a hole before.
The fact that she took it off when you expressed how you felt about it speaks volumes. It would be an issue if she refused to take it off because it still held sentimental value to her.
She needs to let go of her past. It’s not a ring it’s a tiny handcuff reminder of why she’s no longer w/him. I’m sure she’s reading w/you so tell her she needs to leave the past in the past if she ever truly wants to move fwd. The good thing is you’ve only been together for 7 mths so the break up won’t be that hard if she refuses to understand the voices of reason. It may also show she has a selfish side and wants what she wants. Ask her if she dreams about him or thinks of him often. If yes then she’s really not over him and you’re wasting your time investing in a person who only invests in herself. Be great and never change for anyone EVER!
It’s not just a ring from an ex. It’s a diamond engagement ring. There could be no greater disrespect and if she couldn’t see that it tells you she completely values diamonds over you
Sell it and go on a date
She shouldn’t be wearing the ring. End of story. But good on her for stopping after you asked.
Now that she’s removed it…she’s going to get hit on by men assuming she’s single. 🤷♀️
I can see both sides, you are bugged by it because it’s a new relationship and you may see it as she’s still hung up on her ex by consistently wearing it. Since you’ve only just discussed why she wears it you haven’t had as much time as her to process whether there is meaning in wearing it. While she has had however long to do so and just sees it as an accessory. Plus if it’s a real diamond ring I think that would be quite a waste to just get rid of it. But the fact that she didn’t argue, didn’t question you on it, and just stopped wearing it shows that she is listening and he’s cares how you feel. This should be taken into consideration and you should extend the same courtesy to her if she says it’s just an accessory.
She still sees her ex and doesn’t want him asking about it.
My wife still has her engagement ring from her previous fiancé.
She was young at the time until she realized he wasn’t the one.
Also… he owed her money lol
That said, the fact that she stopped wearing something valuable and shiny after you brought it up….. and was upfront with you about it, speaks volumes.
Give her some credit.
Your gf sounds like she is considerate since she took it off. You however are over reacting. It’s not like she’s wearing it on her ring finger like married. Why waste good jewelry? It doesn’t have anything to do with him it’s she likes the actual ring. Is she supposed to get rid of it for you? You’re jealous of a piece of jewelry. I still have mine from my kids dad which my kid will get one day I don’t wear them bc they don’t fit me anymore but if they did I’d wear them.
Looks like your girlfriend was engaged to be married, then broke it off and kept the ring.
Thats some poor character in my opinion. I think you should bail before you buy her a ring too.
Using paralysis runes and then draining their health until dead.
She said not to worry about it bc it was just an accessory, then proved that by just taking it off. Easy fix! I wouldn’t over think it.
I absolutely understand why you’d be bothered by it, but she clearly cares about your feelings by taking it off. Seems she was honest about it being just something she wore, otherwise she’d have tried to pacify you and continue to wear it. I say no harm no foul.
Probably wrong of her to wear a diamond ring given to her by an ex. It meant something more than she’s admitted to, that much I know. A man will not give a diamond ring to a girl for sh!ts and giggles. She needs to come clean about its meaning and why she felt the need to continue wearing this elaborate gift from another man, while in a new relationship with you. Every time she looked at it she thought of her ex. So she’s obviously still rather fond of him and is probably still not completely over him. Relationships are built on TRUST and HONESTY. Without both you don’t really have a relationship.