I’m 19, and I was in a relationship with my girlfriend, who’s also 19. We’ve had some problems here and there like any relationship. A couple of months ago, I messaged a female friend of mine to ask for some advice about my relationship. Important detail — she has a boyfriend herself, so there was no flirting, no intentions, nothing like that.
All I said to her was, ‘Hey, if you’re not busy, can I ask for some advice?’ That’s literally it. The girl never even responded to the advice question, so the conversation didn’t go anywhere beyond that.
Fast forward to now, my girlfriend asked to see my messages. I had nothing to hide, so I showed her the entire conversation, including that one. Despite seeing everything, she completely flipped out. She accused me of cheating just for asking another girl for advice, even though there was zero flirting, zero sneaky behavior, and I was fully transparent about it.
Her argument was that in her book, asking for advice from another girl is cheating, and she said she doesn’t talk to her guy friends like that — so I shouldn’t either. Right after, she broke up with me over that situation.
To me, I feel like I handled it maturely and respectfully, but I’m still getting called a cheater for something that never crossed any real boundaries. I showed her everything upfront, and the conversation didn’t even go anywhere.
Comments
Cool you found out she’s a crazy person. Drop her. She’ll ruin your life sooner or later.
You didn’t cheat and she knows it but chose drama over trust. If a simple message sets her off then the relationship was already broken.
” We’ve had some problems here and there like any relationship.”
Was the problem you and other women?
Be happy you found out what a complete lunatic she is now. Either that or she’s a complete moron or a combination of both.
Don’t be ridiculous. You didn’t even come close to cheating.
You did nothing wrong asking for advice isn’t cheating. You were honest, open, and had no hidden intentions. If she can’t see that, it says more about her trust issues than about you. Try not to beat yourself up over it you handled it maturely.
“Her argument was that in her book, asking for advice from another girl is cheating”
Not cheating, per se, but you wouldn’t like it if she was discussing your relationship with her male friend.
“she has a boyfriend herself, so there was no flirting, no intentions, nothing like that.”
Sure, but this is how affairs start. The girl knows your relationship has problems, confides in hers, breaks up with her boyfriend, and then tries to hook up with you (“Don’t worry, your girlfriend will never find you. I just want to see if we’re compatible).
She’s a ridiculous drama queen and tremendously overreacting to something innocuous. You’re not a cheater.
BUT fwiw I think quite a few women would be uncomfortable with their SO talking about their relationship problems with another woman, and vice versa I think quite a few men would take issue with their girlfriends confiding in other men. It’s not cheating but it can feel a bit inappropriate, and a bit like a betrayal in and of itself. It’s perhaps not a rational feeling, but is not completely out of the left field to be uncomfortable with this.
Not excusing her enormous overreaction of course, but for future reference perhaps it’s worth being open early in a relationship if you have close female friends that you go to for advice, so you can hash out boundaries around this early on and not accidentally hurt any feelings. You live, you love, you learn. You’re both young, you’re doing the learning bit.
She sounds like a redditor. You didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t apologize or whatever you’re thinking.
There is a tiny sliver of reasoning I can see from your ex’s perspective, telling a girl about problems in your relationship can open up a door for the girl to use against your relationship and try to convince you to break up so she can get with you. However, with her having a bf and not even responding to your text, I don’t think that would apply here. Especially with how you didn’t try to hide it and allowed her free access to your phone. I don’t think you’re overreacting and this kind of behavior from your ex would only go worse as time goes on, better off this way.
That is insecurity for sure. She mad now so when she chills try and have an adult convo.
These will be memories yall look back at (together or not) and cringe at.
You aren’t in the wrong for looking to someone to ask advice, your girlfriend just isn’t mature enough for a relationship yet.
Y’all are still kids so honestly tell her y’all’s relationship isn’t going to work and you wanna take time to grow on your own for a while.
You are dealing with somebody who is very immature very insecure. In what you were looking for was a female point of view how to deal with your girlfriend in the fact that she could arrive cheating from that would also make me question the relationship
You were trying to fix something that you might possibly be doing wrong and just the fact that you thought you may have been doing it tells me that you that you were a lot more mature than she is This also tells me that it will be a continuing problem with her and that she may not be a right fit for you. Just the fact that she asked to see your phone tells me that she was looking for something to justify any of her actions are attitude towards you
As I said, I would seriously reevaluate your relationship with her and rethink. Do you want to be with this person for the rest of your life? And will you be accused of cheating every time you talk to a female that includes possibly family members such as cousins or anyone along that line all I can tell is good luck.
Here’s the deal. Either your girlfriend was crazy and you dodged a bullet, or she was looking for a reason to break up with you. In either case be glad the relationship ended and she stopped wasting time you could be using to find a good partner.