I’m 20M, and when I was a senior in high school (Class of 2023), I had a one-time hookup with a girl who was also sleeping with other guys. She got pregnant, and they assumed her boyfriend was the father — but a DNA test proved he wasn’t. After that, she never reached out, never came to my school or house, and I never heard from her again. I’m undocumented, so I stayed quiet, changed my number often, and worked hard to stay off the radar to avoid any legal or immigration issues. Fast forward — I’ve been with my girlfriend (19F) for a year now.
A few weeks ago, we had an argument about a 40-year-old coworker who was sending her flirty texts, emojis, and even taking pictures of her at work. I told her it made me uncomfortable, but she brushed it off, saying I was overreacting and that “everyone at work is just close.” We fought about it because I felt like she didn’t take my feelings seriously. Then, not long after this argument, she went snooping into my past.
She contacted one of the friends of the girl from high school and asked if the baby was mine. They told her yes — just based on gossip. Now my name is back in circulation, and if the girl or the state digs into this, I could get dragged into a paternity case, ordered to pay child support (even retroactively), or face problems with my immigration status. When I confronted my girlfriend, she said, “It’s my business to know because I’m your girlfriend.” She keeps going back and forth — apologizing one day, then saying, “Well, if it’s your kid, I deserve to know.”
I feel like I’m the only one with real consequences here while she treats this like drama. First, she dismissed my boundaries with the coworker, and now she’s crossing an even bigger line by digging into something that could destroy my future. I don’t know if I can trust her anymore or if I should cut her off before she does more damage.
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You gotta look out for yourself first here. If trust’s already broken and she’s putting you at risk, it might be time to walk away before it gets worse.
Block her and drop her she doesn’t gaf about you
I mean its your past and it will catch up with you eventually. dont take risks you cant afford.
Yeah, fuck that kid, your’re the real victim here
Of course a partner shouldn’t be snooping around someone’s past, but evading responsibility of fatherhood and staying hidden won’t exactly be a permanent situation.
Also, checking a partners past if they have kids or crime they hade is in totdays world unfortunately sometimes required, as people arent open about such things. She was right in this case.
If she had kids with a partner she refused to accept that you’re allowed to know about (at least until you’re married or so) you’d also be weirded out.
Get away as far as possible from her she is poison. She doesn’t care about the potential problems she has caused and just likes to cause drama.
Can I get this straight?
You probably got a girl pregnant (no condom?) and have been trying to hide from your responsibilities.
Now you are trying to blame your girlfriend for trying to find out something about your past.
And now you want sympathy from random people on the internet?
You have a chance to be in your child’s life. Yes – this will cost you money (that’s the case for any decent parent), and sadly, it may cause you immigration issues. But you have a child – isn’t supporting and being known as a father trying his best more important than anything else? Your kid deserves more.
Dang I’d hate for you to have to take responsibility for your actions /s.
How does Reddit not address this faster?
The fact you might have fathered a child and want to run from that betrays what kind of man you are.
To be fair, it’s not the kind of man I would want anywhere near my daughter.
You think your life will be wrecked, you don’t even have a shit about your own flesh and blood
Your life is already trashed.
Why is everyone assuming the kid is his? The paternity of said child is unknown. He’s not running from responsibility when there isn’t anyone to be responsible for. Now, if paternity was established and he is found to be the father, that’s one thing, but that’s not the case here.
If it were me, I would simply break up with the girlfriend and move on. Not only is she deflecting his very valid concerns, dismissing the boundary he is trying to create, she also creates unnecessary drama in his life.
The real question at hand is, does he want to continue living with all this drama and stress or simply move on?
You’ve been here long enough to potentially get someone pregnant and date women, but not long enough to fix your immigration issues?
Undocumented and possibly fathered a child. You only seem to worry about yourself.
Here’s some advice: stop being the kind of guy that runs from responsibility like this and you won’t have to worry about the consequences.
You two are really bringing out the worst in each other.
Dump the psycho. Change your number and move before you end up on an episode of cops. If you want you can reach out to the mother, she probably forgot youre a candidate
How is he a psycho? Because he hasnt taken responsibility for a kid that may kr may not be his? Tons of people do that every day. My sperm donor didnt stick around to raise me and i was better off for it because my dad was amazing. And hes undocumented so if theh catch him they catch him. But this woman hes with is about to blow up his world because he didnt want her running around behind his back. Oh….maybe shes trying to get him deported so her way to the new guy is clear, very devious.