Hello everyone, my girlfriend ridicules and disparages me whenever she catches me playing videogames. There are games I am interested in but I feel I am never allowed to play them.
Wondering if this is something other guys have come across and what you did about it. I was thinking of finding some ‘heartfelt’ games I could share with her to try to move her away from blunt prejudice of an entire artistic medium. As I think hatred towards a medium (e.g. books, movies, paintings etc) would be seen as ignorant for any other artform.
Edit: since it’s already been asked multiple times. I might play for 30 mins a day. I also do most of the chores though she does, but rarely, get angry if I don’t clean dishes soon enough.
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Hello everyone, my girlfriend ridicules and disparages me whenever she catches me playing videogames. There are games I am interested in but I feel I am never allowed to play them.
Wondering if this is something other guys have come across and what you did about it. I was thinking of finding some ‘heartfelt’ games I could share with her to try to move her away from blunt prejudice of an entire artistic medium. As I think hatred towards a medium (e.g. books, movies, paintings etc) would be seen as ignorant for any other artform.
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Get a better girlfriend. Because partners support each other. Not making fun of them
Get a new girlfriend mate; respect yourself.
The easy answer is break up, the petty answer is react in the same way towards her hobbies as she does towards your gaming. If you pay your bills spend time with your girl and games are a hobby. If your girl does everything around the house while you game then this isn’t for you lol.
Get a new girlfriend.
I know it sounds simple and ridiculous, but if she can’t appreciate you and the things you enjoy, then it’s just a toxic relationship.
Leave and find someone who accepts you for you.
To the curb with her!
If she spends hours on Instagram and watching reality TV or wtv she does to disconnect, just compare the two and say that’s how you disconnect.
If she continues, well, either get used to it or get rid of her.
Go find someone else.
As long as it isn’t negatively impacting your relationship she shouldn’t give a fuck.
You’re an adult, that type of behavior is childish nonsense. Had this in the past, did not work out, things are much better now.
There’s a lot to unpack with this, but ultimately don’t change your hobbies because she demands you to. Stand your ground, but don’t get emotional about it.
Take the stance “it is what it is.” “I’m gonna play these games.” But at the same time ensure that you get all your duties out of the way as well. Spend time with her, pay attention to her, but you also need time for you.
You can try inviting her to share in your hobby, just understand that it will be difficult to overcome any prejudice. At the end of the day, any relationship where one side is ridiculed or disparaged by the other is ultimately doomed anyway. Best to get out earlier than later.
If it irritates her so much to see you unwinding and enjoying himself, you might want to just move on.
Dear GF
I like to play video games, it is a hobby of mine.
I won’t stop doing it. If you don’t like it, there’s the door, I won’t sacrifice bits and pieces of myself because you think it’s below you. Make a choice, I’m good either way.
How old is she? I think it’s something a lot of men experience with girlfriends/wives who lack maturity. They may think that the guy should be spending all their time with them and resent him having what is essentially a hobby. As long as you are balancing your time equally and fairly between your games and her there should be no need to feel bad but if she still sees it as a problem it’s likely to be resentment and insecurity about spending time on something other than her, as I say.
A mature woman would recognise that you have every right to spend your free time exactly how you want. And if you find playing video games relaxing or exciting then great. Don’t feel bad for it. Encourage her to find hobbies of her own so she isn’t as reliant on you and reassure her you don’t think of her any less, you still love her but everyone needs “me” time occasionally. Hopefully she’ll grow out of it.
This is tough! I hated a woman like this and we are no longer together. I chose my peace over her drama.
Her only hobbies were Netflix, and getting heavily crossfaded every night, so….yeah! She sucked!
Get a new girlfriend
Hey GF.. See that door over there? You can leave any time you want.
What you do is move on to someone who isn’t a judgy asshole.
You’re with the wrong person.
How many hours a day/week are we talking?
She sounds toxic. As soon as you stop playing video games, she will find something else to disrespect you about & it will continue. I say cut your losses now. Just think of all the gaming time you will have on the other side!!
Don’t try and sway her, ask her not to complain about them
What a judgemental %#€¥#. You’re not cheating/gambling/watching corn. If it’s not completely taking over all of your spare time, I don’t see what the problem is.
If you’re not performing as the masculine role in the relationship, you will get this, and more.
I think a fairly basic requirement of a relationship is that your partner doesn’t have to like or have an interest in your hobbies, but should respect that you do. Your GF isn’t doing that.
Rather than trying to win her over to the medium, I’d recommend just flat out telling her that she’s behaving in a really shit way.
Do you ever disparage any of her activities?
Would it even occur to you to do so?
I think you should decide how much you are worth to yourself. Then either have a conversation with her about setting boundaries, and respecting each others, or end the relationship entirely. Or get used to not having boundaries or respect and just be a sad boy who can still say he isn’t alone I guess.
Relationships are often a give and take, but this is a lot of taking man. Men often feel responsible for keeping relationships together, but happy wife happy life is a lie told to excuse toxic relationships. You don’t even have kids yet from the sounds of it, and you want to continue with this? It’s not going to get better without mutual respect.
And you aren’t ‘allowed’ to do something as a grown adult? Dude…
Never allowed to play them is weird. Don’t let someone control you. With that being said just communicate with her. Find out why she thinks the way she does and explain how it makes you feel.
Pls leave that toxic garbage of a person
Get a new girlfriend. Don’t compromise on your hobbies, friends, family or interests for a woman. If you do you’ll always regret it and resent her for it.
Women (speaking generally here not all women…) enjoy spending time and doing activities together. If she isn’t open to learning to play games with you (plenty of easy to pick up and put down games that can be good segues into other games) then what you want to do is find out what a compromise looks like that works for you both. Date nights and specific times that are reserved for you to spend time with her and for you to have time to play the games you enjoy is an option.
Tell her to fuck off.
How about you have a respectful conversation with her? Sometimes hating a particular activity could mean they see it from different perspective. To explain: My partner told me that she hates gamer. As in general who play video games. I love it. So, I asked her and broken down every single detail and came to a conclusion that she hates the guy who ignores their responsibility and spend all their time playing games. I had to explain her the types of gamers, what games are addictive and how some people prefers to play their games. Why they do it etc. She understood my point.
When I play games excessively, she asks me if something is on my mind and I am trying to be at peace by playing games. Which is almost always the case when I play for 10-12 hours over the weekend.
Final word: Talk to her. Explain her that playing games are just a form of entertainment. Just like watching Netflix, doom scrolling Insta/TikTok etc.
Video games are a waste of time
Games are not a problem, something else is.
There are two general scenarios at play here. Guys who game too much and neglect their girl. And girls who can’t stand seeing a guy have any leisure time or fun unless she orchestrates it.
If the first, game more moderately, if it’s the second basically drop her. It almost never ends at video games.
My ex wife was kinda like that. She’d make me watch americas next top model (I loath reality tv and she knew it) with her for hours on end. But if I sat down to watch an anime once a week or tried to play a game she’d huff around the whole time. It’s not why we got divorced, but it’s one of the many reasons that I’m now glad we are.
Are you taking care of things in other areas of your life?
A good girlfriend will respect your hobbies and your passions towards them. Be free, find someone that appreciates you without controlling you.
I think I’d need more context here. How old are you guys? Does your gaming interfere with your life in any way? Are you able to drop pause/quit a game to take care of chores as needed?
Also, what does she do in her free time?
I don’t know man, you got a situation where your romantic partner is treating you poorly, judging form your description. I’d say you need to talk it out with her or it will fester and kill your relationship. Deal with it now in a calm and rational way or you’re in for a bad time.
If she likes Game of Thrones do some split-screen Baldur’s Gate 3. All the cinematics combined are two times longer than all of GoT. Plus your character can interact with the story.
In a relationship, you should give your partner freedom to explore their own hobbies and interests. If she can’t do this, she obviously isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship.
Red flag next
OP. How much are you playing? Cause there is a big difference between a couple hours a day and 8 hours every day and ignoring everything else.
Get a new girlfriend. If you’re a gamer, this is not going to end well.
Ok. We need some context. If you play 1-1.5 hour daily or so before/after work, still seem reasonable. If long hours or whole night, thats big no no.
If you want to open her up to gaming, i suggest the usual cozy games genre like stardew valley, animal crossing, etc.
If she still dissent the whole gaming as hobby, either you need to find a different hobby or a different girlfriend. Good luck.
Just dump her.
Nah bro, no one gets to ridicule or disparage you for no good reason.
Put your foot down and remind her respect is expected
She sounds cool, but she’s probably not the girl for you and you should break up with her. You’ll both be better off.
If anyone isn’t allowing you to do something that isn’t harmful, you should evaluate your situation. OP i suspect this is going far beyond video games and that you’re in a controlling relationship.
Edit: OP I sleuthed your posts. You aren’t happy in your relationship. Your gf sounds like she is controlling or taking out her frustrations on you. She is definitely abusive if you have to walk on eggshells.
RUUNNN! I say this as a woman. But if leaving is unthinkable, at the very least tell her that won’t be in a relationship with someone who ridicules you or makes disparaging comments about your hobbies. Games are legitimate art, but that’s besides the point. When someone loves you (or just happens to care about your happiness), they won’t jab and snark at your personal tastes which inflict harm on no one.
Your girlfriend should be someone that enhances your life and you want to be around. Geniunely talk it out that you dont like her doing that and use that to see if shell respect you and stop or not. Talking things out is always the first step but past that if she doesnt seem open to the idea of looking at them or not commenting on it like that then decide if someone who makes fun of something you care about is worth staying with
Dump her.
No one who cares about you would disparage and mock your hobbies. It’s not even about the video games. That’s seriously fucked up behavior whether it’s gaming, golfing, hunting, fishing, archery, etc. What you do in your spare time should not enrage your partner unless it’s a genuine problem with crippling addiction. Which is very rare.
This is a self respect issue. Sorry mate.
The “I can change her” path basically never works
Gaming is associated with immaturity, adolescent behavior and socio-economic problems. It’s not an artistic medium.
You should ask yourself if you’re ok having a girlfriend who treats you like that. If you think its acceptable based on your behavior, then modify your behavior. If you think it is unacceptable, communicate your expectations and/or find someone who treats you the way you hope your future wife will.
Context is very relevant.
How many hours a week do you play?
Are you employed/studying or just playing all day?
Does she ever watch or enjoy anything for herself?
Are you spending more time gaming than with her?
Are you neglecting other responsibilities when you game?
Easy, disparage her next time she does something she enjoys. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Or otherwise I’d find another girl as this one feels not wifey material.
My wife loves when I play video games. I’m home, I don’t spend money, I’m out of her hair, and when I’m done I’m actually distressed and miss her company.
Sorry to tell you this, my dude, but she’s never going to be happy with you playing video games. She ain’t the one, man. Even if video games were interfering with chores or whatever other people were saying, she should still not disparage or ridicule you. She should help you get your chores done first before you get to your relaxation and hobbies, and if that’s video games, she should be happy you have passion for something.
Meanwhile she’s probably obsessed with some shitty ass tv show…tell her to chill
A girl won’t care if you play video games, if you prove your worth in other ways. For example, bring home six figures and keep the house clean, and she won’t be able to complain. Or if she still does, then just kick her to the curb and get a new girl.
If you are playing games when the laundry is dirty and the dishes are stacked in the dishwasher and you’re unemployed and haven’t done any interviews lately, then yeah that’s a problem.
catches you? brother if you have to hide anything you do it’s not the right fit.
If she doesn’t respect your hobbies you either give them up or give her up.
Dump her ass.
The little that’s written about her in your post makes her sound abusive.
She gets angry if you don’t clean the dishes on time, even though you do all the chores? Imagine if a woman was saying that about her boyfriend. Same difference.
No, really. “My boyfriend gets angry if I don’t do the dishes when he wants them done. He also ridicules me for my interests.”
Imagine your sister or woman friend saying that to you. What would you tell them? Tell yourself the same thing.
Come to an agreement. Explain to her that it’s something that you enjoy doing but you understand that it annoys her. Find out why it annoys her. Does it annoy her because you’re spending quality time on your own. Are you neglecting household responsibilities.
Once you have heard her reasons, reiterate that it’s something you enjoy but you don’t want to feel guilty, or upset her when you play them. Establish a time that is best to play them, perhaps when she is out. Establish what needs to happen before you play them. Is the kitchen or bedroom a mess?
Then play the game and stick to your agreement.
If you can’t come to an agreement and this is a deal breaker for you then it might be best to part ways.
Was in a similar situation, thought I could change her mind if I showed her some games you might like but didn’t work and still got mad when I gamed like you prob 30 mins or a hour a day. Had enough n left, I’m a lot happier with my games in peace
DISPARAGE HER BACK.
What kind of question is this? Tell her to go scroll her TikTok
If you are successful and have a good work life balance and keep good sleep habits video games are a non issue and people need to stop hating.
The issue is when you have no self control and stay up all night and still have to work the next day.
Thats an addiction.
new girlfriend?
First step is always open and honest communication. Be honest with her about how you feel and let her know she is being very disrespectful to you and your hobbies, and being a bad partner. Disrespecting your partners hobbies are an immediate red flag.
However, I wouldn’t expect her to change her views very much, only maybe be less vocal about it around you. I don’t think someone so disparaging will likely change their views.
If she doesn’t seem to change, you will likely need to review how much you want to be in this relationship. There are some people who are just anti-video games and won’t change their opinions on it as the opinions are more based on their feelings about them rather than actual facts.
Dump her! (not joking)
As a 40yr old nerd who dresses up as star wars characters on the weekend and knows a number of women that do the same,… I can tell you with certainty there are plenty of girls out there who LIKE video games and other nerdy stuff! And that you are under NO obligation to stay with someone miserable, selfish, and immature enough to disparage you from doing things you enjoy!
ESPECIALLY when you are mindful enough to not let it affect your ability to still be a fully functional adult!
Honestly it sounds like your GF is a narcissist/spoiled brat who expects everything to be about her and/or an immature mean girl who still thinks she’s in high school and has to put on this aire/appearance of acting adult/mature and making fun of the nerdy kids!
It also sounds like she is a bit abusive (at least verbally) if she does that a lot, in which you DEFINITELY need to get out of that relationship, and find your own happiness/peace and then look for someone who is not going to be so horrible towards you!
You need a new girl friend
The hell? Either she stops complaining or you should look for another girlfriend.
One of my ex boyfriends played World of Warcraft and was actively raiding with his guild. One day I had to work longer and it ended that I had to wait 5 minutes in front of his door. I didn’t complain, I know his times, and I understand that he can’t just go away to open the door as a tank.
It just ended up me playing the game as well because he made me an account and we played together. Maybe that could be a solution? If she’s willing to try it…
If you’re not playing 24/7 there’s absolutely nothing to complain about it.
She sounds like someone who rolls their eyes when telling her friends how you play video games. Which is fine. But she’s not for you. Coming from someone with this same experience back in the day, move on. You will build up resentment and you might even drop video games and your video game friends to make her happy. Big mistake if that is something you enjoy. But your boys will understand when you come back.
date a gamer
My wife was never much of a gamer. Never owned a console.
She plays COD zombies with me and has played Halo 3 on legendary to help me get the achievements. She puts interest in my interests.
…you need a new girlfriend.
Tell her to knock it off or find a new girlfriend. Relationships should be compromise not capitulation, she’s attempting to bully you to change your behavior.
Sit down have a talk, if y’all can’t find middle ground, find someone who will.
I have a friend who scoffs and rolls her eyes when I mention playing video games. I found out she is addicted to Monopoly Go. I asked her one day when she was playing: “Monopoly Go, so what is that?” “A game on my phone.” “Whaaaaaat YOOOOOU play VIDEOGAMES!?” And then I told her how my games at least have artistic value and aren’t just time wasters. She never really had anything negative to say after that.
Beyond that, I’d just say to play games that are interesting for her to watch. My gf and I watch all the Marvel movies, so I sat her down and made her watch me play Spider-Man PS4, especially the cutscenes. That got her to at least understand the appeal. Similar thing with the Jedi games. She still doesn’t enjoy watching me play Souls-likes but there are a few games she enjoys watching. She also likes to watch The Game Awards and Summer Games Fest. As a matter of fact, she got really interested in South of Midnight from the trailers, and I still haven’t finished that game because she insists on watching me play. But we’re also black and from Louisiana, so it makes sense that game would resonate with her more.
Depends on the situation, and how much you value the games. First try open and clear communication with her – understand her point of view of why she’s against games and try to make her understand yours. Also, consider the games in the context of your life. Are they making you slack on your responsibilities or success? That could be a you issue. If not, that’s fine, not a you issue. Try to come to an agreement, if you can’t then consider how much you value the games and the relationship. It’s not ridiculous if you’re unhappy with the situation to reconsider a relationship – and considering you say you’re doing all the chores, it doesn’t sound like you’re slacking off either
If you’re not neglecting other aspects of your life, she has no right to complain. If you’re fully managing your life and even more so if you’re contributing to her and she’s still complaining. You either need to put your foot down or get rid of her.
Change your girlfriend
Does she read books? Watch tv? Draw? Have any hobbies at all? Point those out to her. Not sure why people are looked down on for having a hobby. That’s what gaming is. For some reason it’s seen as “childish” but reading is one of the first things you learn as a child. Shouldn’t that be considered more childish in that case?
Do the same thing whenever she does something that she finds fun, or she finds relaxing. Then tell her thats what she does and thats how she makes you feel, people like that tend to not be able to see other peoples perspectives unless put in the same situation
It sounds like you are doing your share of chores and are holding down a job.
I would suggest you
(1) communicate with her your reasons for playing. Eg unwinding or superior entertainment than tv.
(2) set time to give her attention, without video games. I suggest finding things she likes that you can enjoy together.
(3) set a schedule for when you play games and communicate that you want to enjoy them during this time and won’t let it bleed over into other parts of your life. Such as chores, work or her.
*communication is key though. She is saying what she is saying because she doesn’t want to address her feelings
New girlfriend is the answer. My ex would berate me the next morning if she went to bed at 10pm all while I spent time most evenings/nights with her until then and then found out I stayed up until 12 or 1 playing games until I went to sleep. Even though that was basically the only time I had to play since I worked, would come home, cook supper and give her the time she wanted.
Overtime after getting some distance from the catastrophe, I realized she was probably just jealous that I had a genuine hobby I enjoyed and she didn’t, but maybe I’m wrong.
if you’re serious about her you just gotta have a sit down serious convo explaining how this is important to you regardless of how she feels about it. if she still makes fun of you or say that you should be doing something else , consider moving on because she clearly doesn’t care for you or how important this hobby is.
it’s the same if you were into watching/playjng sports and she disparages you for enjoying something that you enjoy and is important to you.
Play your games when either she is asleep or in your time. All couples have me time. I play Call of Duty when the wife is out with her girlfriends or shopping or getting her nails done etc.
Get a new girlfriend. Preferably one that plays games.
My advice (and I learned this the hard way) is to find someone who encourages you in your hobbies
Talk to her dude. Tell her it’s a hobby you enjoy.
If she doesn’t agree, then time to move on, or you could stop playing games. Either way. You need to communicate.
It’s not the end of the world.
If you can’t talk to her about it because she doesn’t want to. Then I guess it’s time to break it off, and find someone you can communicate with. There’s nothing worse in life than settling with a partner you can’t talk to about anything.
Lots of interesting points and suggestions on here.
I think from what it sounds like you’re a bit younger than me. Your girlfriend may be insecure about herself and you.
But I can tell you for certain that you need to have a little self respect here and treat her the way you want to be treated.
If she feels like you’re not giving her enough attention, figure out how to manage that. If she’s not being clingy, give her attention. If she’s being clingy, she’s probably insecure and needs reassurance, but you don’t need to tolerate that and can be honest. My wife needs a lot of attention and that’s fine; it’s fun to be with her.
if she feels like you’re not taking care of yourself or your housework, you need to take care of those things first before getting to your hobbies. it sucks, but it’s part of being a good roommate, more than just a good partner.
But if she just doesn’t like her hobbies ask yourself if she would tolerate you berating her or shaming her for what she does. It’s unacceptable. You need to sit her down and have a heart to heart. If it’s the first two, you need to manage that. If she just doesn’t like your hobbies, she needs to learn to live with what you do for fun or she needs to find a new partner. You cannot allow yourself to be abused for your hobbies no matter how weird they are dude. If you paint MLP minis and put them on the walls, she needs to learn to tolerate that and love you as you are, or she needs to move on. It doesn’t matter what your hobbies are; that’s a part of you and I PROMISE there are women out there who are totally cool with whatever they are.
Major red flag for a number of reasons. 1 being she’s ridiculing something that brings you joy and it’s not harming anyone, and 2 being that it shows her lack of maturity for making fun of anybody for playing video games in the first place. Let alone her significant other. IMO it’s time to have a come to Jesus talk or leave the relationship. I personally wouldn’t stand for my SO Ridiculing the things I like for no reason.
Damn…yeah I don’t know what to tell you man. At the beginning of my relationship and even 13 years later were married and I probably play close to 30-40hrs a week. And she has never once complained. I still get stuff around the house and we’re both happy.
She doesn’t necessarily have to like video games, and if she wants to think badly of them, that’s completely up to her.
But the fact that she ridicules and disparages you for playing them is a major red flag. I’ve dated women whose hobbies and interests I didn’t necessarily agree with, but I never ridiculed them for it because I liked them and had a basic respect for them. As a result I often tried to use the opportunity to learn more about something I didn’t understand.
You really need to take some time to think about the ramifications of your girlfriend ridiculing you for your interests.
I’m in my 50s and I just shut down a game I had been playing for the last 2 hours while my wife of 20 years was sitting on the couch next to my computer desk watching something on TV. She’s from a different country than me and didn’t grow up with video games and doesn’t have much interest in them.
A long time ago she was busting my balls about my gaming. This shit came totally out of the blue because I’ve been playing video games as a serious hobby since I was in my early 30s. And I played them more or less casually since I was a little kid. I asked her why she all of a sudden had something to say about my gaming and when she thought about it she couldn’t think of an answer. I told her that I’m in the house, she knows where I’m at and what I’m doing but if she liked I could take up something like golf or hunting. Something that costs a shit ton of money and keeps me away from the house. She didn’t really like that idea but mostly I think she realized that she just didn’t like me spending time on something that didn’t in some way involve me doing shit for her.
As I said that was a long time ago and her and I have been together for over 25 years so I let that one slide. She’s not usually like that but I honestly think that there’s a lot of women who think that if you aren’t doing something directly for them then you should be doing something that in some way affects them, like trying to “improve” yourself to impress them or something, and if you don’t they hate it. Luckily my wife only had a backslide on that but I’ve dated plenty who were the type of girl I just described. And like you OP I pretty much capitulated because when I was young I always thought that whatever girl I was with would be the very last one and if I lost her no one would ever love me and I would be alone forever and and and…..well, you get it. FYI: My wife, who I said I have been with for over 25 years, isn’t my second girlfriend. Or my third. Or my 20th. And while I assume she’ll be my last it won’t be because I kiss her ass all the time. She wouldn’t like that anyway
Say she can scroll tiktok or watch Netflix as much as she’s happy for you to play games
Break up, I have been married a while and wife is very supportive
Unless you are addicted. Or using them to escape like an addiction. Tell her you use your time how you wish in the same way you let her use her time how she wishes.
People create these movie/plays and need to realize that the characters in them arnt real. The actors/actresses are. But the character isnt. You cant get mad at the reality for not being your fantasy ALL the time.
Putting someone on the pedestal is just as bad for them as it is for you. Lol.
So op. You need to explajn to her that she can date you. And accept that tjis is who you are. Or she can make you both miserable by trying to shaoe and “fix” you to be someone shes not actually attracted to.
People are oddly attracted to things they also simultaneously dont like.
For instance. I know a gal who admits she hates that the guy she wants doesnt immediately respond. But admits it makes her want him even more.
Annoying trait yet somehow still attracted.
I know i am attracted to some shitty things too.
Your girl can fall in love with you for who you actually are. Or she can drive both of you nuts trying to force you into a hole you dont fit.
If you’re playing 30 minutes a day and garnering this reaction, you should:
My wife doesn’t love that I play video games but she also doesn’t disparage it. She has her books, I have my games, we have our tv shows and movies.
If she is having a visceral reaction, there’s probably a control issue or previous relationship issue that’s resurfacing.