My (20) girlfriend and I (21) have been having disagreements because I want to spend the night at my friends house and hang out get fucked up all that . And I told her I don’t want her to come because we’re gonna get fucked up and I don’t want to have to check in on her the whole time since she is a sober person. We will also be playing video games and just fucking off and I don’t think she will enjoy that. I just don’t want her discomfort to affect my fun. I havent seen this friend in 10 months and I just want it to go smoothly. But 8 out of 10 times when she comes to hang out with us it doesn’t go well or she’s upset I am not talking to her too. She also gets upset if I smoke too much or drink. So I just communicated to her that I know she won’t have a good time since we will be around weed and alc.
My girlfriend doesn’t want me to hang out with my friend without her
r/AITAH
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NTA. You will have to come to an agreement. If you are hanging on to those aspects of your life she is going to have to allow you that space.
If you need to keep something you are doing from your gf, you are not likely to be a good match or you are not all proud of what you are doing. To some extent, YTA for that. NTA for being who you are – but why are you with someone who disapproves of who and what you are?
NTA. You’re just trying to have a good time with your friend without making your girlfriend uncomfortable. You communicated it clearly and thought about her feelings. It’s okay to want some time to hang out without her.
NTA , Wanting one night to get messed up with your buddy doesn’t make you a villain. If she can’t handle that maybe the real problem isn’t the alcohol it’s her control issues.
On the surface it looks like you want to see your friend alone that you haven’t seen for a while. This feels like a reasonable request, NTA.
On a deeper level it sounds like you may be incompatible if you like weed, alcohol and she is sober. Your girlfriend will probably always have a problem with you ‘getting fucked up’ and ultimately you are going to have to choose between the two.
100% days of these couple disagreement posts are not about the specific question at hand.
What is her specific reason for her not wanting you to go?
Mine won’t even let me hangout with my friends without her and anytime I do shit like drinking or smoking she gets upset and kills my vibe.
It seems like you guys aren’t a good match. I’m in more agreement with her. THere is not much you can do because it’s a problem either way. That should be a sign.
Bruh is your friend a girl or a boy?
Plot twist: the friend is a girl with whom he’s former FWBs. Just kidding. Kinda, after some posts on here.
OP, I have my own feelings about drinking that much, but if that’s who you are she’s going to have to let you do this once in awhile. She can’t change you, and you need to stop her right there and emphasize that this will happen once in a blue moon. Otherwise, part ways amicably and let her find someone who won’t ever get flat-out drunk if one of you will be miserable. No point in arguing over it.
Do you intend to have kids? You need to discuss what you doing this on rare occasions is going to look like if she does decide she can handle this.
NTA for expressing to her the rationale for not wanting here there. Very reasonable explanation and leaves nothing to interpret otherwise. She’s seems clingy, there’s a trust issue, or a control issue. I hope it’s not the last one but there may be some aspects to it. Does she require changes for you in other areas?
She needs to stfu and you need to stop entertaining it. This is young people jealousy stuff. Do not let her have an inch in the discussion.
Men get with women hoping they will NEVER change, (they always do) Women get with Men hoping they can change them (they never do).
Break up with her. She’s clingy and wants to control you. Your partner has no say in who you hang out with or how you hang out with someone. You shouldn’t have to think “oh she’ll be uncomfortable if I hang out with my buddy” or “if she comes, she’ll ruin my fun”. Those are clear signs to leave now. Stop ignoring red flags.
Is this friend of yours M or F?
The million dollar question is would she be ok if you were hanging out SOBER?
If it is yes then you should break up because you are just torturing each other at this point.
NTA, you communicated perfectly. She sounds very immature and it might be worth rethinking your relationship. You are allowed to hang out with your friends and have fun without her. She doesn’t need to always be there. And it’s not like y’all are going out clubbing or going to bars, you’re in his house hangout and playing video games.
If this is a deal breaker for her then let her go. You deserve better.
I think that you and your partner need to come to an agreement if you don’t share the same opinions about doing certain things, and I don’t think it’s wrong to let her know that you wouldn’t feel comfortable in that environment, so it’s better not to go. I also think it’s healthy not to have to bring your partner to every outing with friends, and to have your own space as well.
NTA. People need to be able to properly water the garden of all their relationships; familial, romantic, and platonic. She needs to understand that. That’s a base line maturity thing.
YTA imo, how long have you and your girlfriend been together? I don’t exclude my Fiancée from anything. If I’m going somewhere or doing something she is always invited. This seems kinda sketch. Not saying you constantly have to be around your significant other but you seem to want her not there for more than just “she won’t have fun.”
NTA. She needs to get a life and not be so controlling. Your too young to be explaining what your doing to her. She should be in her own place doing stuff.
NTA
Tell her no. You are allowed to have your time with your friends. She’s not fun and a Buzz Killington. So do you, as long as you do not drink and drive. Be safe.
This relationship is doomed.
NTA
Few things going on here.
-Seems there is a big difference in lifestyles. This can be an insurmountable problem in the long run if it persists. That said OP is young and will likely mature past this partying stage.
-The GF is either untrusting of OP in general or has a reason to be suspicious of behavior that goes on while OP is high and/or drunk and not with her so wants to tag along even though it makes it so nobody has a good time.
-Likely GF is also jealous/resentful OP is going to have fun without her, and she’s not the center of his attention, even for one night.
– If the shoe was on the other foot and GF was going out to party at a friends house and OP tagged along to make sure she didn’t get too drunk/high and do something stupid he would be crucified.
At this stage in life 20/21 both people are acting pretty typical. OP wants to get fucked up and have fun with his friends Pretty typical of people age 18-24. GF is scared he might cheat while off without her, while simultaneously being jealous he is both out having fun and upset that she isn’t the focus of his attention. This isn’t good way to be for either of them but of the 2 I think OP’s behavior of wanting a night to get fucked up and play some video games with his friend(s) is less toxic to the relationship than GF being so untrusting and jealous that she needs to tag along and ruin the vibe for everyone else.
Both people have some growing up to do, and some work to make sure that the relationship can last.
You aren’t wrong for wanting your bro time. It’s important and healthy to a relationship that you have your own moments separate. That being said from the way you speak it’s likely the problem is how you speak to her and your approach. Hopefully you aren’t telling her you don’t wanna babysit her or worry about catering to her needs. It’s not the nicest way to speak to your partner or productive. Instead change it up. Go “hey we are having guy time. We are gonna be bonding and catching up. It’s kind of like how girls need their own space to just be with each other. I am not trying to exclude you but I need some male bonding time.” Then plan something with her on a different day. Then some words of affirmation go a long way.
This may be her way of telling you that she has forsaken some friendships by investing heavily in time with you and, perhaps, her friendships have faded.
She may just feel alone.
She needs to find time with her own friends.
are you looking to cheat while messed up as an excuse? have you used that excuse in the past? Drunken Sleepovers with “friends” can be seen as auditions for the next relationship. if you want to hook up with your “friend”, just cut the gf loose so she can find an adult instead of someone whose goal is to get trashed.
NTA. You should be able to hang out with your mates without your girlfriend. Maintaining friendships outside of your relationship is important.
Here’s an idea..
Grow the f*** up and decide – do you want a partner – or do you want to behave like a fucking child for the rest of your life. Becouse that behaviour shows absolutely no respect for somebody who may actually give a shit about you..