My girlfriend (f25) and I (m26) are at an impasse

So my girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year, and while we are very different people in how we approach problems and conflict, we’ve still managed for a while to make things work. However, lately we’ve been arguing a lot more than usual, and a lot of it stems from her having unrealistic expectations of me, and not communicating clearly what she wants.

One of the biggest arguments we got into recently was that I was going to go to Mexico to visit my family for a bit before coming back to be with her for her birthday. However, I got a second job interview after job searching for many months, and I didn’t want to pass it up, but changed my plans for Mexico and her birthday big time. So while I was trying to make things work, I could tell she was getting frustrated that I wasn’t able to come up with a plan after everything went to shit.

Ultimately, she decided for both of us that it was better if I just went to Mexico instead of coming back, so I could spend time with my family because she felt bad I would be cutting my trip short, and that we could celebrate before and after I leave. She even went as far as to say that I was “uninvited” from celebrating her birthday, so that I had more of a reason to go to Mexico. At first, I was upset since I was still trying to make things work, and that in the end she said that it was better if I wasn’t just here at all, but I understood her decision and told her that I respected it. She then went on the get extremely upset over the fact that I agreed to her decision and that I should have tried harder to be here. There have been many moments like these where she communicates one thing, and tells me that that is what she wants, and when I do it, she gets upset that I take her at her word, and that I’m not putting enough effort.

I then went on to meet her in person that night and tell her what was going on and why exactly I was upset that she was reacting that way, and that it was unfair that while I was trying to figure something out, and she says she doesn’t want me to be here and I agree with her, that she goes and makes me guilty about it. And I shared more about how it feels like I don’t know what she wants sometimes, and that I feel stuck. She understood everything I said, and she said that she was sorry for how she made me feel and that she knows that that has been very unrealistic with what she expects and how she communicates haven’t been helpful. So we came to an understanding, and it seemed like things were great between us, and so I went to Mexico, and she even dropped me off at the bus station.

Then yesterday, after I saw her getting back, she sent me this long paragraph, still talking about how she still feels like I didn’t do enough, and she was still expecting me to come back to celebrate her birthday, even after everything that had happened. So I got pretty frustrated, and we talked about this and how it seems like every time there’s a problem, it’s always something that I either didn’t do or did do that she just never communicates properly what she truly wants, so when I don’t do what she wants me to do after telling me the opposite then i’m the bad guy. And after discussing for a few hours, we’re at an impasse. We both know what the problem is, our communication, and we don’t know how to bridge the gap and do what’s best for both of us.

I suggested doing couples therapy, and she said she refused to do couples therapy and that she doesn’t see it as a good option. So right now, I don’t know what we could potentially do to make this work. So any ideas and or advice on how to approach this would be incredibly helpful, and what I’m looking for more than anything. How to potentially approach this and find a solution that can work for both of us. Please refrain from saying “just break up” or “just leave” without at least giving some explanation. Thank you!

tl;dr – my girlfriend has very unrealistic expectations for our relationship, and isn’t communicating with me efficiently. And after discussing how I feel about the situation, we don’t know how to move forward and need advice on what to do and how to proceed.