So today is our one year dating anniversary. (31M 33F). Midwest USA
I booked us a nice dinner at one of the classiest steakhouses downtown (not cheap – for context), I ordered her a cute gift off of Amazon, was going to pick up her favorite flowers and chocolates before I go over there tonight. Plus more activities later on but I won’t disclose that here lol
She texted me asking if her anniversary present was from Amazon. I said yes. Then she got immediately upset saying that I put zero effort in to our first anniversary and that she feels so unimportant also because I got her something “cheap off of Amazon”.
I texted back saying a $200+ dinner, and the price of the present shouldn’t matter it should be the sentiment and meaning behind it. Plus the night doesn’t end there.
She got horribly offended. I also asked her what does important and effort look like to you in this situation? Legitimate question. I’m literally trying to understand how she feels.
Now she cancelled the whole night and she says she needs space from me tonight and we are not talking at the moment.
For context we haven’t been that great at communicating over the last year but we have been trying really hard. Honestly I’m just baffled.
I did upset me quite a bit.
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Amazon is a store. There are many things you could buy from it that would make thoughtful gifts. There are just as many things which would be low-effort afterthoughts.
You’re right that it’s the thought that counts, but thought means more than just the price tag.
What did you buy her?
OK, crucial context needed – what did SHE do for YOU for anniversary? Because it seems like she did fucking nothing and thinks anniversaries are just her bonus birthdays
It sounds like you did more than enough. It’s not a 50th wedding anniversary.
What did she do for you?
Did she even get you anything?
Uhhh…she’s ridiculous. Like this is the behavior of a 15 year old, not 33. I’d make this the first and last anniversary.
I have a few questions before I can place judgment, first does she like steak or did you only book the place because it was expensive? Also, what did you get her from Amazon? The gift does matter if you picked something generic and actually didn’t pay attention to what she likes or dislikes. Also, what did she plan for you? Anniversaries are to celebrate both people, not just her.
I mean, if she got you a fully paid vacation, a rolex and a car, I could understand her frustration.
But since you mentioned nothing about the effort she put into the anniversary, it sounds more like she expected this to be another Christmas or birthday for herself, in which case this doesn’t sound like a healthy or equal relationship at all…
You have only been together a year and haven’t been communicating very well. You guys are both too old to act this way. I’m the type of woman who wouldn’t care what my bf bought I would be appreciative. I would hope it was something that shows he knows me.
My only advice is to not apologize because I don’t think you did anything wrong. Unless you got her something for the house idk why she is upset.
If I did all that for my anniversary and they reacted like that, I’d cry my eyes out.
You did so much. She’s horribly ungrateful. I’d actually be scared of doing anything nice for her in case she threw it back in my face again.
So many people would have loved to have had the anniversary you gave her!
I’ve got a feeling that it isn’t about all the lovely things you did and it somehow translating as “no effort”. I have a feeling that she’s just using it as an excuse for something else.
eta – Oh woah, wait… and she did NOTHING for you? Yeah drop her. What a brat!
First, I think what you planned for 1 year is great. I’m not sure what the gift was… but I’m sure you got something she likes.
I have been off the market for 19 years, but… this would have been great for our 1st anniversary. I honestly don’t remember our first anniversary, but we were 19 years old, I think we went out to eat and got weird gifts because we were teens.
I’m 37f, and I think she might want commitment or luxury things. Now a days you see people posting unrealistic materialistic feats in relationships like helicopter rides, getaways, and spending a ridiculous amount of money to have a shit load of different gifts.
I think you did all you could and even asked her what her love language would be… and her responses based on your post seem immature. Maybe this is a sign 🤷🏻♀️. Whatever it is, I’m sorry you had this experience. It sucks and you should be appreciated for your effort (my partner forgot our anniversary this year… so I don’t know how she would react to a very normal thing that happens.)
This space she’s asking for should be granted. Permanently. Do you want the rest of your life to look like this?
Buddy…
We celebrated our anniversary 3 weeks late (conflicting schedules)… Used gift cards for our dinner. There was no gifts or cards, not even flowers.
We’re good with a cheap bottle of wine at home having a blast together.
For the record… I buy her flowers plenty… Not going to say I am bare minimum, I treat her well. But neither of us care for it because its honestly just formalities.
Its not what you do, its who you’re with.
And here… You (in my opinion), did everything that could be asked for. Got a gift. Booked a nice restaurant. Had additional plans for flowers and chocolates, additional activities in store… That’s crushing it. What else could she want? A new car on top?
And she just took a steaming dump on you. Zero gratitude.
Would have slapped her back with:
>Okay, if my plans are terrible. Let me hear what you had planned for me? Because its a two way street. I am doing things to show my love for you, what are you doing to show your love for me? Or, are you all take and no give?
Nah, I think you’re better off without her.
There is nothing worse than being in a relationship where you’re trying, just to get slapped across the face that you suck.
I rather find someone who appreciates the effort, not the type who takes a dump on you for trying.
All I care is about the try. What that looks like? I can fall in love with.
That sounds exhausting. I just had my one yr dating anniversary, and we hung out in the woods and I met his friends. One of them invited us to dinner and breakfast and that’s how we celebrated.
It shouldn’t be that hard. Do you see what I mean?
I don’t think the two of you are compatible, to put it gently. It’s just going to get harder from here. People are on their best behavior that first yr, so this is what it’s going to be like, from here on out.
Choose wisely
Amazon is NOT Temu!
She sounds so superficial and gold digger
You can just say “you know, you’re right, we need space, permanently.”
You don’t communicate with each other and that right there is a problem. You don’t seem to have the same values, and that’s another problem. She’s shut you down, and that’s a problem.
If you don’t want to marry her (and you shouldn’t) then don’t waste her time and yours.
Here’s the thing. It doesn’t even matter if you got her a cheap fidget toy. You made plans. You got her a freaking gift. You were going to get fresh flowers and chocolates.
I don’t care who you are, if someone scoffs at that effort for a first anniversary, you are an ungrateful person who needs time to reflect, preferably alone.
I am so sorry she reacted this way towards you.
You deserve better. Way better.
She’s probably expecting a hot air balloon and a ring. Whatever it is she’s expecting, imagine if that behaviour is what you’d be okay with if you were married.
What did she get for you?
For context everyone:
I’m not sure what or if she got me anything. I forgot to ask her.
And I’ve never been a super flashy, materialistic, super extravagant kind of partner and she knows that
If you enjoy having a girlfriend who is interested in transactional relationships, she is the one. If you would prefer a GF who enjoys your company and doesn’t tally up the monetary value, then you might want to move on. I guess I am out of the loop because a ‘dating anniversary’ is not that big a deal and you actually went over the top as far as I’m concerned.
But the real question is, how did what YOU did compare to what SHE planned for you? Was it really lopsided, like she booked a weekend getaway or something? (If she did nothing, break up now!) Because if her expenditure was equal or less, red flags here and you invested only one year of your time. Honestly, she sounds greedy, self-centered, and awful to me. The sex must be great….
A better question is what did she do for your anniversary and what gift did she get you and what plans did she make for you for this anniversary. She sounds superficial.
My husband and I celebrated our 25th anniversary last October. I’d just gotten home after 23 days in the hospital. I think I gave him a kiss? I have no recollection what he got me, but I’m sure it involved a heaping helping of opioids.
OP, she’s not it. Either she picked a fight bcs she didn’t get you anything … or she is a user.
Its not a wedding anniversary. Then its birthday. Then christmas. Then girlfreind day then easter. Then job promotion day. Its always something
Ask her what she planned and bought for you? Oh yeah, it’s all one sided… you give and she receives, because it is her anniversary not yours.
She sounds entitled. A nice dinner, with a thoughtful gift, along with chocolates and flowers? That’s more than enough. Consider this a bullet dodged.
Honestly, she is doing you a favor.
Anyone that cares where a gift was purchased from is materialistic and shallow and not someone worthy of your time.
The fact that she is in her 30s is absolutely baffling but at least her true colors came out eventually.
You say you both have been working on communication but that clearly isn’t true. You have been working on it not her because if she was she wouldn’t have blocked you over something like this. The fact that she blocked you is childish and toxic.
Please, call it quits. She is showing you who she truly is and you need to pay attention. This isn’t someone you will have a happy future with.
Also, for what’s worth, to answer your question. No, she’s wrong. You put in a lot of effort and I would have been over the moon if I was her.
Stop dating shitty women… Hope this helps
A dating anniversary at 30+ years old?!?
I actually married my high school sweetheart, and we didn’t do the “dating anniversary” once we passed 17 or so.
Nah, sorry, she doesn’t get to tell you that you arent getting her enough, then shut down the very nice evening out you had planned. She’s sabotaging your anniversary, and she has a reason for it
You said you havent had great communication while dating for the last year.
This was a celebration of your first anniversary from what I’m reading?
So more or less, this relationship has not had any healthy communication from the jump?
Btw, what did she plan for your anniversary? Did she make you anything, get you a gift, wrote a poem, sing a song, make or get you a card??? Any effort on her part???
Has this year been fucking incredible and amazing and full of love and warmth?
If the answer is no, I’m not really seeing why you’d want to continue this relationship OP.
Find another girl
What do you see in this relationship that seems worthwhile to you? Because how one acts in their first anniversary sets the tone for future anniversaries, and you deserve to feel loved in an anniversary
You’re lucky – it took only one year to understand that you will be better without her.
Updateme
I definitely would not expect anything like this as an anniversary present. As long as we get a somewhat special date I’m good. Even just a card would suffice. Especially as a 1 year DATING anniversary.
my bf has never gotten me a gift for christmas, birthdays, valentines day, anniversary and we have been tg for 2 years so she is being ungrateful in my opinion lol