I (25M) and my girlfriend (24F) have been dating for 2 years and have had some issues lately, and I’m looking for some outside perspective.
A few nights ago, we went on a date and had a great time. The next day, I got a text from her asking who a particular girl was. She only gave me a first name, so I asked for the last name. When she replied, I explained it was someone I went to school with. I didn’t think much of it and just left it at that.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Twice before, my girlfriend has confronted me about women I follow on Instagram. Before we got serious, I made it a point to clear out my following list—removing anyone I had dated, met through dating apps, or had any romantic history with. I only kept people I knew from high school, family friends, and similar connections.
The first time, she went through the accounts of the women I followed, asking who they were, why I followed them, and whether I had liked their photos. The second time, she randomly brought up another girl I followed and asked me to unfollow her. I figured it wasn’t a big deal, so I did.
Fast forward to now—after her latest text, I got curious and checked my girlfriend’s following list. To my surprise, I noticed that she recently followed several of the same women I follow. I’m confused about why she would suddenly feel the need to do that, especially since things between us have been good lately.
TL;DR: My girlfriend has confronted me multiple times about women I follow on Instagram, even though I cleared out my following list before we got serious. Recently, I noticed she started following some of the same women I follow, and I’m confused about why she’s suddenly keeping tabs on my Instagram. Not sure if I’m overthinking it or if it’s a red flag.
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It is most certainly a red flag and it’s something she’s going to have to figure out on her own. If she doesn’t, it gets worse and you’ll end up exhausted.
as someone who used to be obsessed like this, it roots from a sense of self insecurity. maybe she doesn’t feel as pretty as these women, or maybe she’s scared of being cheated on. a lot of reassurance can go a long way right now… don’t wait for her to ask for it, just occasionally tell her how beautiful she is, how much you love her, that she’s your favorite person, etc. eventually she will stop as she becomes more comfortable, but it’s also understandable if you cannot wait for that because i understand it IS exhausting for the other partner
Massive insecurity and a lack of trust.
Not going to stop, either.
I’m just curious but are these girls that she questions you about very attractive or post very attractive pictures on social media? That may be a reason she feels insecure about this. Also remember insecurities don’t always mean that your gf is broken or crazy. Lots of people struggle with them especially if they aren’t confident in themselves. Maybe try taking to her about why she feels uncomfortable that you follow these specific people?