I’m 16M and I’ve been talking to this girl for a while. At first, things were fun, but lately I just don’t feel the same and I want to end it.
The problem is, from the very beginning she’s said she hates her life and that she’d kill herself if I left. It’s not something I triggered — she was saying it before I started pulling away.
She used to leave me on delivered for hours or even days. Now that I’m acting a bit drier, she’s replying way faster. I guess she noticed I’m pulling away and is trying harder to keep me.
She also says that I make her feel better — that I’m the only reason she feels even a little okay sometimes. I’ve never told her to get help or talk to anyone else.
I feel trapped — I don’t want to stay in something I’m not feeling, but I also don’t want to hurt her. Honestly, I just don’t know what to do. And is this ok?
Comments
Is this someone you spend time with in person?
Hey you are soooo young. I was in a very toxic and abusive relationship where the guy did many bad things but one thing I could not stand was he called me in the middle of the night saying he was gonna kill himself. I get that its hard but honestly you cant cure her and i think you should be honest with her. It will be hard for sure but its for the best. Good luck!
It’s not okay for someone to make their life or safety your responsibility, especially in a romantic relationship, and you’re not wrong for wanting to step away if you’re no longer feeling it. You can care about her wellbeing while also setting boundaries, the healthiest thing you can do is be honest that you can’t be her only support system and encourage her to reach out to a trusted adult, counselor, or helpline. If you’re worried she might actually harm herself, you should tell someone who can help, even if she doesn’t want you to, because her safety matters more than keeping it a secret. Ending things kindly but firmly, while making sure she knows where she can get real help, is the best way to protect both her and yourself. But you should absolutely leave and not look back.
Looks like you’re in quite the pickle! It’s tough when someone relies on you for their happiness, but you can’t be their emotional crutch forever. Think of it this way: sometimes, stepping back is the best way to help them find their own footing! Just remember, your mental health matters too. You can’t be her life raft if you’re sinking yourself!
You’re not responsible for any action she takes. You’re far too young to have the weight of something like this on you.
Unsure if you see her in person or if you just message each other, but you need to have the conversation where you explain how you feel and that you want to break up.
As a warning, it seems she will most likely use some sort of manipulation to try and get you to change your mind. Just be strong, but empathetic. You know what you want and that’s all you can do.
I hope it goes well for you.
Probably gonna get a down vote for this but here we go. I had an ex that tried to kill herself when i left her and a few months after we ended up back together… long story short she would gaslight me all the time and blatantly wouldn’t help out at all with anything. I broke it off 9 years later and she obv tired the same shit. My point is if someone wants to kill themselves over you its really not your problem. I know it sounds rough but what are you supposed to do? Waste your whole life bc they domt wanna leave?
This sounds like an unhealthy relationship. You should not ever feel forced to stay only because you’re scared of what your significant other might do. You’re only 16 years old, you should be able to enjoy your youth and find someone you can love and feel you want to share every moment with.
A person cannot be someone’s “cure” for depression. Yes, they may feel better around you, but the depression is still not being treated. If it is truly bad enough that they only even feel a little better because you’re around they need some professional help to treat it.
I would recommend you have a talk with her and tell her you no longer want to be in the relationship. I would explain to them that you care about them and are concerned about their mental health, but you no longer have romantic feelings for them. It will likely be a painful conversation and leave you wondering what’s going to happen next, but you are not responsible for the other persons actions.
It may help for you to even visit a counselor. Possibly a school counselor and just get it all off your chest. I’m sure they will provide some useful insight as well!
Hope this helps!
Let me tell you a hard truth as a girl who grew out of being that kind of girl. You’re just an emotional support dog to her at best especially since you can be so easily roped into staying. She will not end herself if you dump her, she’s saying that because the manipulation works on you. It’s a power play that will only drain you in the long run. (If someone really wanted to end themselves fr they wouldn’t tell anyone so they could be stopped. Keep that very real in mind)
You’re being manipulated, dump her. Most likely the depression is for attention and once you dump her there will be 5-7 backups lined up for your spot as her man. Plus you’re miserable with her, why stay? You’re 16 not 40, trust me you’ll both get over each other in a week.
Just a suggestion…get together with her parents? Tell them and yours too so they don’t manipulate you. Some parents do that for their kids
It’s more than ok to let this go. Have you even met? Dated? You’re 16. This girl has a whole lifetime of misery ahead if she doesn’t get mental help. Tell her to please seek help, then let her go, gently. Tell her it’s more important she work on herself and her happiness than focusing on a relationship. This is NOT something you need to be part of. You are NOT responsible for how she responds!
Tell her parents about her threats and do what you have to do.
You are not her guardian and such threats are a major bright glowing red flag.
Okay so, “if you leave, I’ll kill myself” is text book abusive, manipulative shit. It’s awful that’s she’s suffering with her mental health and I really hope she can seek help for that, but you are not there to be used in this way. You are far too young. You don’t have to be a dick to her, but I’d seriously suggest gently cutting ties and hopefully she has support elsewhere. As harsh as it sounds, even if she doesn’t, you should be out there enjoying life, not having this kind of stuff put on your shoulders.
Yeah, that’s attention seeking and manipulation to get you to stay.
Best words of advice will be.
I want someone who wants to live for themselves. If they choose to end it over not having you then that’s their choice you have 0 responsibility. If you think they’re a genuine risk call the cops for a welfare check on her after you leave.
🤷♂️
She’s quite manipulative. You shouldn’t put your needs and wants on hold.
Ensure someone knows she is at risk – tell your school counselor in private and move on..this is too hard for you to handle and she needs professional help…there are lovely people to connect with who are mentally connected..we all have issues but this is dark..
so that you know this is toxic and manipulative. tell her parents/guardians/family and move on. you have so much life in front of you!!!