Me(17f) and my girlfriend(18f) had sex last time I was over but I was receiving and she wasn’t and I got tired afterwards and apologized. Sometimes after doing that stuff I get really sad and feel like crying(not sure why) so I kind of just wanted to stop and I told her how I feel like I don’t do enough for her and I was hoping for reassurance but she said “you don’t do anything to me” and it made me upset so I brought it up over text today, I asked “why did you say it” and explained how it hurt my feelings a lot, she just said “because it was true idk”
I just don’t understand why you’d say that to someone?? We’ve had conversations before about how I receive more often to make sure she was comfortable and okay with it, I’ve always made sure to tell her I want her and want to do things to her to reassure her, and if it was ever upsetting her I’d fix it. But I also feel like I shouldn’t be obligated to doing something to her either and she shouldn’t make me feel that way. Idk what do I even do.
She was honestly being kind of dry in her responses to my paragraphs as well and it’s just making me really sad
EDIT: we had a conversation about it and she said she wasn’t trying to be mean and she doesn’t expect me to do anything. I gave her a whole paragraph on how I love her and love doing stuff to her and she says she knows and doesn’t expect anything from me. I’m not going to feel bad because you guys for some reason think that I have to give to her or else I’m “leaving her high and dry” and she understands she could’ve communicated any other time. She also told me she doesn’t care if we never had sex again and that we just love each other no matter what. That’s literally it. We will continue being in a happy relationship and I will be deleting this post.
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You are upset that she told you the truth? You need to grow up, hun. Mature more before you get into a relationship
You opened up after being intimate — physically and emotionally — and she chose that moment to belittle you. That’s not honesty. That’s cruelty disguised as truth.
You are not wrong for needing reassurance. You are not wrong for wanting care after sex. And you are certainly not wrong for feeling hurt when the person you’re most vulnerable with treats your feelings like an inconvenience.
If your girlfriend feels neglected or unfulfilled, it’s her responsibility to communicate that with maturity and compassion — not aggression. “You don’t do anything to me” isn’t feedback.
And one last thing: intimacy that leaves you crying is not intimacy. It’s a wound. Respect and honor that feeling.
I am not trained on this so take what I am saying with a grain of salt.
Humans have shamed sex and body autonomy since beginning of time. We were taught to believe sex is shameful and it’s harmful. We need to control our urges and let it happen in a safe environment but whatever happens in the bedroom is between you and your partner.
I believe I read something on overwhelming emotions or anxiety after sex when I was your age. It’s normal to cry when you have emotions pent up and after an orgasm you tend to have all the adrenaline or tension leave you. It’s okay to cry. It’s called a sweet release for a reason. If she doesn’t understand then tell her you feel safe with her.
Don’t let anyone shame you for having emotions. You are human and have plenty of years ahead of you. If this one person doesn’t work out then there will be someone who pick you up.
You told her you feel like you don’t do enough for her. She basically agreed albeit in a thoughtless way. Now you’re upset. Meanwhile she’s the one being constantly left high and dry in your sex life.
It sounds like as a lover you don’t really reciprocate as much. If you were a dude, everyone on here would say this is the sign of a bad lover. It doesn’t have to be an even split certainly but your gf probably feels let down you aren’t eager to make her feel good more often.
Don’t do anything you don’t want to do but over time a lot of people would stop giving as much. It’s pretty unfair to receive all the time and not attempt to reciprocate, clearly she has an issue with it and it’s starting to bother her despite your earlier conversations.
You need to have another conversation with her.
What do you mean “ you are receiving and she wasn’t “
Was she giving you blow job.
How long did you last.
Do you know how to have full sexual intercourse.
Describe the sex event. I can give you some honest thoughts.
You should never have to do anything you don’t want to do. But even if she was okay with it initially, she is allowed to be frustrated by your lack of giving.
You claim that if she was ever upset by it you’d fix it, so do that? My advice on that front is to give first and then receive if you’re not sure when/if you’ll get tired.
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Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer. She’s not making you feel horrible, you are feeling horrible because you know she was honest.
You asked for advice and now you’re kicking back at every response you’re getting. You wanted validation and you’re not getting it. Take a hint.
You sound fucking exhausting tbh.
Intimacy can be emotional and can cause some strong emotions afterwards. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and even still I find myself getting emotional after we are intimate.
While there’s nothing inherently wrong with that happening sometimes, it is most definitely a problem if you are constantly asking to receive first while giving your girlfriend the impression that you will fulfill her physical needs afterwards, but then leaving her out to dry.
I’m not saying it always has to be 50/50, but it sounds like this frustration has been building up over time and she was finally just pushed over the edge. If you are unable to fulfill your partners needs, you need to be honest with her.
Ok trying to look at this you said “sometimes after “sexual activity “ you get sad and feel like crying?” That’s a turn off.
Her response: “you don’t do anything for me” means she’s turned off by you or your behavior towards her right now.
Your response: is to txt her why you said what you have said?
Her response is “because it’s true idk”
Means she’s turned off by your behavior or insecurities when you have sex.
My advice: honestly I feel it’s better if you guys separate as it’s becoming a place of real issue that could permanently damage your relationship, or stay and start reciprocating from now on .
She’s just telling the truth. I understand you’re upset, but your not always the victim in every situation. She was clearly frustrated aswell.
Grow up before u have a relationship. She isn’t obligated to give u anything if she’s not receiving anything in turn lol. U asked her for the truth n got upset, sure its not something everyone likes to hear, but if she’s upset w u, u should respect that and try to do better. Idk, just sounds like u shouldn’t be w her cos ur leaving her high n dry then expect her to be ok giving to u all the time. Just seems v weird.
rough huh. it hurts when you try to share how you feel and they just shut you down like that. you deserve a bit more care and clarity bro
I mean realistically if she’s making you cum every time you have sex and you aren’t doing the same for her then that is incredibly selfish and she is well within her right to tell you the truth about that. If you don’t like her answer, i’d look at changing your behaviour and taking more of an interest in her pleasure, rather than just focusing on your own. You’re very young and honestly this is just typical teenage male behaviour, but if you want your relationships to last you need to take your girlfriend’s wishes into account and try not to be so self-centred in future.