I 22m and my 20f girlfriend have been together for 3 years. 2 years ago we moved out of state (1500 miles) from home and a few months ago she ended up going back to her hometown to visit family for an event. While she was gone I found texts on our laptop we share with her ex. For context he has caused multiple problems with our relationship constantly reaching out, over stepping boundaries, and her lying about it when confronted. We talked through all these issues and I thought they were resolved. When she left she asked me what to do if she runs into him. We decided that she would leave and do what she wants to do. Anyway I saw texts showing that she was reaching out to him to meet up, and plan a time to meet. I luckily had a friend who also saw them and sent me proof. When confronted she said it was impulse decision and doesn’t know why she did it. She had him at her house and I don’t know if she asked him there or not. She said that he didn’t know he was there. This morning I saw texts that she keeps thinking about him and what happened, her friends responses were September (she’s going back for a wedding). I haven’t talked to her yet we are having some issues also. What should I do?
I’ve been thinking of letting it go, confronting her, or seeing if she does it again?
Sorry for the ramble any advice would be great thank you
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You don’t need to wait and see if she does it again she already did. She lied, crossed a clear boundary, and now she’s still thinking about him and possibly planning more. That’s not a relationship built on trust.
You deserve someone who chooses you fully, not just when it’s convenient. It’s okay to love her and still realize this isn’t healthy for you anymore. Confront her if you need closure, but don’t let loyalty keep you in a loop that’s hurting you. You already have the answer now it’s about choosing what’s best for you.
The hardest part isn’t the betrayal, it’s realizing someone you gave your whole heart to still hasn’t closed the door on someone who broke theirs. You deserve to be someone’s peace, not their backup plan.
You’ve had discussions about him multiple times. You discussed what to do IF she runs into him.
You caught her reaching out to him. You have proof they were together.
Knowing it would hurt you, she reached out to him.
I wouldn’t be sitting around waiting for someone to hurt me again when it’s been discussed at length and in no uncertain terms that this would hurt me.
You don’t deserve to be her backup plan. If you were really her first choice, it wouldn’t be that hard to stop talking to him.
I’m going to be honest, it sounds like she’s using you as a backup. Normally I’d say work it out but she’s crossed a line twice at this point, he’s continuously causing issues, and your trust has been broken multiple times.
Don’t even wait again. I’d break up with her personally, this type of stuff isn’t worth the hassle and obviously she’s just going to go behind your back again, so why keep putting yourself here? Why waste the energy when you can focus on yourself and find someone who won’t do this stuff and that you can trust?
Best of luck, I hope it works out
It’s not her ex that’s the problem, Your girlfriend doesn’t respect you.
Omg break up! Why are you with someone who is WILLINGLY still in contact with their ex AND set up time to meet up with them behind YOUR back? Grow a back bone a bit and end it. Seriously. The fact she cannot drop her ex should feel hurtful and disgusting to you. Let her miserable self have her lil ex back since she wants him so much. You can find so much better.
Look, I know it’s a hard decision, It really is, so it doesn’t surprise me when you say “or see if she does it again?”. But deep you know what you have to do. She broke your trust and betrayed you. Even if you decided to stay, that would hunt you everytime you would look at her. It is really sad, but you gotta let her go.
You said she’s the only thing you have.
THAT is your problem.
Find something else to occupy your time and energy with.
She’s a black hole that is taking away the best years of your life.
It can be much, much better.
I would not keep her as a girlfriend, she seemingly loves the other guy more than you. Let her go. If you do t want to live alone e in that state then move back where you have relatives or friends. Or decide to stay and make alit if effort to start a life there on your own. She misses him too much and not being honest about it.
It’s gonna be brutal and it’s gonna be very hard for you obviously being in a new new place, but you have to do it, buddy and find someone nice because this girl is clearly not very nice
Build a new life without her, you deserve better that her.