21M / 20F – Together for almost 2 years
My girlfriend (20F) and I (21M) have been together for nearly two years. This isn’t my first relationship, but it’s been going really well so far.
Our sex life was never a problem. We’ve always had a pretty “open” dynamic — not with other people, but in the sense that we explored each other in many different ways, both physically and emotionally. Personally, I really enjoy sex that isn’t strictly heteronormative, especially when she takes the lead. Of course, we also had more “traditional” encounters, but with a nice balance of more exciting or experimental moments, which I deeply appreciated.
However, for the past few months, she’s become less and less sexually proactive. Gradually, our intimacy has settled into a strictly “classic” routine. I’ve tried initiating things differently, bringing in new ideas, but I keep getting shut down or we just revert to the usual.
We’ve talked about it multiple times. What came out of it is that she doesn’t really feel the desire anymore — and she doesn’t know why. She wishes she still wanted to, but she just can’t seem to reignite that spark.
It’s weighing on her because she feels like she can’t share that kind of desire with me anymore, even though she wishes she could.
And even though I’ve tried to stop expecting anything, I just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s always on my mind, and now I feel constantly frustrated.
My question is:
Is there a way for me to detach from this desire so it doesn’t consume me?
Or, on the other hand, is there something I could try to help her reconnect with hers?
TL;DR: We’ve been together for almost 2 years. Sex used to be open and fulfilling, now it’s become routine and one-sided. She doesn’t feel desire anymore and doesn’t know why. I’m constantly thinking about it and feeling frustrated.
Can I let go of this desire or help her reconnect with hers?
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Your gf doesn’t want to perform for you anymore. Sex does not stay spicy and exciting for the entire relationship the way it may have during the honeymoon phase where she felt the pressure to be freaky and impress you. Maybe accept the relationship has evolved or reflect on what you’re now doing differently that she no longer feels comfortable.
If she’s lost the desire completely, it’s either hormonal or emotional. Hormonal is gonna be easier to address. Have her go to her gyn to talk about it. There’s lots of reasons her T could be low and its a relatively easy fix.
All the fun will fade. So, don’t be fixated to your ideas unless you want to practice them with a different woman. You said she lost interest in having sex with you. Did you mean she didn’t want to do it or she still wanted to do it but not taking the lead? It’d be nice if she took the lead every time. But if she doesn’t, then don’t expect her to do it. As long as she still wants to do it with you, traditional positions are still good. You can improvise and make them non traditional.
Do acts of service for her, compliment her during the day, be sweet, most womens arousal comes from emotional needs being met