I never thought I’d be the guy posting something like this, but here we are.
Last night, my girlfriend came over to my apartment after work. Everything seemed normal. We ordered food, watched a few episodes of some trashy reality show she likes, and chilled on the couch. Around midnight, she realized she left her phone charger at home and asked to borrow mine.
I told her I hadn’t seen it all day, thought it might’ve been in my backpack or at the office. That’s when it started.
She got super annoyed, like visibly irritated, muttering stuff under her breath like, “You never take care of your stuff.” I brushed it off, thinking she was tired. I offered to go check my car, but she said, “Don’t bother. You probably lost it, like everything else.”
So I laughed. Not in a mocking way just like, “Come on, it’s a charger. Relax.” Bad move apparently.
She stood up, walked over to me, and straight-up punched me and hit me multiple times in the side of the head. I didn’t even process it at first. It wasn’t a slap or a push, a punch. Full closed-fist jab to my ear and jaw. I stood up, completely stunned, and asked what the hell that was for. She just said, “You don’t take anything seriously,” then stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door.
I packed her stuff into a tote bag, left it by the door, and told her to leave when she was ready. She did about 10 minutes later. No apology. No explanation. Nothing.
Now today, she’s texting like none of it happened. Sent me a meme. Asked what I’m doing later.
I’ve never been hit in a relationship before. I honestly don’t know how to react. Is this a one-off? Is it already past the line?
Would really appreciate some perspective from anyone who’s been through something similar.
Comments
She hit you once she’s going to hit you again. Especially since there’s no apology or even acknowledgment on her end of what she did to you.
How many times does a woman have to put her hands on you before you call it quits?
I’ve been hit a lot, bitten even.
It never bothered me much, since its not like she could actually hurt me. If it really annoyed me, than I would usually take her hands and not let go until she calms down.
But hey, that’s just me. If this bothers you more than me, than tell her to not do it again, or else there will be concequences.
I don’t even have to read the rest, the title is enough. No excuses for hitting you and no apology will undo the trauma. Like all abusers, if she did it once, she will do it again.
You did good to pack her stuff and tell her to leave. That is how to protect yourself.
Does she have a key to your place? If so get the landlord to change the locks.
You could file a police report for assault if you want to and an order of protection/restraining order.
For more info and for emotional support there is also the domestic violence hotline (This is American nationwide: https://www.thehotline.org/ ) if you aren’t in America I can help you to hopefully find a similar resource.
Abusers may also try to flip the script and claim you abused her. So reporting early before she does that on you can help protect you. If you have marks or bruises take photos.
You do not owe her an in-person breakup. It is not safe. I’d encourage breaking up over text and then blocking her. Save any texts she sends about her hitting you.
If you’ve got pals or family around that could stay with you or that you could crash with for a little bit that is a consideration for your safety and to have witnesses around if she comes around your place trying to get in.
Let someone in your life know. And if you aren’t ready to talk to people you could even say “I am not ready to talk about it yet, but I am going through hard times right now” But naming her and what she did could be the most useful.
Even if she apologizes (which she didn’t) her behavior does not just change overnight, that is the kind of stuff that takes year of her working at it in therapy to learn coping skills and recognize that she is hurting others. And figuring out non-abusive ways to react to daily shit. No need to stick around for that.
Every person in this world deserves a partner who has never hit them, that includes you!
She could’ve killed you mate if you’d fallen. Id withdraw from that relationship asap
It’ll only get worse. She’ll escalate and accuse you of beating on her, etc get out while you’re still alive.
This has long been a pet peeve of mine that some women will hit you knowing that you can’t hit back.
Once the ljne is crossed there is no going back, If the genders were reversed people would be screaming for you to go to the police, as your a bloke it’s a waste of time….but staying with her would be stupid
You did everything what you should. Block her and forget. Next time she will kill you for more stupid reasons.
That’s a no go. She will only escalate from there. It is acceptable to her, this behavior, obviously learned. You want no part of that. The police will never believe you and you will be charged eventually. Separate, immediately. I’m sorry that happened to you. Now you must protect yourself by disconnecting from that behavior. Good luck and god bless you.
just tell her to never contact you again and don’t look back
The first time they hit you is the LAST time they hit you. Full stop, no tolerance, no excuses
Dude, its NOT normal to get mad over tiny things like that, let alone punch somebody like she did. She sounds a lot like an abuser, she lashes out over nothing, doesn’t apologize and act like nothing happened the next day. File a police report and leave.
Never EVER trust people that lose their minds over tiny things let alone punch you. The audacity of people like her need to be studied.
That would be her first time AND last time for me.
Drop her like IQ you lose watching that reality show she liked. Op breakup immediately send her a text explaining why make sure all of her shit is out of your apartment. Block her, inform your close friends and family you broke up with her. She starts anything ignore her and do not under any circumstances let her back into your life. Get a doorbell cam or inside camera with audio incase something happens you can put your phone call on speaker and the camera can record. Do not delete any texts or voicemail she leaves you, that is evidence any threats file a police report, if it gets worse go to police again file another with more evidence. You build a paper trail, hopefully you don’t have to go this route.
This won’t be the first time that she does this to you. Leave her and block her on everything. You deserve better.
Get photographs of your injuries. Make a statement to the police even if you don’t want to press charges.
Break up with her. Change the locks. If your neighbors have keys to your home and you want them to have the new keys, too, make sure they know not to ever let this person in.
Install cameras in case she decides to come back for round two.
If she knows where you work, take her picture to your job and let them know not to let her in becauseshe is a safety risk and could attack someone. Block her on all social media.
If she has a key to your car, get the key back. If you can’t get the key back, consider hiding the car until you can have the lock changed. She could potentially steal your car from work and damage, hide, or wreck it if you leave it there.
People like this sometimes get up to some seriously crazy shit when they are cut off. Take care of yourself.
Run away. This type of thing isn’t ever a one off.
You misspelled ex-girlfriend
OoO. Holy shit, that’s super fucked up. That’s unexcusable behaivor
You should have rocked her. If a female ever starts hitting my son, he better defend himself.
You have every right to defend yourself and/or call the police in any and every situation.
End this relationship. It’ll happen again. She’s unstable and can’t be trusted.
Get her to admit to it in writing and take that to the police. After that, LEAVE her.
She is abusive, sees no issue with it at all, and feels ENTITLED to hit you full fisted when she’s mad.
Leave now before you start a family and she does this to your kids. (She will.)
Stop seeing this girl – dump her. You could report her for assault to the police too if you feel like it. Because that is what that was and she needs the consequence. But don’t see her anymore. Bonus points for pressing charges
You SHOULD file a police report, but bare minimum, you block her and never speak to her again.
Here’s the thing: If she gets angry, she can claim that YOU abused her and ruin your life. Please don’t assume she would never do such a thing.
Do you have any visible marks? I strongly recommend photos, and I recommend filing a police report ASAP. You can tell them that you’re not expecting her to be arrested, but you want to be protected.
She’s crazy. Protect yourself.
Being laughed at is my line, when I’m dead serious and the other person laughs. It’s over. That’s why I’m not in a relationship.
Be the first time and last time that ever happens. That’s not just crossing a line, that blowing by it and continuing into the next county.
Change the locks and tell her to fuck off.
Let me get you the experience of someone who went to something eerily similar.
Those things don’t stop, they escalate, specially because we don’t seek/get hell. This will not get better only worse. And like it happened to me it could happen to you. It could very well end up in a murder attempt like it happened with my ex, if not for the maids it would have ended with me in a cold drawer.
Get as far away as you can, a restriction order too if you are able too. It will hurt a lot, but your relationship is dead, she killed it, make sure you are not the next victim.
Do you guys run in the same circles?
The fact that she acted like nothing happened the next day shows this was more than just her being unable to control her temper.
Which wouldn’t be okay in that case either; but this is worse. You can definitely expect a looot more violence from a person like that in the future if you were to stay with her.
She sounds like she has disorders you cannot fix. Block her and feel how comfortable a house is without the fear of being punched for forgetting a charger.
She’s abusive. This is not a one off. It will only continue to get worse. Change the locks on your doors, block her number and if you start getting bunny in the pot vibes get a restraining order.