Hi everyone. This is my first post on Reddit, and English isn’t my first language, so I’m sorry in advance if anything sounds odd.
I (24M) have been in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend (22F) for 8 years. We’ve always had a very respectful and healthy relationship. We live together, support each other’s space and independence, and people often see us as a strong couple.
About a year and a half ago, she vaguely mentioned that something uncomfortable had happened to her, something she described as “similar to harassment.” I asked a few times if she wanted to talk more, but she kept saying she was fine and didn’t want to go into it. I tried to respect that, even though it stayed in the back of my mind and bothered me a lot.
Recently, we had a serious conversation about our relationship. We’ve had some issues resurface from the past, and we talked about whether we should break up or try to fix things. We agreed to try working things out. Later that same day, she sat down with me and finally explained what had actually happened.
She told me the incident occurred during one of her tattoo sessions — she has a few tattoos, almost all done by the same artist. One of them is a large piece that took two sessions. During that process, the artist crossed some serious boundaries. She explained that she froze and didn’t know how to react. She has a pattern of staying silent in uncomfortable situations, even when someone crosses the line, possibly due to some past trauma. She said she doesn’t like confrontation, doesn’t want to be seen as “mean,” and tends to put other people’s comfort above her own safety.
What’s really confusing and painful for me is that, after this happened, she stayed in contact with the artist and even got another tattoo from him. I don’t understand why. She told me it’s hard for her to say “no,” even when she should. I don’t blame her at all for what happened — I made that clear. But I’m struggling with the emotional weight of it all.
I’ve told her that this habit of staying silent to protect others, even people who hurt her, might eventually ruin our relationship. I also encouraged her to seek professional help. She told me I should help her, but I’m really not sure what more I can do.
Thanks for reading.
TL;DR:
My girlfriend recently opened up about being abused by someone she got a tattoo from. After the incident, she kept in contact with him and even got another tattoo. She has a hard time saying no and avoids confrontation, likely due to past trauma. I don’t blame her, but I’m struggling with how to support her while also dealing with my own confusion and hurt.