I (39) female has been in a relationship now with (31) female for 4 years now. She has four kid ages from 13 to 4.My daughter passed 5years ago. The past two months I have noticed odd behavior. It all started when she told me that her ex had made contact and wanted to be friends with her again . I felt iffy about that because it takes major maturity and growth to Just be friends with an ex. She said that if I wanted to meet her i could so I can get a feel if she is being sincere about friendship or not. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the idea. one day she was showing me a video that she liked on Tik tok and her ex had send message to her . When I asked her about it she flipped out. She stated that she had a spouse and it wasn’t anything like I’m assuming.
Well not even a few days later her ex showed up as people you may know on Facebook. One thing I regret was clicking on her profile. The first thing I read on her ex page was in 2022 she found out she had herpes and was non asymptomatic. I know they havnt been together since her early 20’s but still it put a bad taste in my mouth. I talked to her and she swore that they havnt done anything since they were last together. Idk if I believe her. Intimacy has come to a complete stop since than . Thankfully I get checked regularly and receive a full panel so I know I’m safe . I’ve started loosing trust in here cause the kids have told me that’s they talk all day while I’m at work.
Than kn tip of that she quit her job recently and now all she does is play on her pc from the time she wakes til the time she goes to bed. The kids don’t even ask her for anything they always go to me. Those kids love me and I love them . I really don’t know what to do because I make sure that I give them all the stars in the sky and more. Some may not agree with my lifestyle and that okay. I just need advice if it’s worth trying it so these kids don’t loose the the parent that hears and sees them when the rest of the world is in the video game
My girlfriend would rather be gaming on her pc than be present in me and our kids lives….
r/Advice
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It kind of sounds to me like she might be involved in an emotional affair. I haven’t ever been in one while I was with someone else, but I’ve definitely been involved in emotional relationships through online gaming, and I can tell you that the symptoms are definitely similar: disinterest in the world around you, even the insanely important things.. total devotion to being online and in the game.. heavy investment both mentally and physically.. ignoring real life relationships and obligations.. financial investment, etc.
I would definitely not turn a blind eye toward this, OP.
She sounds depressed
It looks like your girlfriend is looking for the exit and a way back to her ex.
Strongly suggest couples counselling to see if she’ll open up on her disengaging from the relationship.
It may be a passing crush.
It may not.
Best of luck.
Sounds like she’s conflating disassociating for “peace”. She wants you to feel the way she’s feeling which is cut off.
As a passive listener when you wanted her to not engage with her ex, she couldn’t tell you how that makes her feel so instead she’s showing you. Find a way to communicate and express these feelings so they aren’t repressed.