We know each other since we were 16 and had a little thing back then, after that we drifted apart, because that’s how life is. We got in touch through LinkedIn of all places again last summer and had a casual relationship after that. That is seeing each other once a month or going on short trips together because we live in different countries now. The feelings got more intense with each meeting and the last time we met, last month, we decided to become exclusive. She then asked me to stop going to parties and stop talking to other girls because she don’t believe a boy and a girl can be friends and also to unfollow all girls from my inactive instagram profile and in return she would do the same and even let me look at her chats, give me her password etc. So I did. Initially I didn’t even want her password cuz I think it’s too much, so I just started scrolling in her chats and initially she didn’t mind, until I opened a chat with some guy, she then pulled her phone from me and I felt betrayed immediately. She said that it didn’t matter and that it was from last month before we were exclusive so I swallowed it. Then I asked her to at least unfollow all boys, like I did. That was also a problem for her, cuz some of these boys were actually friends, kind of… and she had some use of them, she said. Ok, whatever. Now she’s the one going out and about and going to a party tonight so I think that after all, she should give me her password but she don’t want to do it anymore, main reason being, she doesn’t want me to see her chats with her girlfriends, which wasn’t a problem when I looked before and she actually occasionally sends me screenshots from those chats without me asking (I don’t mind but also don’t care). She says I always want things and should stop wanting anything. The problem is not that I don’t trust her,
it’s because I feel dismissed and disrespected. Are my feelings valid?
TL;DR, I do what she wants, she doesn’t, saying it’s different and I’m too controlling
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Run. That’s the answer. Even ignoring the double standard, don’t ever be in a relationship where you’re forbidden to have a life outside of her.
But yes, there’s a double standard, which just shows she’s full of shit. Add in the messages situation (which when you’re in a situation where you even feel a need to ask, it’s already over), and this unfortunately is an “easy” (in quotes, because I get that it’s logically not easy) decision. Time to go.
You shouldn’t trust her. But you are also dismissed and disrespected. If you’re just seeking validation, you got it, but just know that if your plan is to use that to try to “win” an argument, you’re going to be right back to square one. So again, leave. Good luck.
She is a hot mess and needs to work on whatever unhealed trauma she has from childhood. She is not a functioning capable partner. You’ll need to look into why you are attracted to someone like this and why you would just roll over on her over the top request instead of honoring yourself.
These posts are as frustrating as they are fascinating. What answer are you looking for? Do you think someone here is going to say something that excuses her behavior?
At best she’s unaware of herself and dishonest. At worst she’s a controlling narcissist. There’s zero reason to be with her.
Please dump this train wreck of a woman and dont even bother looking back. This rules for thee but not for me shit shouldnt be flying. Either that or quit being a pussy and do what you wanna do. Two can play at the game shes playing.
I keep seeing this kind of posts where OP thinks it’s normal for someone to let their significant other control their social life. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing (I’m not from the US) but I just can’t believe the “unfollow all your girls” or “stop seeing your friends” stuff. That’s just crazy to me. I couldn’t make something like that work, OP, and with her double standards… you already know what to do.
Looks like you are the only exclusive one in this relationship. Time to move on.
All you had to do was start laughing and say “Hell, no! Trust me or fuck off” when she began her list of paranoid insanely controlling demands. She’s useless as a girlfriend; break up. She’s likely cheating on you anyway.
Tell her: “You told me that boys and girls can’t be just friends. So what are you? A giant hypocrite? Or did you just need me to cut off all my female friends because you don’t trust me? Or is it because you know from first hand experience and I shouldn’t trust you?”
Sorry to say but I don’t think that your relationship will last much longer. The chat she didn’t want you to read because that was last month and we weren’t exclusive then says it all – at least until last month she kept seeing other guys than you. And it doesn’t sound like she has given up on that.
You need to show her you aren’t going to be bullied by her. Until you do, she will keep walking all over you. Add those girls back. And now she is going out to a party without you? Dude, cmon. You said you don’t trust her so why stay with her?
If you’re so stubborn to continue this relationship, you have to stop giving her the upper hand. Once she realizes you aren’t going to roll over like a good little boy, the dynamic will change. She may leave you so be prepared for that. Or she may actually start to respect you more.
One of my exes was a super hypocrite as well. She could have male friends, but God forbid I had a girl as a friend, even if we knew each other and were already friends. She would post fake crap on Facebook to make us look super in love all the time. Tried to out compete my brother’s wife by wanting to have a baby first even though we weren’t married. Made me feel bad about my past relationships, even though she was the 3rd girl I ever slept with and she had at least 15 partners she had sex with before me(more of you take out the actual sex part and count mouth/hand stuff lmao). She would make me feel bad about the girls I slept with, but if I tried to bring up the guys she slept with in defense of myself, she would get even more offended. We got a puppy together, which she was responsible for dying by leaving the gate open, i chased after her, but she got hit by a car before i could get her. She then made me get a new dog within 2 weeks and after driving to Pennsylvania and not getting a puppy becuase i realized it was a puppy mill, she made me think she was gonna break up with me for the next 3 days before we went and got a different puppy. I eventually left her, but I should have done it sooner.
A relationship without trust isn’t worth having.
She was clearly fucking dudes while yall were trying to get serious, she is a hypocrite and is probably still hoeing around. Zero reason to be with her.
I promise the bare minimum she is giving to your relationship and female would do. Move on
Run. Fly. Teleport. Swim. Crawl. AWAY FROM HER
She d9esnt want an equal partner. She wants some9ne who will do whatever she says.
Break up and move on. This relationship will only bring misery.
Let me tell my side of the story as his girlfriend.
It’s not true that I don’t let him go out—I do.
He doesn’t have female friends. He had an empty Instagram account where he followed me and about 10 other girls he wasn’t actually friends with but had a sexual interest in (some of them were OF creators). He has no real friends and goes to parties where he sleeps with random girls, yet I still trust him and let him go out.
He’s insecure (he has never been before in a serious relationship before and I’m the first girl he is dating exclusively) in my opinion he is trying to sabotage our relationship because it’s long-distance. A lot of what he wrote is distorted. I told him that if he wants, he can choose who I unfollow on Instagram (which would be equivalent to what I asked of him), but instead, he wants full access to everything on my phone. That’s strange because he’s supposed to trust me.
On top of that, he wants to see old messages from when we weren’t even together (I don’t want to see his). Ever since we started dating, he keeps demanding things. He asked me to cut off my ex, who is just a friend (and he knows that)—so I did. But he keeps pushing for more.
His version of the story is exaggerated to fit the narrative he wants people to hear.