My grandmother is always negative about me, I slowly accepted that part of her since people around me tell that she can’t change. She misses my late step-grandfather and constantly tells me that if he didn’t die, I would’ve been more “behaved”. Mind you, I was 12 when she said those.
At the age of 5-6, my stepgrandad would constantly hit me and m*lest me in the bedroom even while my grandmother is at home, oblivious to the event. As I grew, the abuse increased and my family would go on fights all the time, our neighbors would complain about the noise.
Years later, at the age of 11-12 my step grandad went to a motorcycle accident, which flew him 5 meters away and the ground hit his skull. The news came up to my family and I couldn’t react but felt relieved.
My grandmother grieved and attended his funeral while I was at home, feeling a sense of safety after the constant abuse. But at the same time, I felt guilty for not feeling any grief to my step grandad.
After that, I decided to keep the whole m*lestation part a secret to myself. I have told a few friends but they don’t understand that sense yet since we were still kids. And as I grew, my grandmother slowly began to change like my step grandad, they became similar. But to this day, she still doesn’t know what he has done to me.
As a girl, my grandmother normalized shaming me for trying to “gain attention” to the boys when that isn’t the case, she thinks I sexualize myself, she would talk to the neighbors about things that shouldn’t be public. Talks about how I don’t know how to clean my underwear, how I always touch myself and how bad I smell. That made my situation worse when I was supposed to be a social butterfly. I have to admit, I was a rebellious girl at that time because of the constant hate I get just from her. I would always tell her to shut up and be rude to her because she couldn’t stop screaming at me. I don’t know if i’m slowly starting to become the person I hate becoming.
By the time I write this, i’m about to graduate from junior high school. I will change schools and move out of my grandmother’s house and live with my parents. I hope this time I can properly be at peace and change myself to be better before I become worse…
Comments
That’s horrible, I’m really sorry this has happened to you.
My grandmother’s husband drunkenly assaulted meand I decided to report it to the police. My grandmother’s only concern was protecting him from any kind of consequences, trying to guilt me into restricting the complaint and desperately trying to get me to attend a gathering where she could take pictures of me and him to make it look like my account was exaggerated.
Life is too short to let people mistreat you, even if they are family. If you can’t cut her off, just grey rock her. There should also be child protection charities that can give you advice anonymously.
Sorry for what your grandmother did to you, i believe her behavior is a reflection of her own struggles, but that doesn’t excuse her actions. What she did to you, is not your fault. You’re not defined by moments of anger or by the past. I hope you find the peace and healing you deserve.
I’m sorry your grandma sounds like an absolute piece of work and I hope you have other positive adults in your life. You deserve better then that