I’ve been married for four months, and this isn’t the first post I’ve made about this. Last time I deleted it for fear he’d see it, but today it happened again, and I simply need to vent. Our sex is great, but it happens once a week, and not every week, always because I seek him out. He simply never wants to have sex. I can wear lingerie and perfume, try to kiss and seduce, but he says he doesn’t want to, and that’s it. I take care of myself, I shave, I do my hair, I always wear makeup, I have a beautiful body, beautiful hair, I think I’m beautiful. But when he looks at me and says
“I don’t want to today,” it destroys me. I feel rejected and like the ugliest woman in the world. I’ve asked him to go to the doctor for tests to see if he has a low test result, but he says he forgets to make an appointment and never goes. This was already happening before the marriage, but now it’s gotten worse, and the denials have become more frequent. I regret getting married. If I could go back in time, I would end the engagement, but now I feel trapped in this wedding where my husband isn’t showing up. What do you think?
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Maybe a porn addiction?
You are going to have to decide if this marriage is sustainable for you. If his desire doesn’t change and he refuses to address it, can you accept that long-term? It’s not about blame, it’s about compatibility and willingness to work on things. You certainly don’t deserve to feel rejected and invisible in your own marriage.
I think he may be anti sexual or gay. This is NOT normal at 28M to have no libido. Or, he has a side piece and too exhausted to do it again. Check his phone dear.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. You both are just not sexually compatible. It seems you just married, its better to split up before you get much invested in the marriage. You are lucky you don’t have kids.
You simple can’t change him and neither yourself and will always feel disappointed, depressed and invalidated. You can take couple counselling and try to meet in the middle but whatever you do be fully satisfied with each other before having kids.
He is silently Gay , u shud talk to him about it
He sounds young to need testosterone but he def should get it looked into. My guy goes to a men’s health center, it’s all manly looking in there with the decor lol. He’s completely different now. Sleeps better too!
Make an appointment for him. If he won’t take the step you should. If he still doesn’t put in the effort to fix the marriage you should leave. You tried but you can’t force him to put in effort. Find someone more sexually compatible, and don’t second guess your gut again.
Don’t have children with this man. It is time to have some honest discussions where you ask him every question you are most afraid to ask.
Have you considered that he may be asexual?
That was my ex. Honestly. It has to do with comparability. I was miserable when it came to my sex life with my ex. I wanted sex frequently and he didn’t. And when I would bring up but you masturbate and he would say well because you’re not here. And I’m like just wait till I’m here and he just would stay quiet. Honestly. It hurts. But the truth is its compatibility.
Do you think you may be able to find a way to decouple your self-esteem and self-confidence from his low sexual desire as a reflection of your attractiveness ?
He may indeed find you incredibly beautiful and attractive, but if his body and/or mind isn’t lusting for sex, he may be proud to have you on his arm in a non-sexual sort of way but not naturally crave to have you in bed often.
It doesn’t say anything about how attractive you are. Some people just have lower sexual desire and libido.
Of course, that might not work for you if you crave contact and you need to feel desired more.
Bit of a shame. It’s hard to find someone who aligns on that level perfectly.
You’re not trapped. If you’re unhappy and regret the marriage then leave. It best to do it now than wait in misery for years when things will be way more complicated and enmeshed.
Updateme
95% of comments here are clearly women. Here straight facts from a man.
Firstly he’s not rejecting you. So many things can be going on.
Stress at work or finances
Hormones are out.
Tiered this will kill a guys drive fast.
Test levels been low this will effect all of the above.
You need to approach this gently and supporting him
Same issue with my girlfriend, I know her sex drive isn’t high but it still hurts being rejected most of the time you try. I stopped trying and just wait for it but it’s gotten really bad recently, once a month is a miracle.
I tried to talk, helped for a few days and now we’re back at ground zero but worse, it’s like she has 2 sex personalities as well and I’m lowkey scared of bringing it up because she’ll get mad.
(using this acc because she knows my other one 😐 )
Why did you marry him?? Sorry, is better to get a divorce
You can get an annulment.