My husband is a classic “mumma’s boy.” Every morning, he calls his mother to talk about the previous day — and since we got married 3 years ago (arranged marriage, met on our wedding day), their conversations have mostly centered on what I said or did.
I’m independent, opinionated, highly educated, and a feminist. His family’s women are the opposite and struggle to understand or accept me. My husband has no real friends; his only confidante is his mother. He repeats whatever she says and mimics her thinking. When he was briefly too busy to talk to her daily, we were at our happiest as a couple.
Now, her constant indirect interference is straining our relationship. I want him to realize he can’t involve his mother in every aspect of our marriage. I do love him, and we have a child — so I want to avoid divorce — but this can’t continue.
He insists I “tell my mom everything,” which is false. We live with my mum, so she sometimes picks up on our moods and checks in. She tries to support both of us and often sides with him. But he assumes she’s in on every argument and then involves her himself — only to blame me for it later. When I explain that she doesn’t know the details, he refuses to believe me.
His mother, meanwhile, never listens to my side. She believes he’s always right and makes things worse. Every time he visits her, we end up fighting — not because I can’t handle him seeing his family (as they claim), but because afterward, he returns home saying something sexist or comparing me to his mother or sisters, which triggers conflict.
I want to show him this post. I’d really appreciate outside perspectives on whether I’m being unreasonable, or if this level of maternal involvement is truly crossing a line.
Tldr- My husband talks to his mother every day and shares everything I say or do. He has no friends and treats her like his emotional partner. Her opinions shape his behavior, and it’s causing serious issues in our marriage. I don’t involve my mom like he claims, and his mom constantly escalates conflicts. I love him and want to avoid divorce for our child’s sake, but I need him to stop involving his mother in our relationship. Looking for outside advice to help him understand.
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You are right, you need outside help from a licensed therapists. Best of luck ❤️
So you’re married and have a kid and live with your mom?He calls his mom every single morning to report the previous day? Sounds like you both need to grow up.
It honestly doesn’t sound like there’s much there worth saving. It doesn’t sound like he was ready to get married. Maybe he should climb back into the womb a little longer and you should go find an actual grown man to marry instead.
This isn’t healthy. Your husband needs to take a break from his mom as a trial. The only person who should be offering him opinions daily is you.
If he insists on calling his mom daily, make it a joint call on speaker phone with you both present. Talk about the kid or work. And make sure he doesn’t tell his mom why she’s suddenly on speakerphone.
i understand there are cultural differences on the topic of marriage, and i’m coming from an american perspective. but i feel like a common theme across all monogamous cultures is that marriage is supposed to mean partners honor each other no matter what, right? your spouse and the family that you build together are supposed to be your highest priorities.
you’re not being prioritized at all, and that’s not okay. he married YOU, he had a child with YOU, not his mother. it sounds like one of those emotionally incestuous mother/son relationships which is honestly gross lol. i know you don’t want to divorce but if he doesn’t take you seriously with involving his mother less, and if he doesn’t start prioritizing you and his child, then at that point your choice to stay means you have basically lost all self respect for yourself. and you are teaching your child that staying with a partner who treats them like trash is okay.
you deserve so much better than this. if my tone comes across as frustrated or angry, it’s because i’m disgusted that a grown man is treating his wife this way. i hope that whatever happens, you find the support to get you through. and for the record, when it comes to “saving the marriage,” HE has a LOT more weight to pull than you.
I don’t get the point. His mom turns him into sexist?🙄🙄🙄
Well, you may try to become his head woman instead his mom🤔
There’s really nothing you can do to make him change his mind on this. He’s going to call his mom every day. And if your mom is actually living with you, that’s a lot of involvement from her, whether you see it or not. Just be glad you’re not living with his mom instead?
I suggest you stop hoping he’ll change and stop hoping for a perfect happy marriage. Try for neutral.
In case you didn’t know the terms, he is triangulating his mother into your relationship. You can read up on family systems therapy to learn more about it.
It was an arranged marriage, you didn’t pick him knowing he was like this. Honestly, most of the world struggle to imagine an arranged marriage. What advice to give if you committed to a stranger? Arranged marriages enable bad behavior like this because there is no incentive to be better to attract a mate.
Talk to him if he can’t grow up and stop running to mommy then walk away
What can you do to save your marriage? Run.
Trust me it never gets better.
AI slop. Why is such an independent, opinionated, highly educated feminist getting married to a mummy’s boy? This is so cliché it’s farcical.
How does an independent, highly educated, feminist end up in an arranged marriage???
Couples therapy and if he doesn’t then leave. You cannot win with a mommas boy.