A few years ago me and my husbands sex life was nearly non-existent due to multiple factors, pregnancy, long term pain from episiotomy, low mood etc so I never wanted sex. Understandably my husband was feeling neglected so he said to me he would love to have a woman on the side that he could sleep with since I was never up for it. I was extremely hurt, I initially agreed but he never done anything, he said it was stupid of him to even consider and the devil got into his head and he would never want to ruin our marriage.
Our sex life has improved but recently he made a comment saying that he would never leave me but he would like to experience what it is like with someone else as a one off. I feel like this idea is never going to be completely out of his head until he has gave it ago, his head seems to be all over the place regarding it. He is muslim so I know that more that one woman can be normal in his religion. Im just lost about what to do. We were young when we got together and he never slept around like many of his friends did so i am not sure if he feels like he missed out
Advice please
Comments
Divorce him so that he can have all the sex he wants.
Ask him how he would feel if you wanted someone else as a one off.
Honestly he probably has someone picked out that he has already slept with or is planning to.
He just wants you to be okay with his cheating.
The fact he’s thinking this, he will probably pursue it if you say no, but try to be discrete.
Think long and hard about it all.
If you are willing to let him it could help your relationship but he has to be willing to let you as well. Sounds like he may do it eventually behind your back anyway.
If you aren’t ok with it though tell him no you aren’t comfortable. Maybe couples counseling would be beneficial
Tell him you will discuss this with his mother first.
You can’t prevent him from cheating, if that’s what he really wants to do. It sounds like he’s not willing to let the idea go. If you can’t live with it, you need to start looking into the procedure for getting a divorce and just brace yourself so you’ll be ready when the time comes.
Stick to your guns, this only works if you’re happy about the thought of him with someone else and realise once you open Pandora’s box, you don’t close it. Is he willing to let you explore to? Even if you might not want to…how would he feel about that? I think once someone vocalises this kinda thing, they’re on a slippery slope to doing it…with or without consent.
tell him if that’s the case, then you want to open the marriage & also get to sleep with other people.
If he wants to step out to have a different sexual experience and you obviously are not open to that and would be extremely hurt leave him. Then he can have that experience. Otherwise he needs to get over this fantasy and stop bringing it up because it’s hurting you and he needs to respect that.
Ppl love to make this out to something bigger than it is. I’d personally care if my partner wanted to go at it with someone he knows and has an emotional relationship with. If it’s random tinder hookups and he’s safe, why does that mean he loves you less? It doesn’t. And you even said it yourself once he got the green light he backed off. Sometimes it’s just the freedom of choice that someone needs
He’s asking for a hall pass. If he says it’s a one off, you either trust him or you don’t. If you trust him, ask the questions you feel you need to ask and tell him you expect transparency and honesty.
If you don’t trust him, then why are you still married? Long term relationships do not work without unconditional trust
It’s complicated. I think that it will never leave his head and that his experiencing extramarital sex will only fan the flames of desire for more. He is not a bad person for feeling this way. His worth is determined by his behavior and his honesty. None of us, let me repeat, none of us get everything we want. We all make compromises to balance what we need and what we want, never getting all of it. If he can focus on what he has it sounds more hopeful. I know many people are into swinging or polyamory but it doesn’t sound like where you are coming from. If you decide to go that route, educate yourselves together, strategize, and make plans before embarking on extramarital sexual experiences.
If he knew that “the devil got into his head” then he knows these impulses are not ok. To even broach the subject with you as plausible is so disrespectful. Then, for him to admit it was inappropriate and yet bring it up again at a later time is just crazy.
Couple who are ethically non-monogamous would never start the conversation this way. Never from a point-of-view like “you don’t satisfy me and I need to get it somewhere else.” Nope. Any successful open relationship will run much differently. Not saying you want to open things up, but the way he’s talking makes it sound like he’s battling his own demons on whether to do it or not.
I could never devastate my partner’s self esteem in this way. They can never unhear hateful words from someone who claims to love them.
Say, Great, I will find someone on the side, too!
Come on, girl. The bar is literally in hell. Raise that bar and kick this “the-devil-got-in!” man to the curb.
I will be honest – I am personally not someone who believes in open marriages, and I don’t think “the grass is greener elsewhere” thinking leads anywhere good in a committed relationship. Because it is never greener elsewhere. It’s green where you water it.
From an outside perspective, it sounds like your husband is romanticizing the idea of “missing out” which is very different from actually missing something real. It is an fantasy. That itch doesn’t go away by scratching it, in fact, acting on it usually just opens the door to more confusion, resentment, or regret. You have already been through a rough patch together, all totally normal and understandable phases. And it sounds like the both of you got through it.. The fact that he brought up wanting someone else again after all that tells me this isn’t just about sex, it is about his mindset. And to be blunt, it is not fair for you to carry the emotional burden of his “what ifs”
Bottom line: You are allowed to want monogamy. You are allowed to expect emotional and physical loyalty.
If he truly values the life you have built together, he will choose to be all in, not one foot out the door for a hypothetical fling.
Remember what Yoda said? “Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.”
There’s no coming back from this. You are no longer exclusive, and you will have a hard time reconciling after. I would recommend never doing this.
“Sure, but let’s get a post-nup in place first, so your child and I are protected in case you fall in love or she gets pregnant.”
He wasn’t neglected. You carried his child, and had a long recovery from giving birth.
I honestly wasn’t kidding about the post-nup. He’s brought this up more than once, so there’s a better than even chance he’s already slept with someone else. Time to protect yourself and your child financially.
What the fuck. My husband and I are both Muslim and would NEVER say this to the other. And we’ve had a slowww sex life too. This man has issues and you don’t need him in your life.
Wait. You say your sex life has improved yet he wants to find a side chick and have you be ok? I know you said he is Muslim so it’s probs ok in his culture but are you fine with it? Just tell him you want a side too and test his acceptance.
Tell him not to let his fantasy life intrude on your relationship. Ask him if he can decide which is more important. Would he like to hear about all of his intimate personal deficiencies?
I trully believe a man can love his wife with all his heart and fuck a random on the side, its like taking a piss
When your partner wants another person in your marriage, your marriage is person. I bet he already has someone in mind
Do you actually want this to be a part of your relationship? If you’re doing it to “just get it over with”, you will resent him later. If you guys are not willing to put the work into having an open relationship for both, I genuinely don’t see this ending well. So if you’re not down for an open relationship: I would 1. Know your innate value as a person who is deserving of respect and loyalty 2. Sit down and have a conversation with him on how this truly makes you feel 3. Let him know it could cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
Surprised he would cheat bc the Muslim faith has strict doctrine. But this would be your choice to allow him the opportunity. But once may turn to twice or more.
Agree with only condition that u can do that too. I won’t say ruin marriage for something that he haven’t done but if he keeps pushing give him ur rules.