Last night, my husband (39M) went out with friends, which I (31F) don’t mind. All I asked from him to don’t drink and drive, I even told him I could pick him up, it’s not a problem. He came home, he was clearly drunk, he started to puke, and when I got angry, he said he was not drunk, he was just throwing up because he had laid down… It is not the first time this has happened, and I have been begging him for years not to don’t drink and drive. He doesn’t do it often, but it’s really concerning that he doesn’t understand the consequences, and he always says he knows the limits, and I am overreacting. I don’t know what to do. I am furious since it happened, and I am actually considering leaving him. How does he not see the danger of it? How can he risk our life like this?
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It’s just an unnecessary risk to other people on the road. Honestly hun, I think it’s a very valid reason to break up. He could have got an uber or called you to pick him up? Like seriously does this man need to wipe out an entire family or leave someone in a wheelchair before realises he could have killed someone?
Honestly, I would personally reconsider dating an almost 40 year old man who won’t stop drinking and driving.
Personally that would be a dealbreaker for me. Not only was he willing to put his own life at risk, but everybody else’s life on the road with him at risk… Multiple times… After you have already talked to him about this…multiple times.
Would you want to try a couples counseling first? Do you think he has a drinking problem? If he refuses to get any type of help with you, he can’t blame you for divorcing him. Nobody would.
Alcohol use impairs judgment and tanks inhibitions. That’s what it does. Its chemical properties guarantee that. So setting expectations of using good judgment and having good inhibitions while drinking kind of doesn’t make sense. The first drink undermines judgment regarding deciding to have the 2nd, which further undermines inhibitions and judgment regarding deciding to have the 3rd, which further undermines inhibitions and judgment…
When things like this happen, couples and partners need to take a step back and question their own previous position on alcohol entirely. Instead of saying “it’s fine if you drink, as long as you don’t drink and drive,” maybe you need to be thinking it’s not actually fine if he drinks anymore. Events like this usually start couples down an irreversible path of being less and less okay with drinking in general over time. Alcohol is an addictive poison, it’s not a need, it’s a waste of money, it shortens lives, and it risks futures. Sobriety is a gift, not a punishment or deprivation. Consider it and encourage it.
I think everyone has probably been guilty of this more than once. Especially if you were born in the 80s before the time of Uber. There really is no excuse. But I have gotten in my car feeling fine. And by the time I got home I was drunk for sure. I think it was the speed in which I drank and then it hit my system after the decision was made.
Also I can honestly say I have not made a ton of great decisions while drunk. You could chalk it up to that. At the end of the day relationships take grace and forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes. Thankfully he didn’t hurt himself or anyone.
With Uber and Lyft there really isn’t a solid reason why. But I also would not blow up my marriage over it. If it becomes a pattern – that is different.