We have been married 10 years +, Husbands coworker has been extremely over friendly with my husband, telling him very personal details of her life ( she is married with 2 children) ranging from her escapades on nights out, to troubles with her husband /family etc. Lately she had been contacting him on social media which he responded which started inappropriate chat (IMO) telling him “he was way out someones league” , “if we are going to have dinner i can stay over” ( she works in a different city) “i would do anything for you with heart emoji” , that she was going on the contraceptive pill .
During one conversation on social media she was telling him what she would like to do on very special occasions, and what would he like to do on his. She has always been telling him he looks good and that she is initiating invites to have dinner or lunch with him especially on his own. Turning up for dinner all dolled up and in skin tight clothes etc
When i have raised it with him he has said he doesn’t see her that way and is not attracted to her. He passes comments to her such as “she is looking good today” “let’s go for lunch” “missed you” ” yes definitely up for dinner”
Do you think there is anything to this? What can I do to stop this?
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It definitely sounds like a boundary issue. Even if your husband isn’t physically cheating, his behavior—responding to those messages, making flirty comments, and spending time alone with her—is crossing emotional boundaries and is understandably hurtful. You could have a calm, honest conversation about how this makes you feel and what you need from him to feel respected and secure. Setting clear boundaries around communication with her (social media, private lunches, etc.) is reasonable. If he’s unwilling to respect those boundaries, couples counseling could help navigate this without judgment and rebuild trust.
As a guy I can tell you, he sees her that way. No married person should be spending one on one time with another person like that. The fact that they talk so often is even more suspicious. I would confront him and give him an ultimatum to stop talking/engaging with her especially outside of work. Just my opinion of course.
This is unacceptable. It is an emotional affair at the very least. Ask him if you acted this way, how would he feel? Then I would follow through if he says he would be ok with it.
Do you think I should contact his coworker to tell her to back off?
Get screenshots and contact her husband. See a divorce lawyer and get your ducks in order. Tell hubs this shit ends immediately. If he doesn’t comply, serve him with papers. Life is too short to put up with this.
There is a book you should read called Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, it’s about emotional infidelity. Your husband sounds like he is having an emotional affair, and he needs a big eye opener. I would suggest marriage counseling, and I would also suggest you speak to a lawyer to see what divorce would look like. I don’t recommend talking to this woman, however I would tell her husband about the inappropriate messages.
This sound like an emotional affair that is probably going to blow up as a physical affair. Put your feet down and tell him to stop with this bullshit. He knows whats going on. He is almost 50 year old. Don’t fall for this gaslighting bullshit.