Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
My husband and I have been together for 11 years. In those 11 years, he’s had 5, and been fired from all 5 jobs. He smokes a lot of weed, and he’s had dirty drops in the past, which resulted in firing in 3 of those jobs, then he started using synthetic urine to pass drug tests, but then ends up getting fired for the dumbest reasons. Like his last job, (he’s a truck driver) he was fired because he didn’t call in to let them know he was running late with the load because there were several trucks ahead of him waiting, and they fired him. Like the simplest things he could do, like CALLING INTO HIS JOB, he doesn’t do, and ends up fired. I can’t work, I just recently had surgery, but I have been looking for remote positions, and have had no luck. He’s also been looking, but being fired from your last 5 jobs doesn’t look good on your record. No other company will hire him. Bills are stacking up, and we won’t be able to pay rent next month. I want to divorce him, but other than the job thing, he’s an amazing husband. He’s never disrespected me, never hurt me in any way, he’s loving and caring and attentive. He just can’t keep a damn job. Please, someone tell me what to do. Any advice will do.
Comments
This isn’t just bad luck, it’s self-destruction disguised as laziness and it’s sinking both your futures. If he can’t choose responsibility over weed, love alone won’t save you only boundaries and consequences will.
A bit personal of a question, but have you ever worked in those 11 years? If you can’t work, do you claim any benefits or anything like that?
He doesn’t give a fuck. He needs counseling
I have no advice. wonder what it is people do to keep a job.
I feel down when i read about people who get fired for doing drugs, when I been fired several times and have never done drugs.
Your husband has a substance addiction and this has been ruining his life for quite a while now, probably even longer than both of you have been together. He has just been masking. He needs help. He has needed help for a long time.
Here is the tough part of life: no one wants to work a job. No one.
I understand that you have disability and that you cannot work. But you need to face up to the reality here that your husband is an addict and he is not bringing in the money for you. This isn’t going to change very quickly so I would recommend you figure out how you can work or what you can do to bring in some income. In the meantime continue to cut corners and trim costs in the household as much as you can. If you have a bunch of debts that are stacking up it’s probably time to consolidate but try to do it smartly so that it is in his name and not yours.
Considering your backup plan is his addiction goes south and he decides to not get another job. You will have some time and a launching pad to figure out how to make your own living on your own.
“ I want to divorce him, but other than the job thing, he’s an amazing husband.”
Well that just doesn’t ring very true.
Seems you might need to work on some consistency in your thought process. Might play a part in his dysfunction, who knows.
My advice is to be a team with your husband.
Really can’t get another trucking job? Might want to find one with a company that tracks their drivers. Sucks to lose the autonomy but companies know where their trucks are.
Love wont provide food, shelter and clothing. That is a bare minimum in a relationship and a need not a want. He has been leeching off you for 11 yrs and is irresponsible and lazy. He will not change, time to leave him, you can do better without him.
He’s not telling you the truth about why he got fired. Pot heads always have excuses and can’t compete with people who don’t smoke pot.
That’s strange I’ve heard marihuana is not addictive or “habit forming” /S
Take him to a psychologist and leave him alone there for some sessions, most early life abuse comes out as depression and self destructive behavior.
His addiction is not the problem.
It is the solution for his actual problem.
My guess would be he has past trauma from his childhood. This could be realized or non-realized trauma. Sometimes psychological abuse can be covert and even the person getting abused doesn’t realize.
My advice ask your husband to go to therapy. Not for you but for himself. If he is already going to therapy then I would recommend he finds another therapist or he approaches therapy with 100% honesty and transparency.
Almost all addiction comes from past trauma.
That is my advice for your husband.
My advice for you is to examine your husband’s behavior closely to determine whether or not your husband has genuine empathy for you. Also ask yourself does he seem self aware of his behavior? If you feel that he has empathy for you and self-awareness of his own behavior that’s great but if it’s the opposite I would advise leaving the relationship.
The idea that your husband is under the influence of drugs while operating a big rig is, frankly, terrifying. To me, it shows an apparent disregard for the safety of others and a deeply seated narcissism—people could literally die because of his choices. I think this goes far deeper than your husband not being able to keep a job, and wouldn’t tie yourself down to a man who’s so reckless. A tough decision, but maybe it’s either you or the weed.
He sounds like he either depressed or addiction issues. Look into getting him therapy or have a good heart to heart talk with him.
A bum
He can’t keep a job, that’s one thing. You’re making excuses for why you aren’t working which is entirely another. You just had surgery, I hope your recovery is going well, but what’s your reasoning for the past decade then?
Regardless of your excuses, you need to break up with him and set him free.
For better or worse, richer or poorer, good times and bad.
Help the man through finding therapy and getting him the help he needs.
If you truly love for him and care about him, that is.
He isn’t “not trying”… which is key.
He is trying, but failing.
Leaving your spouse because they are trying but failing to keep a steady job is tough
Considering finances are the number one reasons for couples to break up/ divorce. The “job thing” should have been a huge red flag, that you ignored.
What I’m about to say come from experience. Your husband has a problem and it’s called weed. It is an addiction. To me in addiction is anything that interferes with your home life and your work life that includes alcohol, pornography sex or any other drug as long as your husband is doing weed, he will not be able to keep a job and you need to treat his weed habit as an addiction. You need to sit him down and tell him that this is not open for negotiation discussion he’s going to quit smoking weed and get help for it or you will contemplate divorce because you cannot live like this, and I hope and pray that you do not have any children because they have found out now that people who smoke marijuana they’re offspring have trouble because it screws up the genetics. Also people who smoke marijuana have more lung trouble. A smoker also has a lot of psychological problems too is not harmless. As they say it is don’t get me wrong. I am for medical marijuana when it helps helps cancer patients people with glaucoma or pain, but your husband is not qualified for the above. He has an addiction to it. The reason why I say this is because at one time I had a very severe problem if I was awake, I was stoned. I made Tommy Chong look sober thank God 45 years ago I was able to stop one because I wanted to, and the other one is, I met a higher power, something greater than myself. The other reason why I say your husband has a problem is because he cannot even pass the drug test. The other thing about weed smokers like your husband they have no ambition. They have no drive wanting to get ahead. The only thing they want to do is just sit around and chill out. I worked with a fellow who was given two months advanced notice that day company took over for a while. I worked at it was an employment pay agency, and they were hiring the workers but under their management company and you had to pass the drug test, my boss told the gentleman there said too much advance and said at least quit smoking for 30 days so that you can pass the P test he couldn’t even do 30 days he came back and he was tested and he tested positive to say that my boss was mad and upset is beyond words and when he walked in, he said to a B I gave you too much notice that you’d have to take a drug test and you couldn’t even leave that ass alone for 30 days three weeks and he said I’m sorry but I have to let you go. It sounds like your husband and I said you seriously need to consider divorce proceedings if he cannot clean up his act and there’s no saying a pot smoker cannot bullshit in pot smoker. Hopefully there is no fat spot smokers route for you too discuss things with their friends. I’m sorry this happened to you. Good luck and it can be done. I’m a perfect example once again, I will say 45 years no weed.or