Hey 2 Hot Takes Fam, I’ve been a loyal listener for years, and I truly appreciate everything you do. I’m in a tough spot and could really use your insight. This is a long one, so thanks for sticking with me.
My husband, 21M, and I, 20F, started dating in high school when I was 16 and he was 17. He’s my first everything. Throughout our relationship, I dealt with him constantly texting and flirting with other girls, even receiving and sometimes sending nudes. Girls were always in his phone. We broke up twice, each for about a month, and he was always the one to end things. Foolishly, and deeply in love, I always took him back, clinging to the hope that he would change.
I joined the Air Force, and we stayed together through my training. We got married in February 2024, and he moved across the country to be with me. We have an apartment, three cats, and two cars, in our names. For most of this time, he struggled to find a job, leaving me to provide for everything. He finally found a good-paying job two months ago. I know it sounds naive, but he changed after we got married. There were no more girls in his phone, and he treated me well, for the most part.
Here’s where things get complicated. Last week, we had friends over, and I ended up blacking out. I flirted with one of our guy friends — it was bad, but I don’t remember most of it. My husband was also blacked out. From what I was told, I was play-fighting with this friend, touching him, sitting on his lap, and even asked him if we liked each other. I know how terrible this sounds, and I’m not making excuses, but this guy is a mutual friend, and he definitely wasn’t as drunk as I was.
As soon as I found out, I immediately confessed everything to my husband. I feel absolutely horrible. I’ve never done anything like this or anything to jeopardize his trust. I’ve vowed to quit social drinking and take steps to become a better wife. My husband and I decided to work through it, though he was understandably upset and even considered divorce.
Then, last night, we were talking, and I guess he felt that since I messed up, he could confess something too. He admitted to cheating on me multiple times while I was in basic training and tech school for the Air Force. He would even take my car, which I’d let him use, to go see this girl. The last time they had sex was in December 2024, just two months before we got married. I had flown him out to see me in December 2024 with my own money, so he was seeing this girl in the same month he was seeing me. This was one of the hardest times of my life, and he knew it, yet he still did it. He also confessed to having sex with multiple different girls when we were broken up, even though we were still seeing each other sometimes during those periods.
I’m in complete disbelief. I don’t know what to do. I can’t understand why he chose over a year into our marriage to tell me this. I would have never married him if I had known.
So, here’s my question: What do I do now?
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Backup of the post’s body: Hey 2 Hot Takes Fam, I’ve been a loyal listener for years, and I truly appreciate everything you do. I’m in a tough spot and could really use your insight. This is a long one, so thanks for sticking with me.
My husband, 21M, and I, 20F, started dating in high school when I was 16 and he was 17. He’s my first everything. Throughout our relationship, I dealt with him constantly texting and flirting with other girls, even receiving and sometimes sending nudes. Girls were always in his phone. We broke up twice, each for about a month, and he was always the one to end things. Foolishly, and deeply in love, I always took him back, clinging to the hope that he would change.
I joined the Air Force, and we stayed together through my training. We got married in February 2024, and he moved across the country to be with me. We have an apartment, three cats, and two cars, in our names. For most of this time, he struggled to find a job, leaving me to provide for everything. He finally found a good-paying job two months ago. I know it sounds naive, but he changed after we got married. There were no more girls in his phone, and he treated me well, for the most part.
Here’s where things get complicated. Last week, we had friends over, and I ended up blacking out. I flirted with one of our guy friends — it was bad, but I don’t remember most of it. My husband was also blacked out. From what I was told, I was play-fighting with this friend, touching him, sitting on his lap, and even asked him if we liked each other. I know how terrible this sounds, and I’m not making excuses, but this guy is a mutual friend, and he definitely wasn’t as drunk as I was.
As soon as I found out, I immediately confessed everything to my husband. I feel absolutely horrible. I’ve never done anything like this or anything to jeopardize his trust. I’ve vowed to quit social drinking and take steps to become a better wife. My husband and I decided to work through it, though he was understandably upset and even considered divorce.
Then, last night, we were talking, and I guess he felt that since I messed up, he could confess something too. He admitted to cheating on me multiple times while I was in basic training and tech school for the Air Force. He would even take my car, which I’d let him use, to go see this girl. The last time they had sex was in December 2024, just two months before we got married. I had flown him out to see me in December 2024 with my own money, so he was seeing this girl in the same month he was seeing me. This was one of the hardest times of my life, and he knew it, yet he still did it. He also confessed to having sex with multiple different girls when we were broken up, even though we were still seeing each other sometimes during those periods.
I’m in complete disbelief. I don’t know what to do. I can’t understand why he chose over a year into our marriage to tell me this. I would have never married him if I had known.
So, here’s my question: What do I do now?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
” I would have never married him if I had known.”
NOW you know, so get out OP.
He’s not the kind of man you want children with.
You likely could have grounds for an annulment, as you stated you wouldn’t have gotten married knowing this info.
Imo, it both sounds like there is some emotional immaturity on both sides.
I think the question is will you ever trust him again. Like you said if you knew you wouldn’t have married him. He took that choice away from you. Not only did he cheat (multiple times) but he lied (by omission) and deceived you. This is not a healthy foundation for a relationship. How are you supposed to trust her won’t do this again and hide it from you. Just because you don’t see girls in his phone doesn’t mean they aren’t around.
He hasn’t changed. He’s probably still cheating.
Wait? So he cheated in the past six months? wtf….who was this other woman?
It’s nice when cheaters find each other.
You Both don’t sound ready to be married and committed.
This man you plan to spend the rest of your life with has already cheated multiple times on you.
Personally I could not stay with him.
You know exactly what you need to do. He thought since you felt so guilty about what you did, that he could drop this bomb and it would be even.
He’s never been faithful. Not while dating. Not while long distance. And I’m sure not even while married.
You’re so young. You can leave this man it will literally just be a blip in your life.
Personally, I would get a divorce.
You’re early in.
Get OUT now.
No more time wasted.
Divorce.
You are so young leave him!