I am 33f. My husband 41m has been struggling with mental health issues since the pandemic. Over the past three years, he’s had difficulty holding down a steady job, and his behavior at home has become erratic, which raises concerns about his mental stability. We’ve been together for over 10 years, but he’s changed significantly since COVID.
Recently, I discovered that he accumulated over $30k in credit card debt that I was unaware of, which I paid off for him. I’m unsure where the debt came from, since I’m the one who pays the mortgage and covers other household expenses. A few years ago, he had a drinking problem, which he seemed to have overcome, but I constantly worry about the possibility of a relapse.
In the past few months, I’ve even considered leaving him. He’s generally become very negative and cynical, largely due to the stress of job searching. While I want to support him, it’s been incredibly draining, and my own mental health has started to suffer.
He is seeing a therapist and receiving medical treatment for his mental health issues. I’ve left a few times to stay with a friend for a few nights, and his behavior would improve temporarily. It always seems to slip back a few weeks later. He blames his mental health for the debt he’s accumulated.
We have been together for 10 years. What should I do?
TLDR: my husband has been struggling with mental health issues since the pandemic. Over the last few years, he’s had trouble keeping steady jobs, and his behavior at home has become erratic. Recently, I found out he accumulated over $30k in credit card debt, which I paid off, but I don’t know where it came from. He had a drinking problem in the past, and I’m concerned about a relapse.
Comments
You should leave him and consider yourself extraordinarily generous for taking care of some of his debt. Get a lawyer, though.
If you are financial partners, which i assume you are due to your marriage, you should be able to get credit card statements from your husband.
In this case, it matters where the money went to determine if you are not in some sort of trouble yourself.
I can see why you describe it as such. Is there issues about him sharing the credit card statements?
How do you just not know where the 30k in credit card debt came from? Mental health is complex and can potentially be worked through, but getting 30k in debt and still refusing to come clean about it doesn’t sound fixable.